Copyright dailymail
Bradley Cooper is breaking my heart. Not because he's out there reminding women over 40 that we're apparently past our sell-by dates by settling for no less a spindle of arm candy than Gigi Hadid (30 years old to his 50). No, I'm afraid my heartbreak was over his red carpet earlier this month for his new movie Is This Thing On? at which Cooper stepped out in New York looking suspiciously... inflated. Was it Botox? Filler? A cheeky little deep-plane facelift? Possibly all of the above. Whatever it is, the social media verdict was as swift as it was savage. Their verdict: our once crinkly eyed dreamboat suddenly looks puffy in all the wrong places. Now, as someone who's been known to indulge in the occasional tweakment, I get it. Ageing can be a menace. But as any repeat customer of the needle knows, while you may tell yourself it's only ever subtle jabs and that nobody will notice – every now and then you get a rogue nurse with an overexcited finger on the syringe, and the effects can be brutal… and tight! I wish I could sit Bradley down and explain something every woman knows but every midlife man seems to forget: You look better with age. Men get that sexy, gravelly voice, those wiser, worldlier eyes and the kind of wrinkles that say, 'I own land.' Meanwhile, we women have to deal with gravity doing its worst – drooping, deflating and making us look harder and more tired. Our faces turn into those 'before' photos you see on clinic websites. So when I saw Bradley's puffy, overly polished new face, I wanted to scream, 'No, not you, too!' Because lads, you don't need it. Not that Hollywood's leading men are listening. Too many are disregarding the truism of sex that the peak of male midlife panic is when women find them the most alluring. That ruggedness. Those furrowed brows, the stubble, the laugh lines. That lived-in, masculine charm that tells us they've got experience. Take David Beckham as a prime example. When he was younger, sure, he had boyish good looks. But the voice was squeaky and the face too innocent. Now, he's dropped a decibel, lost the baby face and is giving 'Daddy.' Or take another exemplar from the ageing-like-fine-wine category: George Clooney, who has long grown out of his gawky past and into a self-assured silver fox era. Oof, I get a bit hot under the collar just thinking about him. It's the same for Brad Pitt, now grizzled like a sun-ravaged fisherman. It's pure sex. None of that 'Benjamin Button' crap. So this new, puffified version of Cooper just doesn't cut it. His formerly crinkled, sparkly blue eyes now look a little too bright. His cheeks oddly chipmunk-like and feminine. His brows frozen in a state of permanent surprise. Now, I'm not saying for certain that he has had work done. After all, how could I know for sure? But if he has been under the needle, he would be far from alone. Men everywhere are embracing the tweakments trend with alacrity. One male friend of mine went on a reality dating show recently and, in an insecure pre-filming panic, let a trainee nurse go wild on his face with Botox. He came out looking permanently startled – like a Labrador that's just heard thunder. Whenever my girlfriends and I need cheering up, we send each other clips of him trying to flirt as has face stays stone still. Poor chap will never live it down. And yet, surgeons say the number of men coming in for treatments has exploded in recent years. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, men now make up around seven percent of all cosmetic patients, with hundreds of thousands going under the needle each year in the US alone. It's not a little annoying. Earlier this year, I couldn't get a Botox booking before Pride month because the boys had nabbed every appointment. And it's not just Botox. There's facial contouring, buccal fat removal, eyelid surgery and even something called a 'CEO jawline.' As London-based aesthetics specialist Dr Sherif Wakil put it: 'With men, it's all about structure. You want to sharpen the jawline and define the chin – but if you go too far, you lose that masculine edge entirely.' He's right. Once you cross that line, there's no going back – just ask Simon Cowell. It's a shame, really, because when it's done well, a subtle tweak can work. A fresher eye, a cleaner jawline – sure. But push it too far and you start wiping out the very thing that made you handsome in the first place: your manly character. Confidence can't be injected. Neither can charm. The lines, and the laugh marks are the good stuff. That's the bit we fall for. No tweakment can compete with that. So, gents, it's time to do as I did when I accidentally got a little too jab-happy after lockdown: wait out the six to 12 months for it to wear off. Back away from the needle. Mother Natures' already done you a solid.
