By Joe Bromley

Copyright standard

The first thing I do in the morning is drink Skinade, which I’ve been religiously drinking for five years. It’s the best collagen drink ever. I hate all the others, and it’s the only one I actually see a difference with. Then I make a cauldron of milk, which I literally feed off the whole day, and mix it with my favourite coffee. I also drink moon water. I’ve been working with a white witch named Carrie Douglas for five years and do different rituals. Now, whenever we have a portal — a new moon or a full moon — I put crystals and water out, and then drink up my affirmations the next day.

Next, I do a trilogy of LED. I use the CurrentBody LED helmet — they also have a breast plate for the décolletage and the face mask. Full Daft Punk. Each session is 10 minutes, but you really need 20 minutes for it to make a difference. I use them all at once, so it’s a 20-minute affair.

Then I hop into the bath for 45 minutes to an hour. I need that. The bath becomes my office, where I take most of my calls and do most of my Instagram work. I feel like you’ve got a more ethereal voice when you’re in the bath, and weirdly I just get things done in there. Maybe it’s the frequency of the water. I put a ton of Himalayan sea salt or Dead Sea salt and oils in there, too, because I suffer from eczema.

I then go to one of the various gyms on Kensington High Street. I either do EMS (electro muscle stimulation), barre, yoga or very heavy weights and slow movements with a personal trainer. After that, I dash over to the Body Lab and lie in a hyperbaric chamber. It makes recovery much quicker, and apparently it’s rejuvenating. At this point, I would probably eat a baby, so, yeah, anything rejuvenating — I’m here for it. I’ve also been Michael Jackson’s biggest fan since I was a child, and he slept in a hyperbaric chamber.

I go to the DMC clinic on Beauchamp Place and there is always something to do. I get baby Botox and NAD. NADs are cell-renewal infusions — everyone does it. Kendall Jenner, Bieber — Hailey, not Justin, he clearly needs a little bit more.

The older you get, the quicker the Botox wears off. I get other things there too — Botox, laser hair removal, exosomes, polynucleotides, Profhilo. There’s always something to do. It’s a constant construction site that you need to maintain, otherwise you fall apart like in Death Becomes Her.

Then we’re finally at lunch, which I usually have at the Roof Gardens in Kensington because it’s the only place left that’s cool in London now. I love the spaghetti alle vongole.

At the moment, I’m getting my flat ready for the new season. I’m big on Halloween, and that requires the help of the white witch again. Working with her is my kind of therapy because normal therapy has never worked for me — I even once tried couples counselling, which was the nail in the coffin for that relationship.

My mom had about 1,000 [witches] and introduced me to that world. There are a lot of charlatans in this field, and like with regular medicine, there are good people and bad people. She comes to your place and starts saging the whole house. She also speaks to dead people. To be honest, I don’t care if it’s placebo or not — it works for me.

Everyone could do with more magic in their lives, and I think there are worse things than getting in touch with spirits, your ancestors and nature. I’d rather do that than talk to a stranger on the couch — or even worse, online — and tell them everything.

I escape the bridge-and-tunnel for the weekend, head to Estelle Manor [the Oxfordshire hotel] and wind down with a jammy red, ideally a Tignanello, and a period drama. The vampire season is here.

As for my lifestyle philosophy: mornings like Princess Margaret, lunch like Marie Antoinette and evenings like Count Dracula. I was born in the wrong era, but I don’t care.

As told to Joe Bromley