By Ivan Lim

Copyright tnp

A woman who runs a small home-based baking business says her husband thinks it’s unfair for her to use shared “family resources” – space, electricity, and water – for her venture, even though they split all expenses 50/50.

In a Sept 16 Reddit post titled “Family members of home-based businesses, do you expect the business owner to pay you rent/utilities for running the business in your home?”, user breadandpasta described how what started as a passion project has now become a source of tension in her marriage.

‘It’s in his house too’

The woman explained that she began her home-based business (HBB) while living with her parents and continued it after moving into her current home, which she co-owns with her husband.

All expenses – mortgage, utilities, groceries, appliances, furniture – are split evenly, with a “give and take” approach so they don’t calculate down to the last cent.

But the husband, she said, has repeatedly told her he feels it’s “unfair” for him to pay half the bills while her business, which has had a turnover of just $1,000 this year, uses the home’s electricity, water, and space.

To keep the peace, the couple agreed that ingredients bought with HBB funds could be used for family meals, the baking gadgets she purchased herself would be shared for personal use, and any extra bakes would go to him or his friends if he asked for them.

She added that he never helps with the baking, dishes, or marketing, saying: “I run the HBB myself.”

Still, the husband said he hardly eats what she cooks, so ingredients shouldn’t count as a shared expense; that extras don’t really count as “contributions” since he didn’t always ask for them; and that he has no say in how she runs the business even though it’s in “his house too”.

The woman added that she has checked the utility bills, and the difference in usage since starting the business was negligible.

She said: “Every single time I bake, I think of the things he said, and it doesn’t sit right with me too. What about my 50% share of the house and expenses that I paid for? What if whatever amount of utilities I’m using falls within my 50% of contribution?”

Need to choose between business or marriage

The husband has since stopped raising the issue to “maintain peace,” but the baker said the tension remains.

He sometimes asks her to bake extras for him, only to leave them untouched in the fridge for days, which adds to her frustration.

“I started the HBB because I love baking,” she wrote. “But now it feels like I have to choose between my baby (the HBB) and my marriage.”

She has even stopped promoting the business and is considering ending it altogether once her current supplies run out.

Spouse or roommate?

The post sparked a heated discussion, with most commenters saying the real issue wasn’t the business but the marriage itself.

Many said the couple clearly had different views on money and contributions.

“Are you guys husband and wife or roommates? Why do you guys even get married when it’s obvious there is no sacrifice and giving in the relationship. If everything is so calculated, did you guys marry just for the sake of BTO?” said one.

“Aiyo so exhausting sia. Throwing away the man sounds way easier than to live the rest of the life like this,” added a commenter.

One Redditor said she didn’t have a husband but an auditor, and that the only splitting she should do was with her husband: “And whatever else needs splitting in a divorce.”

Some offered business-minded solutions.

“Can you give him a baseline token amount for every sale you have? For example, $5-10, to shut him up? Should definitely cover the water and electricity?” said one.

“Overly simplified but I would suggest you should park % of the HBB profit as additional contribution to the home expenses on top of the 50%. Bottom line. I agree should consider paying some form of “rent”. Then again I don’t see why a couple need to drill so detailed anyway since you say small HBB,” said another.

One Redditor advised marriage counselling as a solution.

“Both of you may be feeling unseen, and are stuck in this conflict loop because you measure contributions differently,” said the Redditor. “If you both decide to go down this route, do find a fully registered clinical psychologist.”

A few defended the husband, pointing out that the post only showed her side of the story.

“It takes two hands to clap. Is she contributing her profits back to the household? The fact that she would choose her “baby” over her husband is a huge red flag to me also,” said one.

“Both of you are equally calculative and nobody willing to give in,” another said.

But one commenter summed up the general sentiment: “Compete to outdo each other in love instead of calculating every cent. So tiring to live like this.”