By Sophie Vokes-Dudgeon

Copyright hellomagazine

There’s nothing quite like an impending 50th birthday to make you assess your priorities, and as my big birthday approached I found myself weighing up my options for a summer to remember. I felt pulled in many directions: a huge party, or a destination celebration? A trip with friends, or a big blow-out holiday of a lifetime? Maybe I just wanted to stay at home and forget all about it. Could I even get both my teenage sons together for what could be a last family holiday for some time? (My eldest has just flown the nest for uni, and things, however much I like to pretend they aren’t, are definitely changing.)

But then I started thinking even bigger. Last year, we lost Mum. Spending time with Dad is now a very high priority, and both my brothers have had children for the first time in the past couple of years. Life is busy and we don’t spend enough time together. What about a big, multi-generational celebration? Somewhere my grown children could spend proper time with their baby cousins. Where I could enjoy time with my dad and also relish an auntie’s delight in cuddles with little ones, followed by the relief of handing them back when the hard work had to be done. Was it madness? Would we kill each other? (Love them as I do, family dynamics can sometimes be challenging!) And would they even want to holiday with me?

We’re a close family, but we don’t spend that much intensive time all together. There are 11 of us now, so while we manage lunches and Christmas, much more than that is a logistical challenge. I decided the clincher might be the property and the location. In the ’80s and ’90s our family holidays had been to Cornwall, so that felt like a good start. And keen to keep travel times down for those coming from London, I opted for Bodmin, just across the border from Devon. Then came the hunt for a house.

As soon as I found Moss Farmhouse I knew it was my best bet. I sent a link on the family WhatsApp. The reaction was unexpectedly positive. It seemed to tick boxes for everyone: baby-friendly for one brother, aesthetically elevated for another (new to fatherhood and fond of nice things). The location got a huge thumbs up from Dad, and my teenagers actually responded to a WhatsApp from me – I think it was the outside bar and hot tub that did it.

I’m not going to pretend that it was a breeze. Navigating a holiday across different generations, expectations and taste buds has its moments. But I can honestly say it was far less stressful than I’d anticipated and, a week after our return to reality, we’re all very eager to do it again.

Some of this success was down to luck, some to planning (I’m a pretty good researcher if I say so myself) and some to managing expectations. Below, I share my top tips for a successful multi-generational holiday. If you’re thinking about doing one yourself, I really advise you to go for it. Not only did we have a wonderful break and explore some stunning locations, but we also spent really meaningful time together, which is worth more than anything else. Or perhaps I’m just getting sentimental in my old age!

1) Choose the right location

I cannot emphasise enough how important the right house is, especially with such a wide range of ages. The location we settled on was Moss Farmhouse on the wilds of Bodmin Moor, and as soon as I arrived and nosed through the visitor book it was clear I’d chosen well for a special birthday and the bringing together of many generations – there were pages and pages of happy ‘big birthday’ entries to read.

The first thing that attracted me to this house was the party barn. You can’t turn 50 without a bit of a knees-up, and the huge outside barn has been beautifully renovated into an al fresco bar, complete with a fusball table and dartboard, with the added benefiti of an adjoining movie room that seats at least 10.

But while the barn was fantastic (and the scene of my surprise ’70s-themed birthday bash), it was the layout of the house that made it such a chilled and pain-free communal living experience.

Moss Farmhouse has both front and back gardens. The front houses the party barn; the rear, which is lawned with stunningly landscaped borders, features the luxurious addition of a hot tub. There are dining tables in both gardens, and two more inside the house, meaning dining can take place outside, in the kitchen, or in the sitting room, allowing complete control of noise.

Four of the five bedrooms are upstairs, above the snug and cosy living and dining area – this became the kid zone. Used during the day and full of toys, but kept quiet when little ones were sleeping to ensure they stayed that way. At the other end of the house, off the kitchen, the partying could go on late without disturbing anyone. And when little ones (and weary parents) were up bright and early, my bedroom, off the dining room at the front, was blissfully quiet. I love babies, but I’ve been there and done that. Having so many different zones meant we all had our space, peace and quiet, and could live to our own schedules if that’s what we wanted.

2) Be picky when it comes to bathrooms

After this holiday I have come to the conclusion that a bathroom per family member (or couple) makes a multi-gen house share a breeze. It means dividing rooms is easy, nobody feels short-changed, and little ones needing baths can be prioritised.

I’ve holidayed with friends where one very clear master room left everyone else with poor seconds. But when everyone has a big bed, an ensuite bathroom and a TV, it’s so much better.

Moss Farmhouse actually has more bathrooms than you need as in addition to en suites with every bedroom, there’s also a huge and very luxurious washroom complete with an enormous walk-in shower – perfect for sandy hosedowns or, if you’ve got a four-legged friend, post-moorland washes. There’s also a separate downstairs loo.

3. Make sure your holiday home is an upgrade

On the subject of luxury, another real game-changer is staying somewhere that feels like a step up from home. Obviously this comes with a price tag but for a special celebration the interior design and luxury finish made us all feel like we were living a VIP existence for a week.

The kitchen, for example, had everything you could possibly need – even if it did take a moment to locate it all in the multiple cabinets and drawers. We took pictures of pans we want to buy when we returned home, made morning coffee from a barista machine, served G&Ts with ice from the automatic dispenser and managed to squeeze a vast Sainsbury’s delivery into the American-style fridge freezer.

