Copyright The Mercury News
DEAR HARRIETTE: I suspect that a friend of mine might be taking weight-loss supplements. She’s mentioned an interest in doing so before but has never confirmed that she started any particular regimen. She’s been losing weight rapidly over the last couple of months, and now she’s beginning to look unhealthy. If she’s not taking any supplements, then I’ll be even more concerned! I want to be supportive if my friend is seeking to lose weight or build a healthier lifestyle, but I don’t want to encourage habits that put her physical or mental health and well-being at risk. I just don’t know how to show my love, care and support without prying or even coming off as judgmental. How can I share my concerns with my friend when she hasn’t brought up her weight or health in a long time? — Health Concerns DEAR HEALTH CONCERNS: Tell your friend that you have noticed that she has lost a lot of weight. Ask her what method she is using. Encourage her to check in with her doctor to make sure she is following proper protocols. Tell her you are happy for her but a little concerned that the weight loss has been so rapid. Remind her that you love her and want the best for her. The rest is up to her. DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my 8-year-old son doesn’t listen to me unless I raise my voice. I hate that yelling has become our norm. It leaves me feeling frustrated and guilty, and I know it’s probably affecting him too. Small things like getting dressed, brushing teeth or cleaning up toys can turn into a major confrontation, and I end up yelling just to get him to comply. I’ve tried reasoning calmly, offering choices and even giving rewards, but nothing seems to work consistently. I want to be a parent who sets boundaries and enforces rules without constantly raising my voice, but I’m not sure how to regain authority in a calmer, more positive way. I worry that if this continues, our relationship could become strained or resentful over time. I want him to respect me without feeling like our home is a battlefield. How do I break this cycle before it becomes permanent, and help both of us feel more connected and less stressed? — Seeking Peace DEAR SEEKING PEACE: Get up early and do something to ground yourself. Do stretches, deep breathing, meditation or anything that engages your physical body and instills calm. Decide that you are going to be positive in all of your interactions with your son. With a smile and clear conviction, greet your son warmly and invite him to begin his day with a calming exercise. Teach him some stretches, and do them together. Show him how to start off focused. Tell him what time you want him to come for breakfast. Remind him of what you need him to do, and leave. When it’s time to eat, call him but don’t inspect. Let him have agency. Later, check to see which of his chores he did, if any, but don’t address it then. When he comes home from school, before he can play, invite him to complete any unfinished tasks. If he doesn’t do them, remind him. This is the time to take away treats — like TV and video games — without raising your voice. Become pleasant, quiet and resolute as you consistently enforce consequences. He will notice your change in behavior and test you. Stay strong. Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
