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I had rose-tinted sex glasses on and I refused to take them off (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023) As Pete* gently twisted my nipple, which is one of his go-to moves during sex, I sighed internally – and not in a good way. He continued by passionately kissing my neck, as we switched positions to have sex from the side. Normally, his hands, tongue and d**k would set my senses on fire. When we had dated, I couldn’t get enough. Pete and I had enjoyed an off-again, on-again fling and I kept coming back for more – partly because I had feelings for him, partly because the sex amazing. But as I lay there, waiting for my body to respond to his touch, I noticed something peculiar: I was bored. ‘Was it always this bad?’ I silently asked myself. I was so taken aback, I didn’t quite know how to proceed.Thankfully, I didn’t really need to do anything at all – Pete orgasmed while I was still mulling over my options. The sex had lasted all of four minutes. Of course, I need to make it clear that you should never continue sex if you are not truly enjoying it. As we grow and change as people, so do our sexual needs – it’s as simple as that (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023) Instead, it’s better for both of you that you gently and respectfully tell a lover that you’re not feeling things at that point. The reason I didn’t with Pete is because I was shocked by how I felt – and I wanted to relive the good times, so I truly thought the shag would turn around. I had rose-tinted sex glasses on and I refused to take them off. Going back for seconds or thirds with a lover I once had an incredible connection with is something I’ve done many times – often with a good result and no hurt feelings. Humans are creatures of habit and we like what’s familiar. But there are moments where nostalgia is better left unexplored. Many years ago, I had a horrendous date – the kind that makes you question whether you should delete all the apps and buy a pet to give you unconditional love instead. I should have known it wouldn’t end well when I broke one of my cardinal rules and met up with this man quite far from my neighbourhood. It’s not that I don’t travel for dates but, as all women do, I worried about getting back safely and that I might miss the last train home – which is exactly what happened. Not only was the date awful but now I was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no Uber in the vicinity. Here’s what took me years to accept: You can’t force what no longer exists (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023) So I decided to turn lemons into lemonade by calling Dev* – a former lover of mine who would happily give me a ride in more ways than one. Sure enough, he picked me up 30 minutes later and we headed back to his place. Dev and I had a casual relationship that had only ever been about sex, though I considered him a mate of sorts, too.It was the perfect set-up where each of us got exactly what we wanted. So imagine my surprise when, as he took me to bed to make me forget about my crappy date, I was left disappointed. The sexy banter I had once found funny felt forced. The touches that had once made my skin tingle felt repetitive. I was bored and I didn’t understand why – because I didn’t want to be – and I refused to accept defeat, so like with Pete, I persevered when I should have tapped out. Here’s what took me years to accept: You can’t force what no longer exists. Sometimes the flame just burns out. My connections with Pete and Dev served a purpose once upon a time, but that time had passed. Comment nowHave you ever reconnected with an old flame? Share your experiences in the comments!Comment Now It is very probable that you will have similar moments in your own sex life, so it’s important to understand that a lost connection has nothing to do with skill. Dev and Pete both knew what they were doing, physically speaking, so they are not at fault any more than I am. As we grow and change as people, so do our sexual needs – it’s as simple as that. Some connections also fade over time, so don’t feel like you’ve ‘missed out’ on an opportunity, because it’s not true. That being said, the past isn’t always bad to entertain. Once, I reunited with an ex who is still one of the best shags I’ve ever had. When he kissed me, I thought I might combust from lust (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023) Denny and I ran into each other by chance and decided to have a drink, which soon led to more. We hadn’t spoken to or seen each other in years, but the sexual tension was palpable. When he kissed me, I thought I might combust from lust. Unfortunately, the same passion that made our bedroom activities explosive, blew up any chance we had of being together long-term – so we are no longer in touch. But I know, without doubt, that if fate ever threw us together again and we were both single, the sex would be just as good. Some people leave a lasting mark on your soul and I find that kind of beautiful. So yes, you can absolutely revisit good times with old lovers if the spark is still there – but don’t ignore your gut. If the shag has gone bad, bid your lover farewell and look toward the future. Trust me, it’s better to make new memories than to ruin old ones. *Names have been changed Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below.
