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A viral Vogue article highlighted online dialogue surrounding women with boyfriends. It begs reflection on how women represent their relationships online. You’re reading Meredith Goldstein’s Love Letters newsletter. Each week, Meredith shares tales of human connection, thoughts on public policy and relationships, and behind-the-scenes stories about the Love Letters column and podcast. Sign up to get the dispatch. First, a contest. Next week is The Boston Globe’s Globe Summit. What is Globe Summit? It’s two days of a lot of conversations about the world, how Boston and Massachusetts fit into the world, and … some snacks, I assume. This year’s theme is Revolutionary Ideas. Speakers include politicians, doctors, Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey, Ben & Jerry’s co-founder Ben Cohen, soccer analyst Charlie Davies, chef Jordan Rubin, and many more. As part of the event on Tuesday (Nov. 18), I’ll be in conversation with best-selling author Elin Hilderbrand, known for her many Nantucket books — and now the New England boarding school story, “The Academy,” which she wrote with her daughter, Shelby Cunningham. Elin inspired this entire March Madness-style bracket on Boston.com. If you want to win in-person tickets, there’s a way in for free. With a guest! Send a relationship question to Love Letters right now. It can be a general one about the world (like, “How can I use AI to help with app dating?), or a specific one about a relationship in your life (as in, “Why doesn’t my husband see more of his friends?”). We use all questions anonymously, of course. You can submit your question and read more about the contest here. Shame, shame In case you missed it, an article with the headline “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” has gone viral in the last month, and has spawned many think pieces about whether boyfriends are, in fact, embarrassing to have, if you’re a straight woman. Writer Chanté Joseph begins her now internet-famous essay by saying she’s seen a shift in culture. Her social media feed used to be a highlight reel of straight women bragging about — and centering themselves around — boyfriends. Now, she sees women who seem to be a little ashamed of having one. Or that’s what she assumes, at least. I don’t want to sum up her ideas too much because they’re worth reading, but here are some general thoughts: I think Joseph’s essay is mostly about social media and personal branding. But if people live part of their lives on social media, it’s still very important to consider. What do we share with people? What does it say about us? I also think this essay is about growing into yourself. At 48, I see all kinds of people doing all kinds of things. I know straight women who are 99 percent focused on partners/children; I know women who are madly in love with their jobs and nothing else; and there are so many women in my life who have a romantic partner, and friends, and family, and hobbies … and also love to be alone! It can be awkward to figure out how you like to spend your life, and sometimes it takes decades. Maybe what Joseph is seeing is people growing in real time. This is the part I find fascinating: Joseph says, of the women who seem less open about their relationship status: “To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.” I’m kind of obsessed with what these social benefits look like in 2025, depending on who a person is, how old they are, where they live, etc. I understand that there is clout that comes with being a woman in a heterosexual relationship, but it hasn’t always worked that way for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was pretty sure that being, and remaining, single meant that people would take me seriously. I feared that if I was coupled, I’d be seen as part of something, as opposed to a whole. I also felt that being single helped me professionally — and financially (counter-intuitative, I know). Years ago, I wanted a raise because I was doing good work and my salary was low. I asked for the raise and got it. I was thrilled, but … I had a suspicion that I was given the money because I had no boyfriend. Because I was so monumentally single. Maybe I was being paranoid, but I think my specific superior at the time saw me as more in need — and more in charge of my own life — because I didn’t have a double income, or a man’s support. I deserved the raise, so I didn’t think about it too much. All I’m saying is that in many ways, I believed that there was social value in being on my own. If my social status was “lesser than” because of a lack of a boyfriend, I guess I didn’t care. However you feel about the essay, it brings up so many interesting questions about what we tell the world about our romantic lives, and how other people interpret the information. It’s also an interesting look at younger women and how they’re navigating a pressure-filled life in the middle of a lot of politics, and a world that continues to tell them they’re doing it wrong, no matter what. Single straight women: I see you. Coupled straight women who take pictures of your apple picking day with your boyfriend, where you’re wearing matching flannel tops: I see you, too. I love you all. Life is complicated. Let’s be kind to each other. More reading on this This is a take on the essay by Ava Swidler, who wrote a column in my college newspaper, The Daily Orange. (Yay for independent college journalism!) This is New York City mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani’s opinion on it. I think he’s missing the nuanced point, but … it was a busy week for him, and I appreciate that he answered the question. This is a Reddit thread to lose yourself in about the issue. Excellent adventure You know who can also be embarrassing? Fictional boyfriends. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had fictional boyfriends. They have included Christian Slater and Robert Pattinson. Those are real people, but I’m sure my assumptions about their personalities were all fiction. A few of my celebrity crushes went on to say or do something horribly embarrassing, or have politics that didn’t match mine, or in the case of Justin Timberlake, do whatever happened here with the blanket in the woods. In high school, I had a close friend, Stacie, who picked the one fictional boyfriend that might just be … very good. Keanu Reeves. Not only has Keanu Reeves continued to be Keanu Reeves, he has also been an incredible glue for my friend and me. Stacie and I can find each other across many miles, just to talk about him – or see him. Did you know he has a band? It’s called Dogstar. Stacie and I went to see two Dogstar shows in Washington D.C. and Baltimore when we were 17 and 18. When the band reunited about 30 years later, Stacie flew to Boston and we saw them here. Last week, I drove to New York City to meet Stacie to see Reeves on Broadway with his “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” co-star, Alex Winter, in “Waiting for Godot.” It was a very meta experience. Two old friends in the audience watching two old friends perform in a play about two old friends. Stacie bought us second row tickets. I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to take my phone out, but during the curtain call, the 15-year-old in me wanted to save the moment for her. I should mention, Stacie has been on the Love Letters podcast — one of my favorite storytellers (it’s a very good episode for people who are step-parents — or have one). Anyway, I’ll leave you with an image of Reeves at the end of the show, looking very sweet. The show was good, by the way. Stacie could not have been prouder of her longtime “boyfriend.” I was pretty proud of him, too. No embarrassment whatsoever. — Meredith