We all went home with design inspiration – whether it was my dad’s admiration for the huge U-shaped sofa, my obsession with the colourful wallpaper or my sister-in-law’s love of the fluffy sheepskin rug her six-month-old adored lying on. The whole experience was a treat that definitely eased the inevitable eye-rolls and short tempers that come with intensive family time.

4) Make sure it’s kid friendly if there are little kids in your family

The house I chose had a play area, cot, stair-gate, highchair and baby weaning kits. That ticked boxes from my online research, but the reality of holidaying with a mobile toddler is far from my current world, and I’d forgotten how important safety is.

The electric gate at the front was a very welcome addition, meaning there was no chance of little legs wandering onto country lanes. The one-level inside-outside layout meant it was easy to toddle from sitting room to enclosed lawn. Bigger kids and adults could play table tennis in the garden or do yoga on the lawn, safe in the knowledge the smallest were safely enclosed.

The bigger kids, 16 and 19, were old enough to entertain themselves, but actually activities for them meant they were part of the action far more than when they’re at home.

”I wish I was staying longer in Cornwall,”my birthday card from my eldest read. ”Especially now I’ve seen the movie room!” Teenager-organised movie nights were an unexpected joy, and an 85-inch TV seems to be all it takes to get two brothers watching Netflix together rather than disappearing to their rooms to zone out on youtube on their phones.

5. Be flexible and let everyone do their own thing

Everyone can do what they like, we vowed. And it worked. My eldest son, back from his first year at university, had a summer schedule that made it look difficult to get us all together for a week. Once I realised it didn’t matter if he was there for the full seven days, everything became simpler. Our house was 20 minutes from Bodmin Parkway station, so he could come and go as he liked.

Babies don’t love car journeys, so a fabulous family pilgrimage back to our old haunts in Helford meant the next day had to be close to home for the littles. That didn’t mean everyone stayed home though. The teen wanted a trip to the local gym. My husband fancied climbing Brown Willy (the highest peak in Cornwall, with some incredible rock formations and photo opportunities), so we did it all. Everyone welcome to join any expedition, but with no pressure to do so.

6. Research the area before you get there

The beaches are glorious in this part of Cornwall. I couldn’t recommend a trip to Trebarwith (check the tides, it’s underwater at high tide) enough. And for those who don’t mind crowds, Padstow and Rock are close by. But there’s also much to do away from the coast, and we’d done our homework so we had plenty of options for excursions and activities.

We discovered the amazing Delphy Pools, literally round the corner, where you can swim in a disused quarry and join a Wild Spa experience a few times a week – with wood-fired sauna and hot tubs. It’s unspoilt and little-known (we had the spa to ourselves), and a fabulous escape from bath and bedtime for weary mums who deserve a break. We could have stayed there all evening, warming up in the sauna, plunging in the pool and lounging on the hammocks.

Exploring by bike is another family-friendly activity and the aptly named Explore By Bike Cycle Hire, on the edge of the trail, has all options covered (push bikes, electric, baby seats, tag-alongs and tandems). The trail leads all the way to Padstow along the disused railway line past coffee shops and creperies. The other direction is even more beautiful and almost a secret – we must have passed three other families the whole way. Padstow is lovely, but very busy in summer, and if I had my time again I’d head straight to Wenford Bridge to have lunch at the Snail’s Pace Café.

7) Plan ahead and divvy out the jobs

This takes some doing but was, for us, the perfect way to ensure catering for 11 people with different needs wasn’t overwhelming. Before we left I created a Google Doc and each ‘family’ had a space for an activity and a dinner. We only filled in a few activities, the ones that required booking and we were sure we wanted to do. A three-hour boat hire on the River Fowey fell into this category, and since I knew my eldest would enjoy it, I booked it for one of the days he was with us.

Dinners were divided between the adults and a giant Sainsbury’s delivery arranged. The faff of authentication codes and bank app checks felt worth it when, an hour into our first afternoon, a van arrived with what felt like the biggest grocery order ever made by man. One word of warning: check the fridge situation before you go as wild as we did. Luckily, the delivery driver was happy to wait while we put things away in case we needed to return anything that didn’t fit – but our worries were not necessary and we squeezed it all in.

It might seem to take the spontaneity out of the holiday, and perhaps if we didn’t have babies we might have felt our mega-order was restrictive, but knowing we had all the food we needed was a big weight off our shoulders each day. One evening, we were tempted to grab a pizza at Trebarwith Strand beach as we watched the sun sink over a gin and tonic at the Port William pub. But heading home for baby bedtimes and a delicious lasagne was no hardship. And as we packed up we discovered that nothing from our mega shop was wasted. We popped the leftover lasagne in the freezer, to defrost slowly on the drive home, creating a ready-made dinner after a long journey. The same with the excess milk. And bottles of wine travel fine! Far better to have more than you need than to be constantly searching for a supermarket while you’re away.

Having spent so much time pondering what I wanted this grand celebration of mine to consist of, I can honestly say that a week with the whole family was absolutely the best choice. We were lucky with the weather, and delighted with the location, but most of all, we all came away feeling that it was a week of investment in the things that really matter. Family, time and that old cliche of making memories. What more can you ask for at 50?

A week at Moss Farmhouse can be booked via Classic Cottages for £1785.