Copyright abc
When veteran Ray Sullivan's wife, Mitsue (Miki) Sullivan, was formally diagnosed with early onset dementia in 2023, his life changed forever. The pair had only just moved to the regional Victorian town of Ararat to find a slower pace of life when Ms Sullivan received her diagnosis, leaving them with minimal friends and support networks. Mr Sullivan said the disease took its toll on his wife, affecting her memory and personality, even making her aggressive and violent at times. Left to care for his wife by himself, Mr Sullivan had to watch as the disease slowly destroyed her memory, all while they struggled to navigate the healthcare system. But as much as his wife needed help, Mr Sullivan needed support too. Isolated and anxious about his wife's health, Mr Sullivan said he became suicidal. "It's been hard," Mr Sullivan said, tears welling in his eyes. Ray's love story Mr Sullivan was 17 when he enlisted in the Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF) for a nine-year apprenticeship. Three years later, when he was posted to the Butterworth Air Force base in Penang, Malaysia, his life changed forever. "Being posted overseas in Butterworth really opened my eyes, it made me realise I wanted to study and travel and do something with my life," Mr Sullivan said. When he returned to Australia, he was posted to Richmond RAAF base in New South Wales and applied for a Japanese language course at Macquarie University, before travelling to Japan to work as an English teacher. "My wife was working in the bank very close to the English school where I was [in Chiba, Japan]," Mr Sullivan said. "It didn't work out initially, but being persistent, I came back and asked her for a date again and she said yes." After teaching Ms Sullivan English, the pair developed a close friendship and in time, a relationship. They married and had two boys together. Dementia diagnosis struggle For two years, Mr Sullivan tried to get a diagnosis for his wife, but was told that because she was under 60, it was more likely depression. It was only when Ms Sullivan went to Japan with her son in 2022, that she was diagnosed. "We made the decision at the time that she was going to come back to Australia, but I was in two minds all the time because I thought if she came back, she wouldn't be able to go to Japan ever again," Mr Sullivan said. "That weighed heavily on my mind." In 2023 she was formally diagnosed in Australia. As Ms Sullivan's disease developed, so did her aggression and it was no longer safe for Mr Sullivan to live with his wife. Being under the age of 65, Ms Sullivan is not eligible for government-funded aged care services, limiting options for proper local care. The only aged care that could take her was in Ballarat, an hour's drive from their Ararat home. 'They've always had my back' In 2022, feeling overwhelmed about his wife's condition, Mr Sullivan attended a suicide prevention workshop organised by Ararat RSL wellbeing advocate Lyn Russell. Mr Sullivan said Ms Russell had been a foundation of support for him ever since, even helping him find Ms Sullivan temporary day care and then the aged care facility in Ballarat. Touched by his plight, Ms Russell enrolled in a diploma in dementia care through the University of Tasmania so she could help more. "I'm often sending Ray material to read," Ms Russell said. "It gives him a better understanding of Miki and the possible future that we can hopefully help her with." Ms Russell said she had been helping Mr Sullivan find his wife the proper care in Ararat. "She's one of the younger generation that has this awful disease and we don't have sufficient or enough facilities to cater for the younger people," Ms Russell said. "So it's fighting a battle … trying to find a facility that will take Miki and with the facilities [in Ararat] the staff aren't trained appropriately to handle people with [aggressive] symptoms and the waiting lists are getting longer and longer. Ms Russell said Mr Sullivan's increased involvement in the RSL and their active programs had brought him out of his shell. "He's very chatty and more active, [he's] even started going to the gym," she said. Mr Sullivan has also taken over the running of the fortnightly chess and card games at the RSL as well as teaching Japanese at the University of the Third Age. In between visits to his wife in Ballarat, Mr Sullivan tries to give back to the RSL, and will be selling poppies ahead of Remembrance Day. "I was alone and cut off, but through the RSL I met other veterans … we understand each other."
