Copyright newyorker
Dear Pepper is an advice-column comic by Liana Finck. If you have questions for Pepper about how to act in difficult situations, please direct them to dearpepperquestions@gmail.com. Questions may be edited for brevity and clarity. Dear Pepper, Not to brag, but I️ used to be a bit of a hot shot in my field. I️ ran a small arts-and-media company, which had a huge social-media following, and I turned down work all the time because I️ had more than I️ could handle. But things have been shifting these past few years. At first I️ couldn’t tell, because it was all mixed up with the pandemic, but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m no longer “cool.” People don’t return my e-mails. My clients and employees are moving on. It’s existential, and not something we’re taught to deal with at my time of life—early middle age. I tell myself that it’s my entire field. That it’s the political climate and A.I. I’m still bringing in enough money, along with my wife’s income, to keep my family afloat, so I’m not job hunting yet. I’m not asking you how to feel financially secure again, but I️ am asking you how to cope. I️ want to feel useful, productive. I️ want to feel joy. I want to feel confident. I want to feel calm. I️ want to not feel what I️ did before I️ graduated from film school into the 2008 economy—a hopeless, falling, flailing dread. Can you give me some tips? I️ can’t waste my time feeling sorry for myself. I️ need to honor my existence and this wonderful life, and make things. But, first, I️ need to get out of bed. My Dear Mr. N., From personal experience (I️ used to be a dancing dog, if you can believe it), I️ know what it’s like to live through moments of being professionally “cool” and moments of not. It’s no different than being cool in life—some people get to have that in middle school, other people in their thirties. Coolness is a fickle bastard—it makes people like you not for who you are but because other people like you. And, when the coolness passes, they stop. But, even though the social and financial upshot is real, one’s own personal coolness is as silly as any trend—and not worth chasing. I️ think there are two stages of career fear. First, there’s dreadful confusion, and then dismal acceptance. The solution to the confusion stage is to calm down and search for meaning, to the extent that you can get answers. You get answers and then you, maybe, make a few changes. The solution to the acceptance stage is what you’d expect: put your mental health first. See people, meditate, read, exercise. Your first priority is to be able to function, and this will likely mean working a bit less. You used to be able to work more because work gave you validation; now you need to find your validation elsewhere and bring it to your work. You’re not going to get that same constant flow of adrenaline from working round the clock or being approached by celebrities begging you to make their music videos or whatever, and the people you used to confide in may no longer be confidants. But if you can put in the grownup effort to not fly off into outer space, fuelled by fear and dread, you’ll be able to do something important: your own work. If and when the time comes to find a more stable job, rest assured that you will rise to the occasion. But, for now, try to enjoy being someone who can make things just because. And see what comes out of you. Who knows? Your “It” status could come back one day. Though I️ hope you’ll take it as lightly as it deserves next time. Regardless, I’m rooting for you.
