By Jane O’gorman
Copyright dailystar
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down. If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published. Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice: ‘Cocky lover’s wife looks like a supermodel – so why is he having grubby sex with me?’ ‘I can’t keep my hands off best mate’s hubby – I’m scared I’ll bonk him on group holiday’ ‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’ My scumbag partner rents a secret flat – somewhere he takes other women for sex. And I’m paying for it! I’m shocked beyond belief. I’ve always known that his job requires nights away, but I didn’t realise that he also travels two miles around the corner to sleep with women from his work, his past and the Internet. I feel a complete mug. I only found out the truth when a friend took me aside and told me there was something I needed to know. Her sister lives in the same block as his flat and had complained to the landlord about the noisy sex and boozy sessions. One night the music was so loud that she thumped on the door and my bloke answered. He was aggressive and half naked. TWO topless women were dancing in the background. She recognised him straight away from a wedding we all attended in 2022 and gave him a piece of her mind. I’ve since confronted him, but he’s not apologised or promised to give it up. In fact, he’s not given me any kind of answer or explanation regarding our future. I’ve always left all the financial stuff up to. him. He deals with savings, insurance policies, bills etc. I don’t even see statements or emails. All our money goes into the same joint account, and he gives me cash each month for my personal spends. So, in short, he’s been using my earnings – money I thought we were saving for the future – to pay for his flings. Where do I go from here when he’s capable of such selfishness, subterfuge and reckless behaviour? JANE SAYS: Suddenly you find yourself looking at a man you don’t know at all. Not only has he used your money for his personal pleasure, but he’s exposed you to the risk of sexual infection and humiliation. He’s lied and kept secrets from you. Finding a second property, furnishing it and keeping on top of bills and maintenance takes time and effort. All those days and nights you thought he was working away he was building his grubby love nest behind your back. He was cynically and deliberately misleading and blindsiding you. Has he estimated how much of your hard-earned cash has already been squandered? How is he planning to pay you back? It’s very worrying that he clearly thinks he can brazen this situation out and keep his grubby double life ticking along. Perhaps he’s hoping that you’ll roll over and pipe down and he can carry on as usual. He’s clearly loving the thrill and attention of his other women – he’s getting off on the buzz of sneaking around and holding secret sex sessions and wild parties – but where does all this leave you? With egg on your face, that’s where… You cannot allow this man to overwhelm, fleece and insult you. Where is the loyalty or the respect? Tell him today that this is serious. You want your money, and you’ll take legal advice to get it if necessary. Don’t have sex with him again and make plans to move on. Turn to trusted family members for help. My lover is still married to the mother of his three, young children. He says that they’ve ‘never got round’ to divorcing because they run a company together. Apparently, it’s better for staff morale and PR purposes if they stick with their current management structure. What really upsets me is that I only discovered this inconvenient truth by chance. An old colleague spotted us together and texted me. Now my lover is saying that he simply ‘forgot’ to mention that he’s still wed, that he and his wife are purely parents and business partners. Should I be concerned? JANE SAYS: Hearing the truth about your boyfriend’s relationship status has clearly unnerved you. Is there anything else he would like to tell you about his life? It’s worrying that you had to hear everything from a third party. Should you take a break from this union to process what you’ve discovered and decide where you go next? Of course, he should be in contact with his wife for the sake of his young children and, as they run a business together, continuity of trade and the welfare of staff is paramount. But I’m finding it difficult to work out where you fit into this mix as a love interest and an individual. If your old colleague hadn’t spotted you, then would you still be in the dark today? For the past ten years we’ve spent Christmas at my friend’s seaside villa. I’ve just discovered that she’s inviting new friends this year – and we’re out on our ears. We’re being replaced by richer, more influential people. How dare she be so insensitive and shallow when we have a tradition and my guy and I have done nothing wrong? JANE SAYS: It’s up to your friend who she invites over. Perhaps she feels that you’ve all become stuck in a rut? Could it be that you’ve taken advantage of her generosity and hospitality? If this is about money or division of labour, then do you need to hear a few home truths? Obviously, you don’t want to fall out, but need to accept that not everything stays the same forever.
