Jen Hatmaker‘s former pastor ex-husband, Brandon Hatmaker, is finally breaking his silence years after the HGTV star initially accused him of cheating on her.
After Jen spoke out about his past affair while promoting her memoir, Awake, Brandon took to Substack on Monday, September 22, to offer his side of the story.
“We are all bigger than our lowest moment. For those of us living in the consequences of our actions, that can be a hard sell. While I know this truth in my head, I still struggle today to really believe it — for myself — in my heart,” he wrote in the lengthy statement. “The lowest moment of my life was my very public affair five years ago. I caused so much pain, so much humiliation, and I brought so much confusion into the lives of many people that I loved.”
Brandon called the downfall of his marriage a “culmination of a three-year personal spiral,” writing, “In which I had lost my anchor, felt no hope, and was the loneliest I’ve ever been in my life. While that was the lowest moment of my life, a very close second, is having to relive it today. Even harder, to watch others who I love, having to do the same. I’ve owned my mistakes, I’ve made amends, I continue to do the work, I’ve worked hard to restore relationships, and I’ve started over.”
Jen and Brandon got married when she was 19 and expanded their family with five kids before appearing on HGTV’s My Big Family Renovation. Following 26 years of marriage, Jen has openly discussed the moment in 2020 when she found out Brandon cheated, which ended their relationship for good.
“With the release of Jen’s new book, it has stirred the pot quite a bit. Many of you are new to our story and hear the promotion, read the articles, and watch the interviews,” Brandon continued. “I’ve noticed a handful of statements that have been thrown out there that tell only a piece of the story. Without context, there have been many things said that leave it up to the reader or listener to decide how to fill in the blanks.”
Brandon noted that he chose “not to stand up” for himself “out of fear of it coming across as making excuses.”
“There are no excuses. But I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to have an affair. I didn’t fall out of love overnight. Our love was coming to a slow and painful ending. And I privately mourned the death of our marriage years before our divorce,” he continued. “Let me be clear about something, I understand what it means to sit in the consequences of my actions. In no way do my circumstances excuse my actions. The purpose of this article is not to make excuses or rationalize anything, The purpose is to simply add context to a handful of areas where the vast majority, and nearly every new follower, is missing.”
He wrote: “It’s about a few items that don’t change what I did, but warrant some important distinctions — especially in areas that may cause someone to look more critically towards the church, make assumptions about someone I love, or fuel any personal angst or confusion they might be wrestling with personally.”
Brandon clarified that he wasn’t trying to question Jen’s version of events.
“Jen has every right to share her piece of the story. I don’t blame her for that. But I believe there are some truths left out that paint a false narrative or unnecessarily exaggerates areas that are truly important to me,” he added. “I’m not saying what she wrote is untrue. I’m saying that what’s left unsaid isn’t her responsibility to tell. The only one who can do that, is me.”
Elsewhere in his statement, Brandon addressed the narrative that Jen was the primary parental figure for their kids.
“To be clear, at the time of our divorce we had three adult kids and two teenagers. I know that I forever changed their story, but I was always available, was constantly engaged, and always supported them… and still do,” he wrote. “Jen was certainly the sole parent who had to carry them emotionally through the trauma of my affair, but I have beautiful memories of heartfelt and honest conversations about that as well. … I continue to parent and will always parent where appropriate. But my greatest joy is seeing them as the strong and independent young adults I always hoped they would be.”
Brandon also made it clear that he “stepped down from church staff” in 2015 — five years before his affair.
“While I struggle today to find my place in it — I still love and have hope for church. In fact, if I have any shred of dignity that remains, it was that I had stepped down from church leadership literally years prior to my affair,” he detailed. “Church leadership can be really hard. I always tried to teach with honesty, and integrity, and empathy. But after a really tough year leading, some difficult health issues, some horrific family issues, and a very traumatic experience where I was involved in an incident where a close friend died (where I felt at fault), I found myself teaching on stage one Sunday morning in 2017, feeling for the first time an absence of hope.”
Following his “last sermon,” Brandon explained that he is still “trying to find my way back” when it comes to his faith. He then slammed the insinuation that he didn’t fight for his marriage. Brandon detailed attending counseling alone for three years prior to his affair because he felt invisible in his marriage.
“While I had met my affair partner four months prior, it was literally the exact month at the three year mark without physical intimacy that I stepped out of my marriage sexually,” Brandon shared before revealing he then spent a month at Milestones at Onsite in Tennessee, which is a residential treatment center for trauma. “12 hours a day of counseling, group therapy, and trauma education without the distraction of a phone, TV, or the internet. If was life altering for me.”
He continued: “From that moment [after our divorce] my focus was my kids and my future. Not long after that I met Tina. She may have saved my life. Not figuratively, but literally. That’s another story I hope to share one day. … It’s been assumed by some that Tina, my wife, was my affair partner. She was not.”
Brandon concluded by weighing in on whether Jen’s memoir is a tell-all about their issues.
“From what I read I would estimate less than 5 percent if it is about the divorce,” he wrote. “It’s tough for a painful scene to be revealed after 5 years but it’s her story to tell and she has every right to. I would have thought any detail not shared over the past 5 years was out of discretion or the discernment that it was unnecessary, unhelpful, or non-redemptive to share… but here we are. Feels like a pretty intentional hook.”