Copyright The Boston Herald
When does the looting start? Talk about trick or treat – as of midnight, what used to be called food stamps are supposed to start being reloaded for 42 million people (some of whom may even be American citizens) for the month of November. But something called the Schumer Shutdown is stopping the process. The Democrats are refusing to vote to fund the federal government, in order to extort billions more in free health care for illegal aliens flopping here. This is the Democrat mantra: Cholos si! Gringos no! Last week, the feds sent out the warning that the Democrats have taken 42 million hostages in their desperate attempt to preserve their freeloading amigos’ free health care. The non-working classes immediately went crazy on social media. They couldn’t believe it! The very thought that they might have to… work… was beyond the pale. Thousands of plus-sized, tattooed, nose-ring-wearing females (as well as a few others of uncertain gender) began threatening mayhem if they’re cut off starting Saturday. They pointed fingers and screeched that they’re going to loot, rob, carjack, steal ATMs, come to your house at Thanksgiving for lobster and steak, etc. etc. The only thing the protected classes are not threatening to do if they lose their food stamps: get a job to support themselves. Oh, and one other thing: none of them are planning to start eating more salads. It’s been funny watching their hysteria at the possible nightmare of having to get a job, but I never took them seriously. Until Sunday night, that is, in West Bridgewater (which is basically Brockton). It was at the local Market Basket where two sisters decided to get an early start on recreating the glory days of George Floyd and Rodney King looting. Meet Olivia Byrd, age 37, of Quincy, and Rahjane Byrd, 28, of Hyde Park. In the parking lot, they were lugged and charged with stealing $88.10 worth of high-quality eats – “lobster meat, prime ribeye steaks and truffle butter.” Truffle butter? Are you kidding me? I always go for the generic Market Basket butter. In fact, I never even heard of truffle butter. But then, I’m not on welfare. What would I know about haute cuisine? You read this police report and you realize that all these gimme girls on social media aren’t kidding when they’re touting their dreams of looting the supermarkets in the first good riots since 2020. The Byrd sisters are prototypes of what the non-working classes are promising us this weekend, if their Democrat heroes really cut off the handouts at midnight. Right down to the mugshots, the Byrds look like they were sent over by Central Casting. The other night, Adam Carolla made a joke that the average American woman not on food stamps weighs 146 pounds, and the ones that are on SNAP weigh 211 pounds. Pretty funny, I thought. But then I saw Rahjane’s stats – 5-4 and, wait for it, 211 pounds. The police describe her build as “heavy.” As you would expect, she has multiple tattoos, including on her left hand, “elephants.” Of course she does. You don’t think Rahjane would have a tattoo of, say, a gazelle. Then there’s her sister. What Olivia lacks in EBT heft (5-1, 130 pounds) she makes up for in tattoos. She has five of them. On her right hand, dice and a butterfly. She sports two on her neck, a heart and her own name, “Olivia,” in case she forgets, although it seems it might be easier for her to see such a reminder on, say, her forearm, rather than her neck. Let’s go to the police narrative, starting with their arrival on the scene: The cops say that Olivia “started the conversation by stating that her mother had recently passed away.” Was that why they needed the lobsters and the truffle butter? Confronted about the hidden items by an employee, “Olivia reacted and admitted to pushing and hitting the employee on the face with her phone.” The cop asked Rahjane why the expensive stuff was packed in a blue, large solid bag. “Rahjane stated she did not fill the bag and could not explain how that bag ended up in her carriage. She then added that the bag was placed in her shopping cart by an employee. Olivia then interjected, saying the bag was hers.” It was an Instacart order, Olivia said, but it was canceled. The cop asked for proof of the order cancellation, but she couldn’t. “I observed inconsistencies in their accounts… and they were evasive.” Then, according to police who watched surveillance video of the affray, Rahjane struck a Market Basket worker with the blue bag of reparation lobsters and truffle butter. Then Olivia followed through with a purse to the head “and slapped him across the face.” As you may have seen on social media, as they fled with their ill-gotten gains, the big Byrds began screaming obscenities – “racial and demeaning words… including ‘p-word’ and ‘n-word,’ which were loud enough for everyone in the front of the store to hear.” They were arraigned in Brockton District Court and released on personal recognizance. If there is any justice in Massachusetts, Rahjane and Olivia will soon be jail Byrds. This report is only offered as an advisory as to the kinds of social justice you may encounter this weekend because of the Schumer shutdown. But if a George Floyd-like reparations festival does break out in a grocery store near you, remember a few basic safety tips. There are certain places Democrats never deign to loot. In the old days, it was bookstores they avoided. During George Floyd, if you could just make your way to a shoe store’s work-boots section, you were safe. You knew looters had zero interest in anything like work boots. In the supermarkets this weekend, if the single moms start rampaging through the meat, lobster and processed-sugar aisles, there is one safe sanctuary where none of the gimme girls will ever venture into. The produce section. Stay close to the salad bar, and the gimme girls will leave you alone. Nothing of interest to them there. Now, let’s get ready for some Democrat fun. Let the looting begin in three… two… one. (Order Howie’s new book, “Mass Corruption Vol. 1: The Cops,” at howiecarrshow.com/store.)
