DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a small, family-run restaurant. The owner is from Ukraine. She is fluent in English, but speaks with a notable accent.
I am from the area the restaurant is located in, and I have lived here all of my life. Over the course of a month, I have had about five different patrons ask if I am related to my boss or if I am also from Ukraine “because of my accent.”
I do not have one. I know that accents are often hard for the speaker to notice, but I feel like I would be aware if I had developed a Ukrainian accent thick enough to sound like it is my first language.
What exactly should I say when people ask? I’d like to stay silent or move on to the next part of the conversation, but often that’s not a viable thing to do in these exchanges.
GENTLE READER: Restaurant patrons should not be asking such questions, but Miss Manners understands that they do — and that appearing to be offended or unfriendly can have adverse consequences for both the business and your employment.
The polite response is to say, in a bright, friendly way, “No, I’m from here” — before moving on to restaurant business. This will not lessen your own annoyance at being asked, but if it ever-so-slightly embarrasses the patron, perhaps you will have saved the next employee from such unwanted attention.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)