It turns out that, no, I am not too cool for a ride on a duck boat.
They’re a corny stereotype of the city. But it’s a delightful tour as long as you’re willing to buy into the goofy nature of the trip.
It also helps if you’re willing to battle traffic. Boston Duck Tours are famous for going from road to river. But there’s nothing they can do about being stuck in a traffic jam on Tuesday at 1 p.m. – even if you just paid $55 for the privilege.
Tourist trap or bad rap: Boston Duck Tours
The last time I was on a duck boat, I was on a third-grade field trip with Mrs. Papineau’s class. The only thing I remember is driving by the old John Hancock Building and seeing everyone’s reflection.
Since then, I’ve had a general awareness of duck boats. I’d see them scooting around the city for tours and strolling the streets during championship parades.
Come on, does anyone who lives in Massachusetts actually go on a Duck Tour? Should they? It fell upon me to find out.
So, on a pleasant summer afternoon, I hopped aboard a Duck at the Prudential Center to see if it was a touristy snooze fest or something that’s unfairly criticized.
I realized that it might be the latter the moment our tour guide hopped aboard wearing a robe covered in college logos.
What’s it like on a duck boat?
Our trip aboard the Prudence Center was shepherded by the whimsical musings of our tour guide, who went by a fictional name.
His real identity is Mike O’Brien, a local comedian who’s made headlines for frequently appearing on TV news segments.
However, it turns out that all Boston Duck Tours are led by “ConDUCKtors,” guides who are in character the whole time.
There’s Kat Burglar, who is dressed like the Hamburglar. We’ve also got Chef Wolfgang Duck, Unlucky the Leprechaun, Bjorn the Bezerker, Prescott the Polite Patriot, Bill Drakespeare and Dr. Arthur Scopic, M.D.
In my case, we were led by “Almost Educated Aaron,” a chronic college dropout who has attended 359 colleges and owes $11,488,000 in student loans. I would follow this man anywhere.
That’s because the reality of the Duck Tour began to truly dawn on me. I was asking the wrong question.
It’s not, “Is the Duck Tour too lame for people?” It’s, “Are people too lame for the Duck Tour?”
The 80-minute excursion through the streets of Boston is a delightful combination of corny, educational and legitimately humorous. But to get the most out of it, there has to be a little buy-in.
You should be prepared to act like a dork and quack while on the boat. You should also be ready for a little call-and-response.
Poor “Almost Educated Aaron” tried valiantly to get a response from the crowd on his duck boat. He’d call out something like, “The Boston Public Library is soooooo big …”
Normally, you’d respond, “How big is it?”
Instead, it was crickets — save for that one weird guy in the back, taking photos and taking notes like he was writing a story.
Almost Educated Aaron was fighting for his life while working with the coldest, limpest crowd I’ve ever seen. Through it all, he kept cracking out corny-yet-funny quips about the city while rattling off stuff about the city.
Heck, I didn’t know about Frederic Tudor, “The Ice King.” I also learned a lot about the efforts to fill in Boston Harbor to expand the city’s land area.
The tour even made a note to highlight the troubled history of the city. As we rode through the old West End, Aaron called out the city’s “urban renewal” that displaced minority communities and left them homeless.
One major downside of the tour is that, at the end of the day, you’re still at the mercy of Boston traffic. As our tour went by the State House, the roads were so gridlocked that even Almost Educated Aaron was baffled.
Still, our honorable guide ad-libbed, taking a moment to thank a police officer for handing out parking tickets to cars sitting in a bike lane.
Just raise your hand and drive the Duck
The most famous part of a Duck Tour is, of course, the fact that it can go from driving on roads to hitting the water.
About halfway through the tour, our boat turned off the normal streets and rolled down a ramp into the Charles River basin.
There was some splashing involved. But no one inside the boat got wet. It’s a fun transition. But after a moment, it just felt normal.
As we set sail on our amphibious vessel, passengers were given the option to sit in the driver’s seat and drive the duck boat.
My hand immediately shot up. I mean, why not? It seemed like a fun experience.
I was the only passenger who openly volunteered.
Almost Educated Aaron informed me that we should probably give any kids on the boat a shot at the wheel.
Publicly shamed, but undaunted, I waited patiently as two children who were visiting from Germany were invited up front.
Finally, it was time for adults to have a shot. I was the only one who showed even the slightest interest in sitting at the wheel and having my picture taken.
I’m sorry that I was the only one on the boat who knew how to have fun.
So, is it a tourist trap, or does it have a bad rap?
My verdict: The duck boats have a bad rap, provided you’re willing to let loose a little.
For those who have deep Boston roots, the tour may be a little corny. A lot of the tour focuses on the History 101 of Boston and is constantly going from subject to subject.
But if you’re new to the area or just want a fun refresh on Boston trivia, it’s a fun way to spend a day in the city.
What to know about the duck boats
The duck boats are run by Boston Duck Tours, which run regular tours from three locations throughout the city.
Tours run about 80 minutes and spend about 20 minutes on the water.
Keep in mind that tours run rain or shine and are open-air. So be prepared to dress appropriately for the weather.
More info about Boston Duck Tours
Check them out – Website | Facebook | Tickets
Where can I buy tickets? – Tickets are available on the Boston Duck Tours website. Tickets can also be purchased from booths at departure locations.
How long do tours last? – Tours typically last around one hour, 20 minutes. About 20 minutes of the tour are spent on the water.
How much does it cost? – Tickets are $54.99 for adults. Tickets for seniors and active military are $45.99. Tickets for children aged 3-11 are $39.99. Tickets for infants under three years old are $10.99.
Where do tours start/end? – Boston Duck Tours depart from three locations throughout the city. Each tour returns to the same point from which it started.
Prudential Center: 53 Huntington Ave., Boston
Museum of Science: 1 Science Park, Boston
New England Aquarium: Central Wharf, Boston
When do tours run? – Tours run seven days a week, starting at 9 a.m. until an hour before sunset. Tours are seasonal and typically run from March into November.