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As an intimate of the Royal Family – maid of honour at the late Queen’s coronation and longtime lady-in-waiting to Princess Margaret – Lady Glenconner is the guardian of countless secrets. Her memoir, about royal life and how she suffered physical abuse from her late husband, Colin Tennant, was a best-seller. Now 93, she has written a new book that gives fascinating insights into the royals, the foibles of Britain’s aristocracy and what life has taught her… I do slightly feel that the late Queen Elizabeth could have worked harder to try to find Prince Charles a suitable wife. The queens of Greece and Spain used to entertain royal princesses from other European countries in order to find a wife for their sons, but I think because the Queen had fallen in love and had such a successful marriage to Prince Philip, she wasn’t really focused on Prince Charles in the same way. The Queen Mother and Lady Fermoy [Diana’s maternal grandmother] were keen that the marriage to Diana should happen. I have a letter the Queen Mother wrote to my mother expressing her delight at the proposed marriage. Prince Philip was also very much in favour of the union, and, of course, Prince Charles needed to marry a virgin which Diana appeared to be. A friend of mine had been at a party in 1980 where Diana sat next to Prince Charles on a hay bale and was terribly sympathetic to him following the death of Lord Mountbatten [killed by an IRA bomb], and though Prince Charles was there with a girlfriend at the time, she clearly made an impression on him. She was so young when they married and had very little life experience. And I think when she became so incredibly popular with the public, it was very hard for Prince Charles. I had a certain sympathy for him when he was asked if he was in love with Diana during their engagement interview and he said: ‘Whatever in love means’. I think love is complicated. I had known Princess Diana for years as she used to live on the Sandringham Estate [near Lady Glenconner’s Norfolk home] and attended a nursery school run by my sister Carey. Diana’s grandmother realised the tremendous opportunities of renting a house on the Sandringham Estate, eventually becoming Woman of the Bedchamber to Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. Her daughter, Frances, married Johnny Althorp, who I had previously been engaged to and thought I was in love with. When I heard about Johnny’s engagement, it was like a dagger to the heart; I was devastated as I was still in love with him. (But I was a child, and we hadn’t really spent much time together, so it wasn’t real love.) I wasn’t invited to their very grand wedding at Westminster Abbey which the Queen and other members of the Royal Family attended as Johnny had been equerry to the King. On reflection, I may have had a lucky escape as he did not treat Frances kindly and they eventually divorced. At the time, divorce was completely socially unacceptable, and Frances’ mother testified against her daughter in custody proceedings, which meant that Johnny gained custody of their children. So, he used to turn up at my sister’s nursery with Diana each morning clasping her packed lunches and spare shoes in a little case. My sister said that Diana had a rather tenuous grasp on the truth, and I wonder whether it was the result of being brought up in such an unhappy household. Years later, when Diana was pregnant with William and looking for a nanny, Princess Margaret suggested she employ our wonderful nanny Barbara Barnes. Barbara went for the interview but didn’t hear anything back. It fell to me to follow up with Diana’s household and when I called, I was told: ‘Oh, yes she’s got the job,’ though no one had bothered to let Barbara know. Eventually, though, Diana became jealous of how fond William and Harry were of Barbara and she got rid of her. Barbara then worked for a very smart children’s clothes shop, Young England in Belgravia, which was such a clever idea. I am sure customers were thrilled to be advised and served by the former nanny to Princes William and Harry. In 1992, I was invited to Edinburgh to accompany Princess Margaret at a reception on board the Royal Yacht. It was just two days after the announcement of the separation of Prince Charles and Diana, and for some reason, probably because she had such star power, Diana had also been invited. It was rather an awkward situation. Princess Margaret told me that Diana was not bringing a lady-in-waiting and asked that I go to see if there was anything she needed. I spent much of the reception talking to Diana, who outwardly appeared to be calm and composed but she told me later how anxious she had been about the whole event. I was extremely touched by the letter Diana wrote to me after my son Henry died [from Aids, aged 29 in 1990]. She had met him while visiting patients at St Mary’s Hospital in Paddington. She wrote that she was very struck by Henry’s inner strength and emphasised how he had given her a greater understanding of how to cope with Aids. At a time when most people couldn’t even talk about Aids, Diana’s directness about the illness and appreciation of Henry was very comforting and meant a great deal to me. SEX AND MARRIAGE As a young bride, I knew nothing about sex. People talk about sex all the time these days, but I’m of an age and generation who wouldn’t dream of talking to anyone about it. My friends and I might well say we thought someone was sexy, but we’d never ever talk about the act of sex itself. None of us slept with our boyfriends – we were very naive and things only changed with the advent of oral contraception. I certainly knew nothing about sex and what to expect. All my mother had