By Ryan Thom

Copyright dailyrecord

I’m quite bad at keeping up with old friends and I think the chickens are finally coming home to roost. I’m the kind of person who focuses on what’s in front of me, so I put effort into friends at my work or other mums at nursery and school – the people I see day-to-day. However I have a couple of groups of old friends from my school and university days who I love but don’t contact much. Over the past few months, it’s come to my attention that these friends still see each other quite a bit and have WhatsApp groups I’m not a part of – and I’m feeling quite left out. I bumped into a friend from uni recently and it came out that she and a bunch of others are all going to Paris together. I think she was a bit embarrassed to tell me and I couldn’t help feeling upset not to be included. I know I’ve been rubbish, but I’m still one of the gang and would love to have been invited. I feel excluded and it’s bugging me. Should I say something and even swallow my pride and ask to join them? You could own it and say something like, “I know I’ve been a rubbish friend and I should put more effort in, but I love you all and I’m devastated not to be included. However I understand why you didn’t invite me”.They might say, “Oh, just come with us” or they might not, in which case that’s life I’m afraid and you just have to learn from it. You need to invest in friendships and even if you can’t see each other much because your lives are busy or you live some distance apart, you can still check in and talk on the phone. You can still be a part of each other’s lives. Your friends are probably thinking, “She never phones us. She never invites us anywhere. She’s not interested”. They probably assumed you wouldn’t be bothered about going away for the weekend with them because that’s the message they’ve been getting – that you’re not bothered. And are you really bothered that much? If you go on that trip to reconnect and become a better friend, that’s great, but you can’t pick and choose when you dip in and out. You can’t just be there for the highlights like trips to Paris. A true friend is there for the whole journey – the highs and the lows, and everything in between.