By Agnes Isoje
Copyright pulse
“Will you marry me?”
That one moment where time seems to pause, yet everything has to be flawless. It’s the moment that validates all the years of your relationship, and for many women, it ranks just below their wedding day in importance, and it must be perfect!
The checklist of the proposal day may be short, but each item carries weight:
Nails, outfit, and makeup on pointA picture-perfect, Instagrammable locationRose petals, balloons, and the right ambiencePhotographers or content creators ready to capture it all.
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And then comes the climax: he kneels. Because after all that effort, who imagines a proposal without that iconic moment on one knee? That is the exact photo you post, followed by the all-important close-up of the ring. For many, kneeling feels romantic; however…
Is Kneeling To Propose Our Culture?
Kneeling to propose clashes with Nigerian tradition and even with religious values. Chief Dr Pete Edochie, one we can unarguably call a custodian of culture, said men shouldn’t kneel to propose.
If you genuflect before anybody, you are acknowledging their superiority.
He says kneeling is a Western culture and that is symbolic because if you kneel before a woman to propose, you are acknowledging her superiority. This is his summary: You do not bow to a woman who ends up taking your name. The act of taking your name after the wedding already signifies that she accepts you (the man) as the head of the family.
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Back in the day, proposals were far simpler. Couples got engaged with nothing more than a simple question followed by a straightforward answer. In some cases, especially with arranged marriages, even that step was skipped, and families went straight to formal introductions.
Proposals were less about romance and more about making an announcement. Fast forward to today, and things look very different. The booming wedding industry and the influence of social media in Nigeria have transformed proposals into grand productions designed to be extravagant, unforgettable, and, of course, Instagram-worthy.
The Origin of Kneeling to Propose
The act of dropping to one knee is not African in origin. It traces back to medieval Europe, where knights and vassals knelt before kings, lords, and noblewomen as a sign of loyalty, obedience, or reverence.
Chroniclers as early as the 1300s described this posture during oaths of fealty. Knights also knelt before ladies as part of courtly love traditions, showing service, honour, and admiration. From there, the gesture drifted into romance.
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By the 19th and 20th centuries, as marriages shifted from family negotiations to love-based unions, kneeling became a symbolic way to frame a marriage proposal. The modern one-knee pose is also practical as it leaves the right hand free to present the ring box, and, in the age of Instagram, it simply looks good in photographs.
Is Kneeling To Propose Haram or Biblical?
In Islam, kneeling to a woman specifically is discouraged, since Allah made men guardians over women (Qur’an 2:228). For devout Muslims, standing to propose or following cultural engagement rites is seen as more appropriate than copying a Westernised posture.
In Christianity, kneeling is symbolic because worshippers kneel in prayer as an act of humility before God. To kneel before a person, therefore, can be seen as an extension of reverence, not idolatry, but an expression of honour.
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Some pastors frown at it, arguing that a man should not bow before his wife-to-be, but others see no harm in adopting it as a modern romantic gesture so long as it does not replace or undermine biblical marriage customs.
To Kneel Or Not To Kneel?
If we remove the cultural and religious angles and just want to focus on love and romance, kneeling communicates humility, respect, and submission. When a man kneels to propose, he is essentially lowering himself physically to elevate his partner emotionally.
He is saying: “I honour you, I am ready to serve and cherish you.” For many women, it is the height of romance. She may already know she’ll take his name and accept him as head of the home, but a little romance before all that doesn’t hurt.
To kneel or not to kneel is ultimately a personal choice. If it feels emasculating, have that conversation with your partner and settle it early. But if you see nothing wrong with kneeling, go ahead, abeg. Romance is sweet, and that photo will be pure fire.
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