told me was to watch what dogs did. We had a vague idea, but because we had so little concrete information, we made things up in our head and had the most horrific stories we’d tell each other. The wedding night came as something of a shock for all of us. I’ve written about my terrible honeymoon with a trip to a Paris brothel that was perfectly disgusting (my husband Colin, who died aged 83 in 2010, presented me with a ‘surprise’: two naked strangers having sex who asked if we’d like to join in). I rather wish I had been more aware and think that if I had been, perhaps my marriage to Colin would have got off to an easier start. Because we never slept with people before we married, we had no idea whether we were sexually compatible with them. There were a few happy marriages but lots of people were unfaithful, almost as though they were doing their experimenting and trying to find a compatible partner from the safety net of a marriage. Divorce wasn’t really an option, it was very much frowned upon and you were expected to produce heirs and spares to inherit a title. So, if things weren’t brilliant in bed with your husband or wife, the temptation was to look elsewhere. Colin had lot of affairs, and, in the end, I found someone who made me very happy [the relationship lasted 34 years until Lady Glenconner’s friend died], but I never seriously considered leaving the marriage, even in the most difficult of times. In general, it’s much better that there is more openness about sex now and that people sleep together before they get married so they can make an informed decision about who they want to spend their life with. SECRET AFFAIR Recently, I made the most extraordinary discovery. My mother had a tiny little writing case, which had a very stiff lock that I had never been able to open until one day I managed to prise open the lock, and inside I found, wrapped in brown paper, was a little book that was a diary my father [the 5th Earl of Leicester] had kept while stationed in Cairo with the Scots Guards during the war. I had seen his earlier letters home describing the horror of the war, standing in newly-dug out foxholes in the freezing cold desert every night, scouring the landscape for Rommel and his advancing army. But the diary painted quite a different picture of life away from the front line. It was a world of champagne cocktails and dinner in Cairo at the Continental or Shepheard’s Hotel, perhaps going on to the Dugout cabaret, or to Jules’ nightclub. There were polo and golf matches, picnics at the pyramids, dinner parties, even shooting parties. But the real surprise was the revelation that my father was having a cracking affair with a woman he refers to as ‘M’ and whom he writes passionately about. She was a secretary working for one of the generals and what is so extraordinary is that it all seems to have gone on in full view of everyone. He writes about one evening’s dinner party at Shepheard’s Hotel with a group of people including my mother, Eliz, (who was working there with the Red Cross) and ‘M’, going on to Jules’ nightclub: ‘danced, sipped brandy and ginger ales. Gerald Grosvenor [the future Duke of Westminster] took Eliz home! ‘Took M home. Flat. Bed by 5am’. I have no idea whether my mother had an affair with Gerald Grosvenor, but it’s clear she must have known all about what was going on between my father and ‘M’. All a picture that was a world apart from the rather formal life they were leading in England. I think this is what war does to people – dealing with the potential imminence of death makes life suddenly seem worth grabbing with both hands. I also think there is something that happens in the heat, particularly to those people who have been previously trussed up in boned and cumbersome underwear and who are suddenly free to wear lacy knickers and cotton dresses. It must have produced a sense of freedom and living from day to day, I think it got the blood pumping. My parents’ marriage survived, I suspect, largely due to the intervention of my Great Aunt, who told my mother to put the events of the war behind her, patch things up and get on with trying to produce a son and heir. My mother’s diaries record that trying to get pregnant was not a joyful experience, but they managed it and had another girl. KISSING AND WAVING Kissing members of the Royal Family is a very tricky business. You must kiss one cheek, then the other cheek and then curtsy. Meanwhile, I always noticed the different ways that members of the Royal Family waved. The Queen Mother did a stirring-the-pudding sort of wave, very graciously and very slowly. Princess Margaret had a rather more showy wave where she slowly waved her hand side-on, and the Queen’s wave was rather brisk, showing more of the front of her hand. On my kitchen windowsill, I have a tiny little statue of the late Queen. She’s holding a bag containing a solar panel which powers her to wave. Every time I make a cup of coffee, there she is sitting on the windowsill waving at me and it brings back all those lovely memories. GETTING ON WITH IT I talk a great deal about my stiff upper lip, and my mother was like that, very much so; that you just got on with things, you didn’t complain. I hate people who complain. However bad you are feeling, the minute you start thinking in a positive way it really does help a lot. I think people of my generation are much tougher than young people today. I think it could be because when there was a war on everybody had to work together and young people had an objective. It was about doing something for the greater good, whether we were made to sign up or do other things to help the war effort. Today there’s much less of a sense of collective endeavour, the young seem to be much