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Stay hydrated with Joe’s free newsletter, SPORTS! Happy Hour. Here’s the link to sign up. This is an opinion column. ______________ Halloween is upon us, which means two things in the SEC. One, it’s Nick Saban’s birthday, so happy birthday to his GOATness. Two, it’s the weekend when Florida and Georgia play their annual rivalry in Jacksonville. Alabama was off this week and Auburn finally has an easy gimme of a game at home against Kentucky. What could go wrong, right? Former Auburn coach Bryan Harsin was fired on Halloween three years ago, but we still got faith in Hugh Freeze. The only thing that Saban and Harsin ever had in common was their mutual disdain for the NIL era of college football. Harsin hated what modern-day college football had become, so he had to go. In the new NIL era, he didn’t want to pay college football players. As for Saban, his whole recruiting pitch was creating value for players at Alabama so they could strike it rich in the NFL Draft. Gone are the days. Now college football is all about finding value on the NIL market. For college-football purists, it’s a horror show. Naturally, this being Halloween, that got me thinking. We throw in a fun poll question every week for readers in the “6-0 Challenge” section of Joe vs. the Pro and the Hero (don’t forget to make your picks). Sometimes the questions are related to football. Sometimes they’re just completely random. Considering the time of year, last week’s question was about Halloween and football: Who would be a better value on the NIL market as an edge rusher, Jason Voorhees from “Friday the 13th,” or a werewolf? It’s a lot to consider. Everyone in the SEC knows that a freakishly skilled edge rusher is hard to find. That’s why over 70 percent of readers went with the werewolf. Mythical beasts stay undefeated, and, as the football cliché goes, every great defense has to have some dogs. Is there more NIL value with the werewolf, though? I had questions. As everyone knows, Teen Wolf was a superstar for the Beacon Hill Beavers, but he was also moody, erratic and refused to stay humble about his success. Put it this way. There’s absolutely no way Teen Wolf was giving any coach an NIL discount. No doubt a werewolf at defensive end could tear through an offensive line, but I don’t think people completely appreciated the blue-collar work ethic of All-American slasher Jason Voorhees. Plus, don’t werewolves only come out on full moons? That could be problematic. How many games every season are actually played at night under full moons? It seemed like paying top dollar for a quarterback-mauling werewolf might not guarantee a high-yield return on investment. Isn’t college football all about ROI these days? I decided to ask some experts about their opinions. Who would actual coaches in the SEC pick, Jason or a werewolf? Being a thoughtful journalist who always practices the highest degree of professionalism, I didn’t want to bother a coach with such a trivial question during the middle of a game week. Alabama was off this week after its impressive run of five consecutive victories against SEC opponents. Coach Kalen DeBoer was fair game. First, though, we posed the question to Missouri coach Eli Drinkwitz. Mizzou is off this weekend, too. Drink wasn’t in the best of moods considering his team just lost to Vanderbilt and his starting quarterback dislocated his ankle during the game. Still, we needed answers to the important questions. Jason or werewolf? “Yeah, I got, I got no idea,” Drinkwitz said. If only Mike Leach were still with us. Coach Leach, who loved Halloween and considered himself a pirate, would have given us five good minutes on the pros and cons of Jason vs. the werewolf debate. “Think it through,” I said to Drinkwitz on the weekly SEC coaches Zoom call. To his credit, Drinkwitz then actually offered up some pretty good insight into what coaches value when it comes to spending money on football players. See, this column wasn’t a complete waste of time after all. “Yeah, yeah, I’m thinking it through,” Drinkwitz said. “Probably the uniqueness of a werewolf would give you more NIL value. Yeah, I think the uniqueness of the werewolf.” Brilliant. The more unique a player, the more value he brings to the team. All werewolves are canines, but not all canines are werewolves. It makes sense. “You have to pay the werewolf less, too, right?” I asked. The perfect follow-up! “No, I would think you’d have to pay the werewolf more, because he’s unique,” Drinkwitz said. Fair enough. It’s top dollar for the werewolves of the SEC. Filet minion and bone-in ribeyes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And here I was thinking they’d work for scraps. Next on the media call was Alabama coach Kalen DeBoer. The transcript of the call will go in the journalism hall of fame. Kalen … are you familiar with the movie “Friday the 13th?” “I’m familiar with it,” DeBoer said. “It’s been a long time.” OK, so you know who Jason is? Hockey mask. All that. “Yeah, yeah,” DeBoer said, clearly thrilled to once again be talking with the guy who said he should be fired after the loss to FSU. On the NIL market, who would have more value, Jason or a werewolf? “I don’t think I’m that educated on the movie to understand, you know, I don’t know,” DeBoer said. “I don’t have a good answer for ya.” Just name one. “Just name one?” DeBoer said. “I mean, I suppose, Jason. You said name one. I don’t have a reason for why I’m saying that, though.” Intuitive brilliance. That’s what I like about DeBoer. He goes with his gut and he knows how to build a team. Because here’s the thing. A werewolf would be a five-star recruit, and he might look pretty scary on film, but Jason never stops. Jason is a machine possessed by the forces of darkness, ill intent and revenge. You turn around, and, no matter what, no matter how fast or far you run, Jason is right there in the backfield. Jason sees ball; Jason gets ball. No questions asked. The guy doesn’t even sweat. And here’s the thing. Jason doesn’t even need a paycheck either. He’s old school like that. He just does it for the free education. MAILBAG SOUND OFF Got a question for Joe? Want to get something off your chest? Send Joe an email about what’s on your mind. Let your voice be heard. Ask him anything for the reader mailbag.
