By Shovel Intern

Copyright theshovel

Free speech warrior Donald Trump has commended the ABC for silencing comedian Jimmy Kimmel, and has encouraged the network to also fire their reporter John Lyons, who had the audacity to ask him questions the other day.

Word spread overnight that Jimmy Kimmel Live had been indefinitely cancelled by its network, ABC, due to thought crimes against the flawless memory of patron saint Charlie Kirk. At this news, the side of politics that spent the last decade “fighting cancel culture” decided that it’s actually pretty great when the shoe is on the other foot.

“According to me, Charlie Kirk’s legacy was to open the town square for debate and to engage with people who held alternative opinions to your own. So I sure am glad we’re silencing comedians in his name,” said someone who googled Kirk for the first time last week.

Meanwhile, the US President had his sights aimed (no pun intended) at the network that had let this type of behaviour go unchecked for so long, and noticed it was the same one that just yesterday he had to berate a journalist from — the wretched ABC.

“For decades the ABC wasted the tax dollars of hardworking Americans to spread woke propaganda and question my leadership,” wrote the President in a Truth Social post that would give Andrew Bolt an orgasm.

“They must immediately fire John Lyons if they want any chance of staying relevant. In order to get this to happen, I have reached out to the ABC’s head lawyer, Cleaver Greene.”

Trump later said that if it weren’t for the fact that the national broadcaster aired the Vice President’s favourite show, Bluey, then he would have cut the ABC’s budget entirely.

Upon being informed that the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and American Broadcasting Company were two separate companies in two different countries, Trump asked: “And which one is mine?”

In response to the cancellation of Kimmel and Colbert earlier this year, scientists have reclassified the status of US late-night hosts from “endangered” to “hunted by predators to the verge of extinction”.