more focused on themselves, although I do realise many have different and difficult things to deal with so it’s hard to generalise. In 1987 my youngest son Christopher was very severely injured and left in a coma after a near fatal motorbike crash. At the same time my second son, Henry, who had come out as gay, was dying from Aids, and my eldest son Charlie was a heroin addict (he managed to break free of his addiction, but died from hepatitis in 1996). In my very worst moments when I was in hospital with Christopher after his accident, knowing that my other two boys were going to die, every now and then my sister or cousin would come and sit with him, and I would escape to Norfolk. I would take out my little Mirror dinghy and sail out to sea. It’s only a tiny boat, but with two sails and a centreboard to deal with there was a lot to think about. It distracted me and took me away from everything and for a moment I could relax. Gardening is something else which I found served a similar purpose, weeding and planting and being outside. The great thing I say to people who are going through a really, really difficult time is ‘love yourself, look after yourself.’ Maybe have one treat a day, whether you watch your favourite film or go for a walk. It’s not self-indulgent, it’s necessary. If you think you are doing something badly, or you’re not coping ‘properly’ it’s easy to hate yourself and it shows, it just makes you even more miserable and angry. But if you say to yourself ‘I am trying, I’m doing a good job’, it helps. For me I felt so lucky to have had my boys for so many years and to have been able to look after them, and talk to them when they were ill, that was some kind of comfort, and of course I had wonderful friends supporting me. I LOVE FALSE EYELASHES I’m amazed by the money spent on beauty products these days. When I was younger, I was given a cream containing whale oil. I still have remnants. It’s wonderful. People comment that I have a very good complexion so I think it works. When young, we were never taught how to apply make-up, any emphasis on your personal appearance was thought to be the height of vanity and unacceptable. In later life, however, I’ve become extremely partial to false eyelashes – always single, never strips. My grandmother was a stickler for good posture and her advice has helped me in my old age. She made us sit at dinner with broom handles down our backs, which wasn’t much fun but has served me well. A doctor told me that my spine is very straight and I don’t have any of the calcium deposits that can build up at my age. PANTS MUST BE COMFY I’ve only ever worn Chanel No 5 scent. Marilyn Monroe famously said when asked what she wore at night: ‘I just wear Chanel No 5.’ I’d love to be that glamorous but I’m very fond of my cosy nightie in bed. Colin once gave me what he thought was sexy underwear. I didn’t enjoy wearing it and didn’t find it at all comfortable. What I love is big pants. I adore the scene in the first Bridget Jones film where she comes flying down the fireman’s pole with her big pants on display. That’s my kind of underwear, lovely and comfortable. I always get mine from Marks & Spencer, along with my bras. I’ve never been a luxury Rigby & Peller [the royal lingerie-maker] kind of person. I always get the same M&S bra in white, with one or two black ones for wearing with darker evening dresses. The only other item I have is a boned bodysuit to try and pull in my tummy but it’s such a bind to wear. It’s got all these poppers underneath which is a total nightmare when you need to go to the loo. HOW TO GET THE BEST SEAT IN CHURCH: Sadly, I’ve lost so many of my friends that I spend quite a bit of time at funerals. Some older people I know rather enjoy going to them because it’s the only sort of entertainment they get at a time when they aren’t asked to many parties. The wake with food and drink afterwards and people to chat to is a nice way to pass the time if you are living on your own. There’s a skill to getting the seat you want in the church. Colin’s great aunt Margot Asquith, when she went to a funeral or a wedding, would immediately walk straight to the front pew and kneel to pray so that it was impossible to move her and she’d have a prime seat. I always rather prefer sitting at the back. DUCKS IN THE QUEEN'S BEDROOM After a swim with Princess Margaret in the pool at Buckingham Palace, she asked if I’d like to look at the rooms where the Queen lived. I was shown a very charming bedroom, but what really struck me was the line of celluloid ducks wearing crowns lined up in order of size on the side of the bath. MUSTIQUE MULES WITH KATE MOSS... AT 11AM One of the real joys of Mustique [the West Indies island which my husband Colin Tennant bought in 1958 and turned into a celebrity resort] has been the friendship we formed with the singer Bryan Adams. He was very kind to Colin, even composing and performing a song for his funeral. Bryan is a very strict vegan and doesn’t go out much on Mustique, but the last time I was there he called to say that the model Kate Moss was keen to meet me for brunch. Bryan gave us very healthy green smoothies which were nice but when he had to pop out, Kate looked at me and said: ‘Shall we go and get a drink?’ I quickly said yes even though it was only eleven o’clock in the morning. Off we went to a bar. We had a lovely time and suddenly realised we’d drunk three Mustique Mules, and it was hardly lunchtime. Adapted from Manners and Mischief by Lady Glenconner, published by Bedford Square on November 6 at £18.99. © Anne Glenconner 2025. To order a copy for £17.09 (offer valid to November 8; UK P&P free on orders over £25) go to www.mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.
