Dear Eric: My good friend has been with her boyfriend for more than 20 years. She finally moved into his house after her mom died a year and a half ago. They attend each other’s family events — weddings, funerals, birthdays, sports events, work parties — and he tells her he loves her.
He’s had every detail of his future wedding already planned out, including who the groomsmen will be and where he wants to get married. Unfortunately, after every holiday or special event, there’s never an engagement ring for my friend. His girlfriend before my friend was a thinner blonde who dumped him.
After more than 20 years, do you think he’ll ever propose and get married to my friend?
—Bridesmaid-in-Waiting
Dear Bridesmaid: Sure, it’s possible. It’ll be even more likely to happen if your friend and her boyfriend have an honest, frank conversation about their wants and the details of their individual timetables.
While it might seem obvious that, after 20 years, he should want to propose, especially considering he’s already designed a dream wedding, the only way to find out what he’s really thinking is to talk to him about it. This is also the only way for your friend to let him know what she’s thinking.
Often in long-term relationships, we start to assume our partners have enough data to be mind readers. And sometimes, too, we assume we know every neuron firing in the head resting on the opposite pillow. But, of course, that’s not fully true.
Even if someone wants to have a surprise proposal, and all the fanfare that that entails, it’s crucial for the health of the relationship to keep lines of communication open.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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