DEAR ABBY: I have a special-needs son and cannot travel with him alone. I have also been in a committed relationship for two years. When my aunt’s youngest daughter got married last year, I clearly stated that I would not be able to attend because of these limitations. Now her son is getting married. The family sent out an electronic invitation and asked for a plus-one. Since my son will be with my parents during the wedding, I filled it out with my name and my partner’s name.
I was recently told that the plus-one was meant only for my son and that I’m not allowed to bring my partner, despite the fact that he’ll be helping to support me during the trip. I find this incredibly disrespectful. Not only are my boundaries being ignored, but so are my son’s needs.
I’m considering not attending. Would it be wrong to decline the invitation on those grounds? I’d like to tell them exactly why I won’t be in attendance. I’ve had enough of being told to accommodate others at the expense of my own family’s well-being. — HURT IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR HURT: By now your aunt and her family should be well aware that your son is severely disabled. Do your aunt’s soon-to-be in-laws know? Are your parents expected to shoulder all responsibility for his care when that wedding takes place? Does your family know that your boyfriend helps you take care of your son? If the answer to those questions is yes, then what you received was less a wedding invitation than it was a bid for a gift. Send them your regrets, but do it politely.
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Stories by Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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