DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am on a team in an adult sports league. At the end of the season, the team decided to have a party. One of the members volunteered to host it, but then decided to invite other people who aren’t associated with the team.
The get-together is no longer a “team” party. Is it proper etiquette for someone who volunteered to host a party for a select group to invite her own additional guests?
GENTLE READER: No, but before she ruins the party, Miss Manners would like to check that we all know the score.
The team party was never going to be strictly members of the team, any more than non-players were barred from attendance at games. Even at practice, there might have been a coach, a groundskeeper and the guy with the keys to the clubhouse in attendance.
By similar logic, it is not fair to expect the hostess to lock the door to family members, spouses or the high school friend who is staying with her for the weekend.
The issue is whether the focus remains, as promised, on celebrating the team’s victories (or consoling their defeats). But she will agree with you that having everyone arrive to learn they are outnumbered is poor sportsmanship.
Stories by Judith Martin
Miss Manners: I got ‘very angry’ when I found out about re-gifted item I wanted returned. Should I apologize?
Miss Manners: Must bride include fiance’s cousin, but not his sister in her bridal party?
Miss Manners: It seems cruel to expect the bereaved to acknowledge sympathy cards, letters
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a friend to lunch. She looked at her watch at least 20 times during the meal. This made me nervous, like we were supposed to hurry up.
I finally realized her watch was displaying her incoming text messages. What should I say next time?
GENTLE READER: “Is everything OK?”