By Jane O’gorman

Copyright dailystar

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice: ‘Cocky lover’s wife looks like a supermodel – so why is he having grubby sex with me?’ ‘I can’t keep my hands off best mate’s hubby – I’m scared I’ll bonk him on group holiday’ ‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’ I’m a party animal. I like people, I like booze, and I adore sex. I believe that life is for living. In the past few years I’ve travelled the world, eaten weird food and had sex in peculiar places. From threesomes with twin brothers to oily orgies with broad minded sisters let’s just say that my tastes are broad and ‘eclectic’ – in other words ‘anything goes’. I’m currently staying with my boyfriend of five months. He’s very organised and solid. He’s paid off his mortgage. I’m not good with money or paying bills or organising myself and he loves doing all that. He’s urging me to get my stuff from my sister’s flat and move in with him full time. On a practical level that would be great because he’s willing to take care of all the boring stuff like sorting insurance and tradespeople. But he says that if I make his house my home, then I’ll have to commit myself to him 100 per cent. No more wild parties, lost weekends or other lovers. Just like the old song he wants ‘all or nothing’. Don’t you think that’s old fashioned and limiting? Why be so strict and uptight in this day and age? He says he loves me for the free spirit I am – he loves hearing my stories about swinging with my old neighbours and being thrown out of nightclubs for bonking in the toilets – but then says he wants to keep me all to himself. How does that work? He has accused me of being unrealistic in wanting the best of both worlds i.e. security with him and fun with others and he’s right, I do. is that such a crime? I’m 32 and don’t feel I’m done with having fun yet. JANE SAYS: I get the impression that your guy is rather dazzled by you. He loves the fact that you are interesting, lively and fun. He gets off on hearing you brag about your sexploits and considers you a ‘catch’ but he’s making no bones about wanting to clip your wings. That’s the trade off. He’s a man of means. He owns his own property and has all his ducks in a row. He doesn’t mind dealing with paperwork and domestic stuff in fact, he relishes it. He’s the complete opposite of you and I have to question whether a relationship can ever be healthy or work. The problem is that you are your own person. You’re not a tiger to be tamed or hidden away. I anticipate you become extremely frustrated, bored and even resentful down the line. You might be looking for somewhere to live but he is not the answer to your prayers. Think again. Tell him today that his offer is a kind one but not for you because you don’t believe it will make happy in the long run. As for your ‘wild child’ behaviour; that’s up to you but are you sure that you’re looking after yourself and not taking too many chances with your sexual health and general well being? Are you drinking too much? Do you need to chat to your GP about your inability to organise yourself, pay bills and manage? He or she might be able to help you with coping tips. I suffer from ‘imposter syndrome’. I have a good job but live in fear of being exposed as a fraud. I’ve been lucky over the years. I’ve worked with good people who have supported and covered for me. But I still feel as though I’m ‘winging it’. A new boss is coming in soon and I’m convinced that he’s going to see me for the fake I am. My partner keeps telling me that I’m a lovely, kind person but I wouldn’t blame her for going off with someone better. My best mate says I need to believe in myself but how can I when I’m a charlatan? JANE SAYS: Please start believing in yourself. If you were genuinely useless; if you had no talent or work ethic, then you would have been (genuinely) found out years ago. I suspect a lot of us suffer from “Imposter Syndrome” at certain points in our lives. But you are as good as the next person. Let this new boss come in. Keep your cool, do your best and he’ll soon see what an asset you. As for your partner, promise me that you won’t allow your insecurities to drive her away. Please go and see your GP if you’re struggling to cope but also think about confidence boosting activities you could enjoy with your supportive friend. He can clearly see you for the diamond are. Can I trust a mate who is bad mouthing my new girlfriend? Is he jealous or genuinely concerned? He’s just started working at the same firm as her. He says she’s an outrageous flirt and that there are all sort of rumours swirling around about her sexual conduct with other staff members. This has come as a complete shock to me; I had no idea that she was capable of such treachery. I know I should confront her but I’m too scared. What if it’s all a lie and she dumps me for accusing and doubting her? JANE SAYS: Surely you have to ask your girl for the truth. She must be allowed to stick up for herself. Do you trust your mate? Do you trust her? Is there any reason why either of them would wish to hurt or humiliate you? Sadly, if your girlfriend really is one person at home and someone entirely different at work, then, of course you must investigate and act. Doing nothing isn’t an option. If she is having sex with other people, then she has to tell you what you mean to her. Is she willing to change? You have to consider your sexual and mental health. Is there any digging of your own you can carry out? I’m secretly sleeping with a great guy, but he won’t (officially) go out with me or call me his girlfriend because I don’t earn enough. He is very image conscious and only likes to be seen in public with women in designer gear with expensive accessories. That’s not me. How do I convince him that I’m a decent person in my own right? JANE SAYS: Never allow anyone to keep you hidden away. If this fella doesn’t consider you ‘good enough’ to be seen out with him then tell him ‘so long’. He sounds disrespectful and rude to me. Just who does he think he is? Hold your head up high, get out there and start living your best life. He’s cynically bringing you down.