DEAR ABBY: I am a man who was widowed 11 months ago. I met a woman on a dating site, and we clicked immediately. We have been enjoying each other’s company for several months. We have a long-distance relationship. She lives three hours away. Although she indicated on the dating site her status as “separated for two years,” she still lives in the marital house with her husband. She recently filed for divorce, but it could be a while before it is finalized. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t move out now to protect her mental health. She says it would be throwing money away.
Her husband is emotionally abusive, and I’m wondering if she’s really ever going to leave. Our relationship is not meeting my needs, and I don’t know if I can wait much longer, hanging on to a promise of a future that may never happen. The problem is, I’ve fallen in love with her. How can I protect my heart and move on to a relationship that meets my needs? I’m used to going to bed each night with someone. Now I sleep alone all week, and it’s taking a toll on me. What is your advice? — BIDING MY TIME IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR BIDING: You have been a widower for only 11 months, and it appears you have glommed on to someone who really is not available. I don’t know all of the circumstances of her marriage, but I have a strong hunch neither do you. Do you know for sure this person has actually filed for divorce?
Because, as you stated, this relationship is not meeting your needs, it’s time to pack it in and find a single local lady with whom to pursue a relationship. I am sure if you look around, there will be many.
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Stories by Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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