By Vladimir McTavish
Copyright scotsman
On reflection, that should be two-and-a-half cheers as they should never have cancelled him in the first place. Second, it’s great to see Sarah Ferguson back in the news. She makes writing this stuff so much easier, the gift that keeps on giving. Satirists like Kimmel are essential in these insane times. And while Prince Andrew’s former wife contributes zero to society, seeing Her Royal Gormlessnes on TV will have lifted the spirits of millions. We can briefly ignore the pure evil of men like Putin, Trump and Netanyahu. Instead we can still laugh at a posh buffoon who is no danger to anybody but herself. Fergie has always had the look of a character straight out of pantomime. She’s like some hybrid of ugly sister, wicked stepmother, Cinderella and Widow Twankee. Her life has been like the most implausible soap opera storyline. In the latest episode, the Duchess of York has been dropped by a number of children’s and women’s charities, due to a recently-leaked e-mail in which she describes Jeffrey Epstein as “a steadfast, generous and supreme friend”. Hang on. Why did these charities have her on board in the first place? She’s spent her entire life closely attached to very dodgy people. She was actually married to Prince Andrew, for pity’s sake. Her father Major Ron Ferguson was an utter cad, never out of the tabloids back in the nineties, either for grubby business dealing or sexual impropriety. Prior to the e-mail, Epstein had bailed out Fergie financially at a time when she had debts of around £5 million. Obviously, she had to distance herself from him because she is the published author of children’s literature. OK, “author” and “literature” might be stretching it a bit, but her name is on the cover of a series of kids’ books. Not that many people believe she actually wrote any of them herself. I can’t see her having enough attention span or intelligence to sit at a keyboard for hours on end. I’m willing to bet that an infinite number of monkeys, if sat behind typewriters, could have bashed out “Budgie The Helicopter” in around half an hour. Hence her 2011 statement in which she stated “I abhor paedophilia and any sexual abuse of children”. That’s the kind of press release you really should not have to make. It’s not like anyone ever publicly supported paedophilia. Yet the mystery remains. What benefit did Fergie bring to these charities? Was having her name attached going to give them any cachet? I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t give them cash. She herself has been a walking charity case for decades, hence accepting Epstein’s grubby money in the first place. So welcome back, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Ferguson. America and the world needs Jimmy’s wit and humour. If we’re set for oblivion, let’s laugh in its face. As for Sarah, she does take our minds off the depressing real news. Astonishing to think she was once nearly top of the line of succession to be Queen. Now that would have made one hell of a soap opera.
