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For years, weddings were bittersweet affairs for me. As I watched countless friends and family members exchange vows and embark on their happily-ever-after through my 30s, a part of me wondered when my turn would come. I couldn’t deny a pang of envy mixed with longing as I sat solo, bouquet after bouquet. But my perspective transformed at my older sister’s wedding. At 45 years old, she radiated pure joy walking down the aisle toward her soon-to-be husband. At 40 myself, I suddenly realized: If she could find love in her 40s, so could I. Rather than my usual twinge of envy, I felt something new blossoming in my heart—inspiration. This moment was pivotal in my journey to love. It marked a fundamental shift in how I viewed relationships and my own worthiness. I began to understand that love isn’t some scarce resource to frantically chase. It’s an infinite wellspring, available to all of us, in the right time and right way. My sister’s happiness wasn’t threatening my own. It was a beacon of hope, a reminder of what’s possible. Alison Bulman is a therapist in New York. In that instance, I made a quiet promise to myself. Instead of comparing myself to others, and feeling left behind, I would be happy for them and trust my own unique timing. I would focus on becoming the best version of myself and creating a life I loved, knowing that the right partner would arrive when I was truly ready. Little did I know just how soon that would be. Mere days after my mindset shifted, my now-husband, Vincenzo, came into my life. Now I’m sharing what helped me get there, from my wisdom as a couples therapist as well as my personal experience. Ditch the Dating Apps Before this epiphany, like so many singles, I spent hours on dating apps. But they inflicted frustration and disappointment. There was either no spark, or ghosting’s emotional rollercoaster. I finally realized the apps dialed more pain than possibility. Spiraling into self-doubt, I wondered, was I too picky? Too damaged? Or simply destined to be alone? So, I made a radical choice: I quit the apps entirely. Instead of trying to force love on my timeline, I trusted the universe had far better plans for me. Get to Know Yourself Letting go of the apps was a crucial step, but finding lasting love also engaged me in deep personal growth. A key resource was the book Calling in the One, a memoir/workbook that enlightens readers through a process of self-discovery. Radical honesty releases inner blocks, creating space for real love to enter. I faced how my fear of vulnerability, people-pleasing, and deep-rooted feelings of unworthiness had sabotaged my love life for years. Explore Your Passions I chose to align my search for love with my passions. I realized I’d likely find my ideal partner enjoying these shared interests we’d have in common. So, I focused on filling my world with communities and activities that genuinely nourished me. I ultimately crossed paths with Vincenzo at a mindful communication MeetUp. Bulman and her husband at their wedding. Visualize What You Want I created a vision board featuring a drawing that deeply spoke to me: a couple gazing at each other lovingly, their hair standing on-end. They warmed their hands on a small fire burning between them, symbolizing passion and authenticity, while an angelic figure and a full moon hovered above, representing the mystical dimension of their bond. When Vincenzo and I started dating, I took a vulnerable leap and shared this image with him via email. When he didn’t respond, a wave of embarrassment and regret crashed over me. But months later that Christmas, Vincenzo, a native of Italy, handed me a small, carefully wrapped box. Inside was a beautiful wooden heart he carved himself, with an exact replica of the image from my vision board. On the back, an Italian inscription read: “Our journey will be truly extraordinary if we travel it together.” Through tears of relief, I saw how my desires weren’t shameful. They had manifested a partner ready to deliver them. Have Unshakable Belief Perhaps the most significant factor in my journey to love was developing an unshakable, bone-deep conviction that lasting love was inevitable for me. Of course, maintaining this mindset is easier said than done, especially for women like me who feel their “biological clock” ticking. A scarcity mentality often leads to accepting crumbs out of fear of ending up alone. But by 40, when many had told me I had missed my chance, I finally met Vincenzo. All because I relentlessly visualized what was possible, even when it was hardest to believe. Enjoy Yourself A crucial companion to faith was realizing that I...
