By Bolanle Bolawole

Copyright tribuneonlineng

“Last Thursday was a day of mixed feelings for me — a day of joy and a day of mourning!”

“The conditionalities imposed on Fubara to bring him back as governor were more crippling than IMF and World Bank conditionalities…”

“You still have the belly to think about these oppressors! Have you not heard it said that Gambari kill Fulani — or is it the other way round? — no case?”

“What, then, is the problem? Is it Arsenal’s unimpressive start to the new league season?”

“None of that, either! The day started on a good note for me. We christened a set of twins — a boy and a girl — in my parish. The occasion was awesome!”

“In these austere times!”

“The couple is capable! And our God is able to supply all our needs in His riches in glory in Christ Jesus!”

“Financial capacity is what is talking. I am sure the twins were the couple’s first babies…”

“On the contrary! They already have three bouncing babies. The daddy of the twins danced and danced…”

“Don’t be surprised if that is a photo trick or photo-op, as they say. If he JAPA subsequently, I will not be surprised!”

“No! This one will not JAPA. He was genuinely happy. He has what it takes…”

“That is why I am surprised when some people lambast Tinubu and the economy, holding both accountable for their woes. If others are surviving, why can’t you?”

“Fingers are not equal! Talents also differ. If you give everyone the same amount of money in the morning, before evening time some people would have squandered their own portion while others would have gained more bucks…”

“There was a beer joint when I was growing up in my town named ‘Ko-pin-d’ogba.’”

“What does that mean?”

“That God did not give talents to everyone equally…”

“I see! But why is that so? Has it not been said that He is the God of equity?”

“Yes! If you leverage on your talents, however limited, they will still be enough for you to live a meaningful life. It is not doing so that is often the problem. While we were converging in the church for Faith Clinic, we heard that one of the victims of the fire incidents that took place in Lagos was one of our old-time members…”

“What is his position in your parish?”

“He left more than 10 years ago after he was promoted and sent elsewhere, but his good works were not forgotten. I never met him in the parish…”

“True, then, is the saying that sweet is the memory of the just…”

“Everyone was just lamenting! They said everyone called him ‘Elder’ because of his serene composure all the time; always smiling even in the face of provocation…”

“Can you imagine that? Why should the good people die early? God’s ways are unsearchable!”

“Exactly! Maybe God took him at the very point He knew he would make heaven. For what does it profit a man if he lived like Methuselah but eventually missed heaven…”

“You did not consider his family. I understand his family is young, very young…”

“God is able to take care, but why do financial institutions that declare hundreds of billions of Naira as after-tax profit every year fail to deploy cutting-edge technology to help themselves in times of crises?”

“I understand that carpenters’ ladders were what were thrown at staff fleeing from billowing smoke and raging fire!”

“In such a situation, were there mouth and nose guards? Were there state-of-the-art medical facilities to promptly respond to the medical needs of distressed workers?”

“Didn’t you hear that some of the workers jumped to their death? The way high-rise buildings are constructed here, bumper-to-bumper, hampers rescue efforts, even where any meaningful one is made…”

“Forget about meaningful rescue efforts! Where is the fire-fighting equipment? And where are the reagents? Even common water is scarce here…”

“But that should not be us. Every year, a budget is made for those things…”

“And every year they are embezzled! What will the corruption of the rich allow to work here?”

“It is not only the rich that are corrupt. The poor are also corrupt…”

“That is to say that corruption now permeates the entire society, but the corruption of the rich has a more deleterious effect on us…”

“Not really! Both are cancerous in their own different ways and they must be expunged…”

“I think we must start from the head…”

“I think we must start from both ends!”

“The latest fire disasters should be a wake-up call for the authorities to do something meaningful — is that what you think?”

“On the contrary, once statements that amount to nothing are made and fresh air blows over the matter, it will be business as usual again…”

“Then we are the architects of our own destruction! How does the disaster adversely affect the check-off collected by the Labour unions on workers’ salaries and emoluments?”

“Tell me what else? The ruling class is the same everywhere! They exist in every sphere of our national life and their interests are the same. They act as leeches sucking the blood of the working class…”

“I don’t understand!”

“Then you don’t understand anything! In the political, economic, social, cultural spheres, the ruling class acts as the same oppressors of the masses. The only segment that has been marginalized for now is the academic or professional class…”

“They say university professors earn N400,000 while local government supervising councillors earn close to two million Naira…”

“Nothing can be more ridiculous! Nigeria is a country of absurdities. Can’t we all abandon the country for them to bring them to their senses?”

