DEAR ABBY: I met “Donny” 18 months ago. For a while, we were both happy. Then suddenly, every Friday, Donny would make some excuse, smoke a cigarette and go to the bar across the street. Afterward, he would show up here drunk, and we would argue. When Donny was sober, he was a great guy, but every weekend he disappeared. Although I tried every day to help him, the drinking evolved into drugs.
A few months ago, he came over to visit. He started acting “off” and went into my bathroom. A short time later, I found him kneeling on the floor. It looked like he had taken something. The next morning when I went to wake him up, Donny had died! I called 911 and tried CPR. There was nothing they could do. He had overdosed. I’m now living with guilt. If only I had tried to wake him earlier, maybe he could have been saved. I’m taking medication, but I am stuck. I stay home most of the time. I want to move forward but can’t seem to do it. Any advice? — STUCK IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR STUCK: You have nothing to feel guilty about. Donny didn’t die because of anything you did or didn’t do. His dealer gave him a drug that was more powerful than he could tolerate, and he took it. In fact, if you hadn’t invited him in, he probably would have died on the street somewhere. Because you cannot move past the guilt you have inflicted upon yourself, and the medication you are taking isn’t doing the job, start talking with a mental health professional who can help you through this. You have my sympathy for the loss of someone you loved.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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