DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been with my husband for more than 30 years. He’s from a different culture, as are our now-grown adopted children. Most of my family members are religiously and politically conservative. They have known I was gay since I was in my 20s and almost always accepted us, but they are often critical of differences in race and culture. I struggled with this situation emotionally for decades and have had professional counseling.
With my parents now gone, I have attempted to maintain a connection and polite relationship with my siblings and other relatives, but during these politically charged times, I am finding it more and more difficult. During the past year, I have noticed some family members post anti-gay and anti-immigrant messages on social media. Some of them are so hateful and vile that I have quietly unfriended or unfollowed them. I am again hurt and disappointed and nearing a breaking point, and I’m not sure how to handle this further. Should I express my feelings now? Would a major confrontation serve any purpose or make a difference at this stage of life? — BREAKING POINT IN TEXAS
DEAR BREAKING POINT: By all means, speak up and let these homophobic and xenophobic relatives know their posts have affected you. They should be made aware that words have consequences. Sometimes people need reminding that messages posted on social media can be hurtful to people they actually know. Having been subjected to those posts, it’s your privilege to refrain from exposing yourself further to the toxicity, and I endorse your decision.
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Stories by Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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