“Instead, they are the ones that will bring you to your senses!”

“How? I say, how?”

“When they declare work-to-rule and stop paying you the meagre salaries that you are complaining about!”

“I see! When the salary was coming, it was not enough. If it stops completely, what then happens?”

“I understand that is what is called the weaponisation of poverty…”

“What, then, is the solution?”

“Karl Marx propounded the answer centuries ago when he asked workers of all countries to unite…”

“Forget about that! Can workers of one country alone unite? Can workers on one factory floor unite?

“Ethnicity and religion will be employed to scatter them…”

“It then means that they have a mountain to climb. Efa said they must be prepared to fight if they want to enjoy the good life…”

“Our people here are more interested…”

“In ethnicity and religion than in…”

“Not even that! They fight over bragging rights as supporters of foreign club sides that add no economic value to them!”

“Why are we so cursed?”

“That is not what Ayi Kwei Armah called it?”

“Armah’s is a long time ago! If it is the hoi polloi that resorts to football to kill frustration, one can understand, but here in Nigeria, the high and mighty lead the pack…”

“Colonial mentality…”

“Selfish interests as well. Principle flies here. Otherwise, why should Fubara accept conditionalities worse than those imposed by the IMF and World Bank just to return to office as governor?”

“I understand he has wobbled, politically amputated hands and legs…”

“What, then, is he going back to the Government House to achieve?”

“Are you the one asking this? To continue where he stopped? To achieve what he was stopped from achieving?”

“If I were him, I would take this second chance to etch my name in gold in the annals of Rivers State…”

“Then you must be mumu! Adaka Boro who died for Rivers, who remembers him and his family? Ken Saro-Wiwa who died for Ogoni, who remembers him? Murtala Muhammed died for Nigeria, who remembers his assassination date of February 13th? Adekunle Fajuyi’s chivalry will forever give a lie to some lousy fellows who say the Yoruba are cowards, but how is he celebrated in the same South-West?”

“Then, is it more honourable for him to simply maintain his dignity and walk away?”

“You only maintain what you have!”

“A man who rides on the back of the tiger to office and then chooses to disembark and lead the tiger in his own direction is not wise as well!”

“He nearly ended up in the tiger’s belly, but have we seriously asked ourselves why President Bola Ahmed Tinubu saved Fubara from being gobbled down completely by his godfather?”

“I have not given it serious thought. All I know is that the president is a political strategist of uncommon sagacity.”

“It is dangerous to have a strong political ally that you are not prepared to checkmate. Our people say ‘ojo ere l’a n muraija!’”

“What is the meaning of that?”

“Assuming God did not prepare Jesus as a joker to use against Lucifer in the time of adversity, what do you think would have become of God and His throne in heaven?”

“Either Satan would succeed in overthrowing God or, at the very least, divide the Kingdom of Heaven into two, with both God and Satan ruling a section of it.”

“Your analysis is weird!”

“What is weird about it? The only analysis I found weird in recent times is that of Baba.”

“Which Baba?”

“The letter-writer, of course! He said he came out of his hotel room in Kigali, interviewed 10 people and eight of them said Kagame can rule Rwanda forever for as long as he rules well! Is he the only one who can rule well in an entire country?”

“I agree with you, his sample population of 10 in a country of 14.26 million is laughable. But they said the man bagged a Ph.D. sometime ago. How did he conduct his research?”

“Must you ask again? But I smelled a rat!”

“Is it only a rat? I smelled tortoise and monkey. Nothing goes for nothing!”

“Then ask Dangote what he is still driving at! The Yoruba say ‘enikan o kii je kiilufe.’”

“What is the meaning of that?”

“If a single person insists he alone must eat the food prepared for all, then there will be no peace in the city.”

“It is the same thing as ‘Iwa a-nikanj’opon.’ I don’t know how to interpret that in English!”

“It is the same thing as saying live and let live rules the world.”

“Thank you! But why are some people so selfish they never think one day will be one day…”

“It is not their fault. Once you consistently get away with blue murder, you keep enlarging the coast…”

“But when will all these shenanigans come to an end?”

“KO Mbadiwe said when ‘come comes to become!’

“That is very deep!”