By Bowen Fernie,The Editors of GQ

Copyright gq

Knowing how to be a gentleman used to be straightforward: There were codes that were passed down, instilled, and strictly enforced. With both social mores and the nature of masculinity itself wildly in flux, that’s not exactly the case anymore.
Which is why we at GQ put our heads together and pulled in some wise (and well-behaved) outsiders to craft the ultimate guide to being a well-mannered gentleman in 2025. (This is, after all, Gentlemen’s Quarterly.) We’ve considered both the new predicaments guys might be struggling with in this specific day and age, as well as the classic, evergreen rules that men should still adhere to—and could maybe use a good strong reminder of.
This means we’re helping you navigate everything from the modern landscape of online-dating etiquette to how to act in that all-women Pilates class to when (and when not) to pop a Zyn, while offering you a refresher on everything from thank-you notes to how to be a conscientious human being in public to how to act at a dinner party. The result is a list of 125 rules on how to be your best-behaved self wherever you go in 2025 and beyond. Friends, dates, colleagues, and the people sitting beside you on your next flight all thank you for reading.
Meet Our Experts

Other People
We’ll assume you’ve got the basics of being a self-aware human down—but these moves will show you’re uniquely attuned to what other people want, need, and appreciate most.
1. Take out your AirPods when you’re talking to someone. Muting doesn’t count.
2. Ask before vaping indoors. No matter how sly you think you are, other people do notice.
3. If you’re in a situation where you wouldn’t smoke or vape, don’t pop a Zyn either. And go to the bathroom to remove your Zyn.
4. Everyone loves receiving flowers—but most bouquets are cloying and chaotic. If you have a favorite flower, send a small number of stems. If not, you can’t go wrong with a few calla lilies.
5. Always sneeze as if you’re at a library or a funeral. And in the crook of your arm, as if you’re dabbing.
6. Find a signature gift you can give to almost anyone for almost any occasion—and stock up. A specific candle. A specific Champagne. A specific short book. Surprise people when they get married, have a kid, celebrate a birthday, take you to dinner, or invite you over to their house. Be indulgent and indiscriminate.
7. Feeling stuck? A bottle of good olive oil is the move.
8. When someone you know has a baby, arrange to send them dinner one night during the first month.
9. Ditto if someone is ill or in the hospital.
10. ​​A handwritten thank-you letter is still correct. Even in our digital age, texting your thanks just doesn’t cut it and is no way to thank someone for their generosity or hospitality. Put some effort in. —William Hanson
11. If you encounter something you like that someone you know helped bring to fruition, always write to them to say congratulations or how much you enjoyed it.
12. Greet people you know with a single kiss on the left cheek. Unless you’re in a business setting or meeting someone for the first time, in which case stick with a handshake. If you sense someone going in for a hug—embrace it (and them).
13. Stand up or sit up straight when you’re talking to someone. It communicates respect—and good posture is better for your back too.
14. I was raised in the South, where “please” and “thank you” were not optional. Being polite is a simple yet effective way to make the world a better place. —Chris Black
15. Don’t under any circumstances listen to music, podcasts, TikTok videos, or take phone calls in public without using headphones. The noise pollution is at an all-time high from people of all ages. It must stop. —C.B.
16. The same principle applies for smell—we should not be able to smell you unless we are embracing you.
17. Hold the door when it makes sense. This is no longer gender-specific; it’s simply the right thing to do. —C.B.
18. Call it old-school, call it charming. But if we’re walking together, the gentleman should take the street side. I’ll be on the inside by the buildings. It’s a quiet sign from you to me that says, “I’ve got you.” —Ava DuVernay
19. Stop walking three feet ahead of your partner. Instead, match their stride.
20. Never raise your voice at someone unless there is an emergency.

