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It's Tuesday, and if you were feeling irritable and itching to complain about something, I have some great news for you: another edition of The Gripe Report has arrived! When it comes to seasons, I think I've got to put Fall in the No. 1 spot. It's not as hot as balls, it's not as cold as balls, and it's got that incredible moment on the sports calendar that we're in now, where the NHL, NBA, and NFL regular seasons are underway and the World Series is about to get started. Could Spring do anything like that? Summer wishes it could have a sports schedule like that. Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com But don't get me wrong, it's not all college football and trick or treating for Fall. Despite being the king of seasons, it still has some areas that need improving. This is The Gripe Report after all, not the Hey, Nice Job, Here's A Pat On The Back Report. That would be dumb. Leaves I live in Florida, so I don’t get to see the leaves change like they do in other parts of the country. It’s lovely… for a little bit. But once those things start falling off, they’re a total pain in the ass. When I see leaves, I just see chores. It’s just non-stop raking and gutter cleaning. It sucks. In fact, it has tainted my feelings about looking at a nice fall-colored tree. I’ll see these brilliant shades of red, orange, and yellow, but all I can think is, "Damn, some poor sap has to rake all of those." I’m also not a fan of that rotting leaf smell that permeates the air once everyone dumps yards' worth of leaves in the street for the street sweepers to Hoover up. I'm sure some people love it, but there's just something about the smell of wet, rotting plant matter that, at least to me, isn't the most agreeable. So, in summation, Leaves: nice on the tree, total pain in the ass after that. Daylight Savings We're turning the clocks back an hour early next month, and while I love gaining an hour of sleep, we've got to stop this nonsense. I get that there was a purpose for it back in the era historians refer to as "the Day," but now? No. All it does is confuse people for a couple of days, and it makes everyone miserable because by the time they get home from work, it's pitch black outside. I'm even in favor of doing away with time zones. I think that would solve some problems. We just go with a 24-hour clock that is the same no matter where you are in the world. If 7:00 is in the middle of the night for you, who cares, and if your work or school day starts at 0:00, who cares? All that matters is that you know when things are. As more and more businesses operate globally thanks to the Internet, time zones and, by extension, daylight savings just confuse everybody. "Oh, my meeting is at 4 pm? I forgot, the office is on Arizona time. So that would be Pacific time, right? No, this time of year they're on Mountain." See how stupid this is? If we go with a 24-hour global clock, our problems would disappear… at least the time-based ones would. Having To Come Up With Excuses Why You Don’t Want To Go To Haunted Houses I love scary things. Horror movies, heavy metal music, etc. But I don’t like walk-through haunted house attractions, and that means every fall is me running through a gauntlet of people saying we should go to one of these and me trying to come up with some kind of excuse. As I said, thematically, I think this stuff is great, but there are two things I’m not big on. The first is jump scares, which I think is probably the biggest reason I abstain every year. I mean, that’s the entire point. You walk through a pretend mental institution, and then some clown jumps out and waves a chainsaw. Which, by the way, who left so many power tools lying around the wacky shack? That was probably their first mistake. The second thing I don’t like is just random strangers getting physically close to me. Like, if some guy ran right up to you and yelled in your face, you’d be pissed, and rightfully so. But if he does it while dressed as a zombie, this is "fun." Not for me it isn’t. So I have to come up with excuses to sit these out. I usually pin it on my dog and offer to watch him while my much braver fiancée, who enjoys that nonsense, goes out and has fun. Thankfully, we’ve reached hockey season, which means I get to use my favorite excuse: "Can’t; Flyers are on." Early Halloween Sections Speaking of Halloween, we’ve got to address the recent trend in Halloween decor coming out way too early. I mean, really? Jack-o-lanterns in August? I know it’s almost hacky to complain about it at this point, but it really is insane. My birthday is in July, and when I was a kid, that felt like it was smack-dab in the nougaty center of summer. Now? It feels like summer’s grand finale because within about a week and a half, there will be Halloween decorations popping up in stores. But this isn’t even the worst version of this we see in the fall. Early Christmas Sections Seriously, what the f–k?! This feels like a new phenomenon, but I’m seeing Christmas stuff before we’ve even gotten to Halloween! That is lunacy. We’ve got holidays stepping on each other's toes! I always understood why Halloween got such a long runway. There’s just not really anything too big before it, other than July 4. So, there’s a pretty big holiday desert that Labor Day and Columbus Day just aren’t going to fill. But now we’ve got Christmas stealing the spotlight from Halloween, and I haven’t even had a chance to watch all of The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror" episodes, as is tradition. This means that stores are trying to steer people from Halloween right to Christmas. But what about my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving? They’re trying to breeze past it because while it comes as a 1-2 punch with Black Friday, it’s not as much of a merch holiday. I mean, doesn’t everyone have a couple of big Rubbermaid totes full of Thanksgiving crap? Exactly, but we should. Thanksgiving is about food, football, family, and if you’re not as into that third one, food and football make for a great holiday anyway. … Well, there you have it, another award-worthy bit of Gripe Report-in', if I may say so myself. If you've got any gripes of your own, be sure to send them in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com
