Copyright newsday
THEY SAY once a man, twice a child. But it is not so. For one, changing a diaper on a 200-pound, 80-year-old man ent the same as changing a diaper on a 20-pound baby. One of them you can flip like a pancake in the palm of your hand. The other one, sometimes you feel like you need a crane – it takes at least two people to turn the old man. Believe me when I tell you: if somebody could design something like a crane for over the old man bed to hoist him up midair so I can get under him, my life will be blessed. While we on the subject of diapers, you ever compare the price of adult diapers and baby diapers? The first time I went to buy adult diapers my jaw drop. After I hem and haw like a clueless fool for about half hour, I end up buying one pack of diapers – they only come in packs of 15 – and it barely last one week. Well, I get so desperate by the end of the week that I start to experiment with the old man diet to see if I could decrease the number of diaper changes per day. I even give him some Lomotil as an economical strategy. I must warn you, though, never do that. This bowel movement thing is tricky business. You don’t want to make the old man constipated because that is a next headache. That is trouble. One time the old man get confused with fever, and I really thought that was the end. When I carry him in the hospital they say it was sepsis and that the underlying problem was constipation, and how being mostly in bed had put him at high risk for constipation. The doctor explain how constipation block the bladder, and the urine that back up caused a urinary tract infection, and then the infection spread to the blood, causing sepsis. To say I was in disbelief – that constipation could wreak so much havoc – is an understatement. But I getting sidetracked. When I get a chance to talk about these things is like a dam open up. Oh yes, that is the next thing that different from raising children. When you raising children, everybody quick to ask you questions and mind your business. Raising a child is a social experiment that everybody happy – sometimes too happy – to be part of. Everybody want to know if the child walking, talking, who they resemble. When you taking care of an old man, nobody ent want to hear you and your complaints. You by yourself. You wish somebody would mind your business. That is why when I open up about my troubles is like water gushing in all different directions. Anyway, back to the subject of diapers. The diaper talk making you cringe, ent? Well that is another thing. Yes, people is joke and laugh how they don’t know if they could change baby diapers and twist up their face all-how, but that is just melodrama. Has it ever crossed your mind that one day you will have to change your mother or father diapers? That ever cross your mind? You ever give that some thought? Or your plan is to ship them off like cargo to a nursing home because professors don’t change big people diapers? That is one thing that had never cross my mind. I block it out of my mind so complete that it had take me a long time before I even realise it was diapers that the old man need. Is a funny thing how you could just block out certain things from your mind – you do so to your own detriment. Listen, I don’t like to complain. But a situation happen last night that cause me to go off like this. Shortly after midnight, I hear a loud bang, 200 pounds landing on the floor. I went and the old man was on the floor. He say he don’t know what happen. No matter how he twist and turn, he could not get up. And as I said before, I ent have a crane. I call my partner, Max, from down the road to help. Together we put him back on the bed. Out on the road, I start to tell Max about the stress I seeing. He ups and tell me, “Once a man, twice a child,” like he quoting holy scripture. I wanted to cuss him right there and then. Taureef Mohammed is a physician from TT working in Canada E-mail: taureef_im@hotmail.com
