MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am on a team in an adult sports league. At the end of the season, the team decided to have a party. One of the members volunteered to host it, but then decided to invite other people who aren’t associated with the team.
The get-together is no longer a “team” party. Is it proper etiquette for someone who volunteered to host a party for a select group to invite her own additional guests?
GENTLE READER: No, but before she ruins the party, Miss Manners would like to check that we all know the score.
The team party was never going to be strictly members of the team, any more than non-players were barred from attendance at games. Even at practice, there might have been a coach, a groundskeeper and the guy with the keys to the clubhouse in attendance.
By similar logic, it is not fair to expect the hostess to lock the door to family members, spouses or the high school friend who is staying with her for the weekend.
The issue is whether the focus remains, as promised, on celebrating the team’s victories (or consoling their defeats). But she will agree with you that having everyone arrive to learn they are outnumbered is poor sportsmanship.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.