On a Date (and in the Bedroom)
The laws of attraction, both old and new.
21. Be unambiguous when asking someone out. Suggest dinner (not drinks or coffee), imply that you’ll pay, and differentiate this hang from any previous hangs, ideally with a compliment. “I always love running into you. Can I take you to dinner sometime?”
22. If you’re planning a date and someone is asking for a suggestion on where to go, don’t just say, “I’m fine with whatever!” It puts the onus on the other party, and it’s annoying.
23. It’s uncouth to show your friends someone else’s dating profile. Those are meant to be seen by people on the app and people on the app only, not your boys after you’ve had three drinks at the bar. Or, even worse, screenshotted and shared with strangers online. Don’t break the contract of mutual vulnerability.
24. If you’re online dating, keep the in-app chat to a minimum. Once a rhythm is established—a few timely, flirty responses—get their phone number and ask them out. Unambiguously.
25. Always offer to pay on the first date. In fact, go out of your way to pay on the first date! But don’t expect anything in return.
26. The words body count should never leave your mouth.
27. The date isn’t over until you know I’m home safely. A simple “Did you make it?” or “Let me know when you’re in” goes a long way. It shows care. And that’s incredibly attractive. —A.D.
28. Clean your sheets every week. Better yet, purchase a few pairs and cycle through them. Your sheets should not be black or navy or made with polyester—they should be cotton or linen only.
29. If their last name in your phone is still “Hinge,” it’s too early to exchange nudes.
30. Don’t be weird about condoms. Buy them, have them on hand, wear them, and don’t make a big deal out of it; don’t ask if you can take them off in the middle of casual sex, and absolutely don’t ever take them off without asking your partner first.
31. Accept that sex is a skill that you can improve at. It’s a dynamic experience! Take your time and communicate. Ask what your partner wants and attempt it boldly. If something’s not going the way you both want it to, talk it out. Don’t be afraid to try to learn.
32. Asking “Is this okay?” is sexy. There’s been plenty of hand-wringing about how to confirm consent in the heat of the moment. It really can be just as simple as asking your partner, “Do you want to do this next?” or “Do you want me to touch you here?” Be alluring but clear—and if things are going well, you should definitely hear an enthusiastic yes in return. Any momentary awkwardness is far better than the potential alternative.
33. The age gap rule for adults used to be that men shouldn’t date below “half your age plus seven.” We like half your age plus 10. (Hey, nothing’s inflation-proof.) We can call this “the gentleman’s age gap.” And no, your metabolic age doesn’t count.
34. The “What exactly are we doing here?” conversation should happen somewhere around the fifth date. By then, you should know whether you want a real relationship, some version of a modern situationship, or to call it quits.
35. Never kiss and tell. Duh.

Because getting your form right isn’t the only thing you have to worry about.
36. Nudity in the locker room is fine, but being egregious about it—like striking up an entire conversation with your hands on your hips—is outmoded.
37. Never use your phone in the gym locker room. The fact that phones are now cameras makes it unsettling, and you don’t want to give anyone a reason to suspect you’re trying to snap a photo of their junk on the sly.
38. That goes for outside the locker room too: Don’t film anyone at the gym.
39. We can’t believe we have to return to this first law of the gym, but: Wipe down the machines after you use them.
40. And rerack your weights. —C.B.
41. You get exactly one chance to ask your gym crush out. Wait until they’re done with their workout. And proceed with the utmost caution: Do you really want to make things awkward at the one place you both go to every day to blow off stress?
42. We’re proud of you for finally wising up to the fact that Pilates is an amazing full-body workout. But if you’re the only guy in an otherwise all-women Pilates class, chill out with the grunting.

A refresher for the new era of full-time in-person office life.
43. Set firm, common-sense boundaries. Don’t comment on anyone else’s appearance. Don’t take personal calls where other people can overhear them. Don’t ask out anyone beneath you on the org chart.
44. Say as little as possible about why you’re taking time off. Mystique is good at work. You might benefit from the misperception that you’re interviewing for another job.
45. Related: Don’t ask why someone’s taken time off. Unless they’re raving about their wine tour of Provence, they might be intentionally keeping the details private.
46. Always try to find a quiet, secluded place in the office to take a Zoom or a phone call. Do the courtesy lap, and if nothing’s available, at least acknowledge to the people around you that you need to be loud for a little while.
47. Dress up for work, whatever that means to you. “The office” can take many forms these days, which makes it all the more important to distinguish when you are “at work.” Even when you’re remote, you should change your clothes when you’re working, whether that means putting on a clean, presentable outfit to commute to a coworking space or a fresh pair of PJ’s to sit at your computer.
48. Your workplace attire should not be the same as what you wear on the weekends. It should always be more formal.

