By Ben Shenton,Voices

Copyright jerseyeveningpost

By Ben Shenton

I’VE had a few telephone calls, and emails, asking me not to look so grumpy. The trouble is that I’m usually writing about Jersey politics so it’s very difficult not to be both depressed and angry.

The JEP like the grumpy picture, not much I can do about that, so I’ll change my writing style slightly to try and make the subject matter slightly less depressing.

In a dazzling display of cognitive dissonance, the Jersey government has announced its bold new plan to eliminate red tape – by first introducing a whole lot more of it. It’s the political equivalent of promising to declutter your house by buying five new wardrobes, anything left over from the Grouville car boot sale, and a filing cabinet shaped like a maze.

The first act in this bureaucratic ballet? A commercial property register, complete with fines for vacant properties. Not just any vacancies, mind you – those created by the Island Plan’s insistence that unviable commercial spaces must remain commercial, even if their only viable tenant is vermin. It’s a bit like banning umbrellas during a thunderstorm for safety reasons, and then fining people for getting wet.

But the pièce de résistance is the government’s plan to force busy businesses to complete mandatory surveys. These aren’t your friendly “how are we doing?” feedback forms, these are compulsory, potentially punitive questionnaires with unlimited fines for incorrect answers. Yes, unlimited. As in, “we’ll take your desk, your pension, and possibly your soul”.

A fictional civil servant, speaking on condition of anonymity, explained: “We believe that if we collect enough data, the economy will spontaneously heal itself – like magic.” This is governance by spreadsheet, where the solution to every problem is another form, another register, another fine. The government claims it’s streamlining, but it’s more like watching someone trying to fix a leaky boat by drilling more holes for drainage.

And let’s not forget the philosophical underpinning of this madness: the belief that regulation equals progress. The belief that if you just wrap enough red tape around a problem, it will eventually suffocate and disappear. Meanwhile, actual entrepreneurs – the people who create jobs, pay taxes, and keep the lights on – are left wondering whether they should bother at all, there are plenty of other jurisdictions that would welcome their investment and wealth creation. In the end, Jersey’s politicians have managed to turn a simple promise – cutting red tape – into a bureaucratic opera of inefficiency. It’s messy,it’s maddening, but at least it’s magnificently ministerial Jersey – and consistent.

If there’s one thing our civil servants excel at it’s turning simple problems into complex systems and then blaming the public for not understanding them. Governance should be about enabling, not entangling. If Jersey’s leaders truly want progress, they must stop mistaking paperwork for policy.

The latest attack on the private sector landlord is another case in point. Deputy Mézec should write a book called How to Kill a Rental Market. In a bold move to make renting “fairer”, Jersey’s government has unveiled a new set of residential tenancy laws that appear to be inspired by a fever dream someone had after binge-watching reruns of failed UK housing policy. The goal? To protect tenants. The result? To terrify landlords into extinction.

It’s a masterclass in economic self-sabotage. Picture a landlord, dutifully maintaining their property, navigating rising costs, and trying not to cry into their spreadsheet. Now imagine the government swooping in with a clipboard, a megaphone, and a massive regulation manual written in interpretive dance. Voilà – the Jersey rental market.

The new laws, passed with the enthusiastic nodding of politicians, promised to “rebalance” the relationship between tenant and landlord – not that there was much evidence it needed re-balancing. Translation: make it so legally risky, financially unrewarding, and administratively painful to rent out a property that landlords start Googling “How to invest in corporate bonds, with good liquidity and a 6% yield”, instead.

One local investor summed it up: “I used to rent out flats. Now I rent out my patience to the government every time they pass another law.”

The Housing Minister, who reportedly transitioned directly from school to politics without any inconvenient detour, assures us this is all for the greater good. Because nothing says “housing expertise” like never having managed a property portfolio, or balanced a budget, that didn’t involve taxpayer money.

And what happens when landlords flee the market en masse? Simple: supply shrinks, rents rise, and future generations are left playing musical chairs with overpriced shoeboxes built by Andium under the instruction of guess who – yes, the Housing Minister. But don’t worry – the government will probably respond by creating a task force, commissioning a report, and introducing even more regulation to fix the problem they just created. It’s the bureaucratic circle of life – they create a problem and fix it by employing a herd of civil servants who inadvertently make the problem worse.

Meanwhile, savvy investors are already shifting to more liquid, less regulated sectors. Because when faced with the choice between property and, for example, buying shares in a company that makes inflatable flamingos, the flamingos are starting to look pretty attractive. So here we are, watching Jersey’s rental market slowly morph into a cautionary tale for other jurisdictions to learn from. A place where ideology trumps economics, and where the only thing more endangered than the private sector landlord is common sense. But, at least the paperwork will be immaculate.

Ben Shenton is a senior investment director. He is a former politician, Senator, who held positions such as minister, chair of Public Accounts Committee, and chair of Scrutiny. He also assists a number of local charities on an honorary basis.