Copyright thespinoff
In many ways, the Labour Party has been the political equivalent of the ‘go girl, give us nothing’ meme for the last two years. Chris Hipkins, tailed by Ayesha Verrall and Barbara Edmonds, was chirpy when announcing the Labour Party’s worst kept secret on Monday: a capital gains tax, slimmed down just enough to keep the left and the right unhappy. It wasn’t the way any of the Labour Party expected to kick off the working week following a long weekend, but thanks to a leak to RNZ over the weekend, the lights were up on the red team’s show. And they had at least a little something to reveal: concepts of a tax plan, which may or may not also solve our health system crisis. There were big questions hanging over the trio. Like, will you rule out a wealth tax? And, why wouldn’t a wealth tax work in Aotearoa? But also, are you sure you will rule out a wealth tax when your potential coalition partners are the Greens and Te Pāti Māori? “This is our policy,” Hipkins explained, multiple times, through gritted-teeth smiles. Sometimes Edmonds, a former tax lawyer, stepped in to speak about the economy. Sometimes, Verrall stepped in to explain how a capital gains tax can kill two birds – a health system in crisis, and an economy in the doldrums – with one stone. Behind them were pictures of Labour leaders past, and if photographs could speak, they might have the same warning that they’ve seen this all before. There were visions for three free GP visits, which the capital gains tax would only generate enough money to pay for after three years. There will be AI tools to help GPs get through their obscene workloads and ease those weeks-long waiting lists. There will be no more bright-line test. There was also a shiny Medicard, labelled “John A Citizen”, and promises there would be more fiscal policies to come. But on the whole, despite an hour of going over press release lines and taking questions, there wasn’t much to get excited about. It was Hipkins, Verrall and Edmonds going through the usual paces of this current government sucks and we will do loads better, trust us. But the routine is getting slightly old, and if you had to compare the whole song and dance to anything, it’s kind of like Dua Lipa performing ‘New Rules’ at the Brit Awards circa 2018, the pop culture moment that gave us a catch-all for low-effort performance. When YouTube commenter Tobias quite correctly called out Lipa’s terrible choreography with “I love her lack of energy, go girl give us nothing”, he (they?) unwittingly changed the course of pop culture history by declaring that a lack of effort cannot simply be applauded any more. It is time to demand more of the people who can give it. And this phenomenon is not limited to pop stars – it can also be applied to politicians. In many ways, the Labour Party has been the political epitome of “go girl, give us nothing” for about two years. And even combining Labour’s capital gains tax with last week’s whiplash of policy announcements – a detail-sparse Future Fund, subsidies for the gaming industry, something in NZ Doctor that turned out to be this – there isn’t a lot of meat for the left to chew on, a year out from an election. And in driving hard on what the tax plan won’t catch (the family home, farms, Kiwisaver, inheritance, to name a few), the party is self-aware that any kind of tax plan they announce will be seen as doing the most in the eyes of their political foes. You gotta love their lack of energy for landing on a specific side of the political spectrum. But if “go girl, give us nothing” has taught us anything, it’s that things can only go up from here – if there is hope for Lipa, there could be hope for Chris Hipkins and co, too. Maybe Labour’s Future Nostalgia is still cooking, and we just need to give them a little more time to figure out what sound they make will create the most engagement. Or maybe playing it safe and low-effort works for the time being. When your nearest ally is campaigning on a wealth tax that would bring free GP visits year-round, and the ones you want to kick out of government see any capital gains tax as an assault on investment, someone out there has to offer a soft middle ground. Capitalising on Labour’s show, it didn’t take the government too long to hold stand-ups of their own – finance minister Nicola Willis from parliament, and deputy prime minister David Seymour from his electorate office in Epsom. And as Willis wailed about the wealth-hating three-headed-tanihwa that could be coming into government next year, in the background, watching from a floor up, was Greens co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick, grinning like the Cheshire cat.
