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Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, When my parents died, I became the trustee for the fund they established for my niece and nephew, who are my brother’s kids. To say my brother isn’t good with money is an understatement. He has blown so much money over the years that our parents paid his child support so he wouldn’t lose his license and his kids would be supported. My niece and nephew are both in their early 20s now and successful with no college debt. I was planning to split the remainder of the trust between them. Then my brother called, who is in his 50s, called. He announced that his new girlfriend, who is three years older than his daughter, is pregnant. He says that the baby is “entitled” to the rest of the trust because that is what our parents would have wanted. The age gap would be bad enough, but this new girlfriend treats my niece and nephew like shit. My niece attempted to reconcile with my brother yet again (they’ve been estranged), only for the girlfriend to show up uninvited and basically grind on my brother’s lap while they were at a public restaurant. My niece left, and the next day the girlfriend posted about how “prudes” don’t understand true love. (My niece is openly asexual.) My nephew sent me the receipts and basically said if the girlfriend got any of the money that he and his sister would never talk to me again. I can’t stop loving my brother no matter how much of a screw-up he is, but this is blackmail. I don’t even trust that this baby is his, but honestly, I don’t want to manage this anymore. I will be pushing 80 by the time this kid is ready for college. I am tired, but part of me cringes at burning this last bridge. Dear Tired, I’ll bet you’re tired. This situation has you tied up in an emotional knot. But, it’s easily untangled because your brother’s behavior is so egregious. Let’s start with the obvious: Your brother is wrong. You’re not managing “this” anymore because there’s nothing to manage here—the trust terms dictate who the beneficiaries are, and unless your parents explicitly included “future grandchildren” in the trust language, this baby has no legal claim. Period. Reread the trust document. If it names your niece and nephew specifically (or even “grandchildren living at the time of death”), then you have a fiduciary duty to honor those terms. But, if the trust only names your niece and nephew, or if it refers to living grandchildren at a specific point in time (say, when your last parent dies), then you don’t need to include this baby. Remember: Your feelings about your brother, his threats, or his girlfriend’s behavior are irrelevant to your legal obligations as trustee. Make that clear when you speak with your brother. Your brother calling this baby “entitled” to funds designated for someone else isn’t just wrong—it’s financial manipulation. His girlfriend’s cruelty toward your niece and nephew should tell you everything about how any money would actually be used. Your next step is the easy button: Distribute the trust according to its terms. If your niece and nephew are the named beneficiaries and they’re of age, give them their inheritance. Your job as trustee will be complete and you can close out the trust. If your brother retaliates by cutting you off, that’s his choice. But understand: He’s already burned bridges by demanding his children’s inheritance for his new baby. You’re not burning anything—you’re refusing to enable his dysfunction one more time. You can love your brother while still protecting what your parents intended for your niece and nephew. They’re the ones who’ve been responsible. They’re the ones your parents set up this trust for. Honor that. If you’re uncertain about the trust language, consult an estate attorney immediately. But I suspect you already know what it says—and what you need to do. More Money Advice From Slate My mother-in-law spent my husband’s inheritance when my father-in-law died. She retired when he died at the age of 53. Now, she lives off disability, her Social Security, his Social Security, and she lives lavishly. She buys 40 Stanley cups and orders every meal out. She constantly complains about how unfair her life is. I want to cut ties with her because we’re struggling to afford our lives with one child and six figures of student loan debt. Her lifestyle just makes me despise her.
