By Natasha Hinde

Copyright huffingtonpost

There are times in life when kids decide that they really do not want to do something – and let’s face it, usually that something is either get out of the door on time for school, or leave the park (or any other event/attraction they happen to be enjoying).

But according to parenting coach Dr Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta, there’s a ‘3 yes’ trick that could help allay any big emotions while helping your child feel seen and heard.

And it works with older kids and teenagers, too.

What is this parenting wizardry she speaks of?

In an Instagram reel demonstrating how the ‘3 yes’ technique works, Dr Hauge-Zavaleta can be seen role-playing a conversation between a parent and child at the park.

“It’s time to go,” says the parent figure, while the child replies, “No I don’t want to leave.”

Then comes the real magic. The parent figure says: “You love the park?” to which their child responds in agreement. She continues: “You want to stay here all night long?” to which the child says, “yeah”, and lastly the parent adds: “The slide is your favourite?!” to which the child again agrees.

After the child has agreed three times, she moves on to the next step.

In Dr Hauge-Zavaleta’s example, the parent figure then concludes with: “I know you’d stay here forever if you could. Park is all done. Next is walking to [the] car.”

Why does it work?

“It helps your child feel heard and gives them the time that they need in order to process big feelings before they’re ready to cooperate,” explained Dr Hauge-Zavaleta.

“Just ask them three questions that you know they will say ‘yes’ to, questions that reflect their experience, before you ask them to cooperate again.”

While it’s apparently a useful parenting tool, it’s also used in business as a way to help encourage clients to agree to something.

As Bruna Bitterncourt, a digital marketing expert, shared on LinkedIn: “By getting them to agree multiple times, you create a subconscious pattern of affirmation, making it easier for them to say ‘yes’ when it really matters.”

And it can work with older children and teens who are experiencing intense emotions, too.

If a teenager is annoyed about something, for example, you can share three statements about how you think they’re feeling that (hopefully) they can agree with. (And if you get it wrong, you can own it and try again, suggested Dr Hauge-Zavaleta in a previous video shared to TikTok.)

In this way, it’s not about “fixing” things, rather it’s about helping to create connection.