Restaurants
Way beyond table manners.
49. Carry cash—one hundred bucks in greenbacks. Spread the love. A dollar or two to the bartender. A dollar or two to the barista. Five bucks to the valet.
50. Once you turn 30, split the dinner or drinks check two ways, max. Or, better yet, trade off picking up the whole bill.
51. Treat your family and friends as often as your budget allows.
52. Unless you’re wedged into the middle seat of a booth, stand up to greet people when they arrive. (And, of course, don’t forget to kiss them on the cheek.)
53. Never insist on ordering for your date.
54. But go ahead and offer to order for the whole table.
55. Neaten up your plate before your server takes it away. It’s easy to do and nicer for everyone involved.
56. If it’s before six, you can’t get mad at people having kids at a restaurant.
57. But if it’s after six, parents are responsible for the (ideally positive, soothing) experience of everyone else in the restaurant. Placate your wild animals however you can, and if you can’t, remove them from the premises for a walk around the block.
58. Speaking of wild animals: You bring your dog, you eat at the outdoor tables.
59. In a restaurant, your back should never be to the door. If your back’s to the door, how are you protecting anyone? Anyone being me. Stay aware, please. Be present. Safety is sexy. —A.D.
60. The bar seat is your secret weapon. One night a week, pick a restaurant and take yourself out to a solo dinner at the bar. You get to avoid Resy hell and meet people doing the same.

The Phone and the Internet
Endless information also means an endless frontier for misbehavior.
61. Never say, “I’ve already seen this” when someone sends you a funny post. It’s a weapons-grade bummer.
62. Sorry, but there’s no reason to ever have your phone out at the movie theater. We thought we all agreed on this 20 years ago.
63. Pick up the phone when your friends call. And be the caller sometimes too. Talking on the phone is a lost art and one of life’s great pleasures. Stop reacting to the sound of your loved ones’ voices like they are something to be afraid of.
64. Use text reactions wisely. If your friend sent you a meaningful one-on-one message, a mere reaction is essentiallya conversation ender.
65. When out in the company of others, keep your phone tucked away and out of sight. The exception: pulling it out once to take a photo to commemorate the glorious phoneless experience.
66. Assume any email will be forwarded, any DM screenshotted. Compose accordingly.
67. Control your thumbs. There’s little to be gained—and much to be lost—from arguing online or double-tapping someone’s Instagram thirst traps.
68. No man who doesn’t post for work should have a public Instagram.
69. You would be a better dad, partner, and friend if your screen time were cut in half.

