Copyright M Live Michigan
Dear Eric: My younger brother, who is 70, has always been known to embellish stories and has a bigger-than-life heart. More recently his stories are pure fantasy tales. His house has become borderline hoarder for several years. His stories contradict what he tells me – “I’m clearing out clutter “ only to hear he’s going to hire some company to clean the clutter. He has a difficult time staying focused on the task at hand. He’s had a “business plan” for his “business” that, while feasible, hasn’t brought him any income for 10 years. As the older brother, any comments I’ve made are faced with extreme defensive statements, so I refrain and continue to listen to story after story with no focus – buying/not buying new car, seeking house/not selling house to move to West Coast, next vacation trip, how much he wants to visit us, et cetera, et cetera. When do I wave the white flag? – White Flag for White Lies Dear White Flag: Is your brother looking for advice or looking for an audience? As the older brother, you may have fallen into a pattern of giving his plans critique and approval. That may not be what he’s seeking right now, hence the defensiveness. And hence your fatigue. If you’ve spent decades telling him the right way to do things and he has spent decades doing things his own way, it’s no wonder you feel you’re at an impasse. One way to wave the white flag while still maintaining your relationship is by practicing distance from his stories. When he’s telling you something, try to remember that this is his journey and it doesn’t affect you. You might even want to visualize yourself letting it fall from your hands. And what do you say in response? “Oh, OK.” Simple, noncommittal. You also don’t have to subject yourself to every flight of fancy. You may not be the right audience for him and you’re not under an obligation to be. Letting go can also look like you saying, “I’m glad you’ve got a plan but I’m not in a place to chat about it right now. Can we talk about something else?” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com. ©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
