Copyright Business Insider
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Shivani Singh, a 41-year-old mom of one and legal professional in Sydney. The following has been edited for length and clarity. I was idealistic, thinking there would be a prince charming who would come riding in on his horse and we would start a family. However, as I neared my 40s, I thought the longer I wait, the less possible it might be from a biological perspective. I knew I didn't have all the stamina I did in my 20s and 30s. I did a lot of thinking and, after conversations with my doctor, at 38 years old, I made a choice to have my son through IVF. I was scared of stigmas coming from my traditional Indian community, and I questioned if I made the right decision, but one of my first thoughts after having him was, "I wish I had done this much earlier." It's been hard juggling my career and single motherhood, but my parents have been my biggest support system throughout. I had fears weighing on my decision to do IVF I didn't want to involve too many people in the decision-making process. I told a couple of close friends and my family about my decision to do IVF, but that's all. Part of me was fearful of hearing everyone's two cents. Even though I knew their opinions wouldn't guide my decisions, I was afraid their views might change my perspective of them. Coming from an Indian background, there are traditional ideas about marriage and raising children, including a stigma against single mothers. It took my mom some time to process the decision, but my father was extremely supportive. Related stories Business Insider tells the innovative stories you want to know Business Insider tells the innovative stories you want to know Although being a single parent was outside the norm for Indian culture, my parents empowered me to make decisions and have been supportive all the way through. I was initially concerned about my son not having a father figure, but my dad has had such a positive impact on my son's life. The IVF process was an emotional roller coaster I was lucky that things worked out in my first cycle of IVF treatment, but it was physically and emotionally taxing. I had to take medication to optimize my chances of getting pregnant, which made me quite hormonal, all while being poked and prodded to find the best spot for the insemination. With my hormones all over the place, I was anxious during those two weeks. I questioned whether I had made the right decision after realizing there was no going back. Since I hadn't told many people, I didn't have anyone to relate to, which made the experience an emotional time for me. It's difficult juggling work and quality time with my son I previously practiced law in the public sector, but I was fortunate enough to take two years of maternity leave to spend time with my son and his grandparents. With my time off, I started my fashion e-commerce business, something I had been passionate about launching for some time. I've now returned to corporate law on a contractual basis to keep up with expenses. It's a 9-to-5 schedule until at least the end of the year or longer if they hire me part time. My greatest challenge as a single mom has been managing my time. It feels like I'm walking a tight rope, trying to balance my career and family goals. Financial stability is one of the powerful things I can offer my son. I want him to chase his dreams without fear of financial insecurity. When my son starts school in a couple of years, I hope my e-commerce business will take off to help us afford a comfortable lifestyle. All my career hopes are coupled with the time I have left with my son before he starts school. I'm not going to get this time back, and there's only one of me. My son and I are living with my parents Having my parents under the same roof has been essential. There's only one of me, and I know if I spread myself too thin, I'm going to burn out. I'm living with them until my son starts school in four years. In our house, decisions are made horizontally about our home and family life, opposed to traditional patriarchal joint families. My parents help out with drop-offs and pick-ups at my son's day care. My dad takes precedence over groceries and sometimes won't let me pick up the bill. He insists on helping us as much as possible financially. My mom is more of a homemaker since she is fully retired. She loves spoiling my son, and both my parents treat him like a prince. His grandfather also serves as a role model for him. I now have a new identity As an only child, I'm used to being close with my parents, so it's great that my son has my parents and me as his support system. Becoming a single mom was my choice, and it has become a part of my identity. After sharing my story, I've had so many Indian women come to me saying they've drawn inspiration and are even thinking about doing it themselves.