Parties and Events
How to be fun at parties—and how to make sure people have fun at your parties.
70. Curate a table. Don’t put people beside people that they’re always with. If you’re going to have a fun party, mix it up—and don’t make it awkward. Find people of common interests that you want to get to know each other better and put them together, but don’t do it in a way that they feel isolated. —Keith Baptista
71. Never charge your friends for a dinner party. No matter how confident you feel about your culinary skills, your home is not a restaurant. If you can’t shell out for the groceries necessary to feed the group, pivot to a potluck.
72. But if you’re a dinner party guest, you must bring something. A bottle of wine is always a safe bet. So are flowers. So is good olive oil.
73. Understand who your guests are. Some people have dietary restrictions. Some people drink, some people don’t drink. Have you accommodated them? It really comes down to being very personal and making sure that people feel like they’re being treated as an individual as opposed to a group. —K.B.
74. Always have a chic nonalcoholic beverage option to toast with.
75. And it should go without saying, but never ask why someone’s not drinking.
76. No stranger owes you their opinion. Serious issues and politics can always come up, but don’t corner someone you’ve just met to shake them down for their takes. The bar is not debate club, and thoughtful conversations are better after small talk.
77. Small talk is both an art and a courtesy to the person next to you at a social occasion. Think of who’s going to be at the party and do a bit of prep work. Practice talking to strangers at coffee shops, the dry cleaner’s, wherever. You can do it!
78. If you’re too tired and busy to talk about anything besides how tired and busy you are, stay home. Your pals will thank you.
79. If you must cancel at the last minute, radical honesty is the best policy. Instead of coming up with an excuse, just admit you need to stay home and lie on the couch. People will empathize with your social burnout.
80. If you’ve invited more than 10 guests, let people leave their shoes on at a house party. It’s hard to flirt in socks.
81. Try to attend every wedding you’re invited to. It means more than you might realize to the couple. Plus: Once the wedding boom passes in your late 30s, you will not regret any of the weddings you went to, only the ones you didn’t.
82. But you never have to attend another bachelor party again.
83. If you don’t know whether you’ve met someone or not before, “Nice to see you” will always cover all possibilities.
84. When you introduce people, give them a bit of a starting point for conversation. What’s something they have in common between them? Find the connection. —K.B.
85. Always introduce people. In any social setting, it’s on you to be the connector. Even if you’ve just met someone, introduce them like you’ve known them for years.
86. If you’re part of a group conversation and somebody joins you, graciously introduce them and say, “We were just chatting about this.” This allows them to be able to join in on whatever’s been taking place. —K.B.
87. In general: Talk less.
88. A gentleman would rather ask questions than talk about himself. It’s very boring at parties to have the person you are speaking to want to match your story with their own. Humility is knowing that other people are more interesting than you are. Get into the habit of asking follow-up questions to an interlocutor’s stories. —W.H.
89. In social situations—dinner, drinks, meeting your partner’s friends for the first time, whatever—don’t be boring. The bar is this: contributing. A joke, a good story, a genuine curiosity about another person. “Being shy” is not an excuse. If you’re present, pull your weight! Don’t freeload off the energy and hard work of others.
90. Better yet: Throw one party a year. It’s your civic duty. If you don’t like parties, or don’t have space, you should find another, small-scale social initiative. Be the one who organizes buying baseball tickets.
91. If you go to someone’s house for dinner and you bring anything, it stays at their house. I don’t care if the wine went unopened or the dessert sat untouched. —C.B.
92. Don’t set up a content stream in the middle of a party that disrupts everybody else. —K.B.
93. Offer to help do the dishes, whether or not you cooked.
94. A targeted exit is always a good way to get out of a party. Say bye to your host and any really good friends, but it’s not necessary to say goodbye to everybody, because you’re interrupting conversations and slowing things down. —K.B.
95. But really—always say goodbye to the host.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
We’ve all gotten a little too comfortable on mass transit, lacking awareness of the hundreds of other people who are potentially affected by you. Some tips to remember.
96. Offer up your seat on public transportation. Make a point to look up from your phone between stops to check if there’s anyone—a pregnant woman; anyone over the age of 70—who’s just boarded and needs to sit.
97. Open the passenger door for your date. They do it in movies for a reason.
98. Try to be the person who calls and pays for the Uber.
99. If you’re riding shotgun, be an entertaining and engaged companion and navigator. Don’t just silently sit there scrolling on your phone.
100. Yes, you can take your shoes off on a red-eye. But only if you’re wearing socks, and you better put those shoes back on to go to the bathroom.
101. Flight delays will happen. Everyone is in the same boat. Nothing is more embarrassing than a grown man freaking out about a thunderstorm. Stay composed.
102. Nobody back home wants to hear about your delay nightmare.
103. Do not bring your own hot food onto a plane. No one wants to smell your bacon, egg, and cheese at 6 a.m. —C.B.
104. Help the person next to you struggling to get their carry-on into the overhead bin. Put those overhead presses to good use.
105. The small-talk window with your seatmate is before you’re in the air and after you land—anything above 10,000 feet is off limits.
106. Don’t try to flirt with the flight attendants. —C.B.

