Dear Eric: First, let me admit I am not very social. I genuinely do not like to stand around chit-chatting, especially when I’m in the process of working on something.
I moved into a new neighborhood two years ago. I have spent that time working on re-doing the landscaping, both front and back yards – new flower beds, took out the lawns, put in raised beds, et cetera.
My problem is people walking by who try to talk to me about what I’m doing and why. I’m not trying to be rude; these people are, for the most part, complimentary in their comments. But the thing is, I’m trying to work on my property in peace.
How can I nip these interactions in the bud?
Seriously, I know I’m anti-social. I do love my gardening, though, and when I’m out doing that, well, that’s what I want to do. Not talk to a neighbor about why I chose red peonies over pink. Help?
– Might Be a Jerk?
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Dear Might Be: There’s nothing wrong with protecting your peace. Even though, as you acknowledge, there’s also nothing wrong with friendly, casual conversation with a neighbor, if it doesn’t bring you joy – or actively sours your mood – it’s fine to opt out.
Because making conversation about people’s gardens is often welcomed and encouraged, you may not have much success getting your neighbors to stop, short of posting a sign – “Please Do Not Disturb,” perhaps? However, a more frictionless option might be wearing earphones or earbuds while you work. You don’t even have to necessarily be listening to anything.
Just as a person working in a garden is often seen as someone open to being asked questions, a person listening to something on their headphones is often interpreted as someone who doesn’t want to be disturbed. It’s also easier for you to wave and return to work without seeming rude if you’re clearly otherwise engaged.
Even without props, however, I think it’s perfectly fine to let your neighbors know you appreciate their compliments, but you’re preoccupied by the task at hand. Try telling people, “not trying to be rude; just really focused at the moment. Have a great day!”