By Editor,Scarlett Dargan

Copyright dailymail

Gen X: I’ve seen circus tents with less fabric than those jeans you’ve got on.

Gen Z: It’s called fashion. When it comes to denim, the baggier the better.

Your hemline is doing more pavement sweeping than the council.

Well, according to The Guardian’s fashion editor, when it comes to fashion jeans there are three things to look for.

Let me guess: room for two, a built-in draught excluder and enough fabric to double as an emergency shelter?

IDEK* what a draught ex-whatever is. What they should acc* be is ‘low-rise, long-hemmed and ultra-baggy’.

What happens when it rains? All that sodden fabric – you’ll be weighed down like you’re training for one of those strongmen competitions.

Ironman, dummy. And when The Guardian’s 40-something tester tried the wide-leg jeans she said she’d ‘never known comfort like it’.

She also confessed to looking ‘stocky, tent-like and how I used to look as a teen’. Hardly a ringing endorsement.

I doubt you had better styles back in the dark ages.

I actually had a gorgeous pair of Levi’s 501s. Perfectly bum-hugging, straight-leg and ended right at the ankle.

I can deal with a straight leg. But I cannot deal with the super-skinny Topshop Joni jeans you’ve been wiggling into for years.

They work for Claudia Winkleman on The Traitors. I’m going to get a new pair when John Lewis starts stocking them next year.

FGS* no. Your legs will look like vacuum-packed sausages.

I’ll have you know they’re an iconic piece. Think Kate Moss in her skin-tight denim at Glastonbury, Sienna Miller papped on the street in skinnies and plimsolls…

…and a mum whose skinnies look like overstuffed chorizo casing at a Tesco Extra in Hull?

*Sighs* Anyway, skinny jeans are flattering. Suck in all my wobbly bits.

That is not very #bodypositive of you.

Well, I just cannot live without a super- high waist. As one 40-something said on X: ‘I’ll only ever wear jeans with a high-enough waist to tuck your tummy chunk in when you sit down.’

Criiinge. It’s all about low-rise now. Didn’t you see Katseye’s Gap denim ad?

Look, even I know Gap’s not exactly down with the kids.

Huh? Gap’s cool again. And its ad with the world’s hottest K-pop group dancing around in low-rise jeans is total icon behaviour.

Low-rise gives me noughties PTSD.

FR*, you shouldn’t joke about mental health.

Post Tummy-Showing Disorder.

*Rolls eyes*

Back in 2003, The New York Times even coined the phrase ‘muffin top’ to describe the ‘three to six inches of stomach bulging out below a short blouse and above hip-clinging “low-rise’ jeans”.’

Well, Stella McCartney and Isabel Marant are selling styles that ‘even the ghosts of Paul’s Boutique and Bebo could only have dreamed of,’ according to Vogue.

I’m sure they’d look great on a supermodel. I’d look more like the before picture in a WeightWatchers ad.

Ew, fatphobic alert. I’d be less concerned about your exposed tummy than your exposed ankle.

What’s wrong with ankle grazers? They make me look taller.

According to The Independent, if people can see your ankles then you’re probably deeply uncool.

I’m with the Gen Xer who commented, ‘My right to a naked ankle is, in the end, the hill I’m willing to die on.’

I hope she’s got good life insurance.

Aren’t you a jean-ius.

The real ‘jean-ius’ is Italian fashion designer Adriano Goldschmied of It-girl brand Agolde, who according to The Times has come up with this winter’s must-wear style.

Let me guess: jeans that run behind you like a wedding train?

A pair of £320 jeans with a V-waist design that sits on the hips but buttons low, beneath the belly button.

Goodness! It’s your nether regions’ equivalent of showing off your cleavage.

Exactly. ‘Titter now,’ Times fashion editor Hannah Rogers wrote, ‘but this time next year the high street will be awash with them.’

I’m sticking to my trusty skinnies. And when they’re back in fashion, you know what I’ll call it?

Re-jean-eration.

*IDEK = I don’t even know.

Acc = actually.

FGS = For god’s sake.

FR = For real