Your Closet
Yes, there’s personal style—but there are also hard-and-fast rules.
107. If someone compliments your outfit, say thank you—don’t start naming the credits.
108. It’s always better to be overdressed. (Again.) After a decade or so of dressing down feeling especially fresh, suddenly there’s no cooler move than showing up to the function in a look sharp enough to make people assume you’re heading somewhere spectacular afterward.
109. Never put “optional” on your dress code. Either make your guests wear black tie or don’t. The wishy-washiness just confuses everybody.
110. A gentleman always follows the dress code. It’s the height of poor form to decide that an event’s stated dress code is beneath you and arrive wearing something else. If you don’t like the dress code, don’t go to the party. —W.H.
111. You’re not Justin and Hailey Bieber. You and your date should look like you’re dressing for the same occasion, whether it’s a dinner date or a black-tie wedding. (And if you must go to a costume party, you might as well commit to the look.)
112. No need to overdo it. Fragrances and scents and whatnot. Just smell clean and look like you gave it a little thought. You don’t have to smell like a perfume ad. Fresh goes a long way. —A.D.
113. Nobody cares about the deep meaning behind your tattoos.
114. Do not carry all of your earthly possessions in your pockets. Your wallet and keys should not be visible or audible in your pants. It’s 2025—get a bag. And while you don’t need to be Jacob Elordi carrying a brand-new Louis Vuitton Speedy, you can also do better than a free canvas tote.
115. Get regular pedicures—no polish needed. If you let them turn into claws, they can never be toenails again.

Because a gentleman is a gentleman even when nobody’s watching.
116. If you cohabitate, pick your socks up off the floor.
117. And be proactive about house chores—take out the trash or refill the soap before you’ve been asked.
118. Wash your towels…way more often than you already do. A good rule of thumb is at least once a week.
119. Invest in mood lighting. Nothing kills the vibe like the big overhead light.
120. If you watch movies or TV shows ahead of your partner, you should be ready to rewatch if they ask you to.
121. Take your shoes off at home. Definitely offer to take your shoes off at someone else’s house. Invest in a great pair of house slippers and, if you really want to be hospitable, provide pairs for your house guests too.
122. There are outside clothes and inside clothes. Get into the habit of changing into clean, comfortable loungewear when you return home. And absolutely no outside clothes on the bed.
123. Don’t get into bed with dirty feet.
124. In the summer, take two showers a day.
125. Learn how to cook one thing well. Serve it with gusto. There, you’re the epitome of a modern gentleman.

Plus: 7 Classics From GQ’s Late, Great Style Guy
Glenn O’Brien dispensed his wisdom for years in GQ, answering questions from lost and confused men the world over. Here are a few pieces of advice from the archives we’ll always stand by.

When one encounters a flagrant cellular-etiquette violator and an icy glare doesn’t do it, good old-fashioned throat clearing can be effective. If it’s not, an “I beg your pardon” will convey a proper dose of righteous indignation.
If there is income inequality, everybody pays on the appropriate occasion. The more impecunious person pays when it’s pizza, the higher roller pays when it’s sevruga and Pol Roger.
Shorts are not for business unless you’re with UPS or in the Tropics, and I mean that strictly: between 23.5 degrees north latitude and 23.5 degrees south latitude.
I don’t check out guys’ nails, but I do notice if they are dirty or unkempt. Nip that in the bud.
The real essential is a medium- weight gray suit, which can go from a wedding to a trial to a conference to a funeral to a hot date, possibly with a tie change.
Cut your dry-cleaning bill by cutting your dry cleaning. Get a hand steamer and refresh your suits as needed.
Throw stuff out. Men have a horrible habit of holding on to things like ugly towels and stained sheets or Uncle Louie’s toaster oven. Laziness and sentiment are the enemies of an inspired home.

A version of this story originally appeared in the October 2025 issue of GQ with the title “The Modern Gentleman’s Guide to Manners & Etiquette”