Dear Annie: My husband works in the family business alongside his father, his brother-in-law, and sometimes his brother and cousin. He is a generous, hardworking man who would give the shirt off his back for his family. Unfortunately, they seem to take advantage of that generosity.
Despite the pressures of the business, we make it a priority to enjoy our life together. On Sundays, we take our children out to eat, and we plan family activities and vacations with just the four of us. These outings are special to us and give our kids wonderful memories.
The problem is, his family makes us feel guilty for having these moments without them. They say things like, “You go out to eat every weekend,” as if it’s wrong that we don’t invite them along. Even their young children have been drawn into it, asking our kids where we went and saying, “I wish we could go, too.” It feels like they are using guilt and envy to undermine our choices.
The truth is, we live within our means. We pay our bills, budget carefully and choose to spend what’s left on making memories with our kids. But the constant comments and guilt-tripping are starting to get under my husband’s skin, too.
I’ve kept quiet so far, but I’m wondering — what is the best way to respond when family tries to make us feel selfish or guilty for putting our little family first? — Frustrated but Firm
Dear Frustrated but Firm: Stop feeling guilty for living your life. Parents are entitled to private family time without the whole clan tagging along. The next time someone complains, smile and say: “We like to keep Sundays just for us.” Period. No excuses, no guilt.
If they keep pushing, that’s their problem, not yours. You’re raising your kids, not running a restaurant.
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