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Many older adults grew up in households that had just one phone. That landline, usually a wall unit in the kitchen, had only one possible “app” — an extra-long cord. Phone use was totally controlled by parents, who freely listened in to all kid conversations (unless you could disappear into the hall closet with that long cord — good luck).
Here we are in our brave new world in which everyone has a beep-boop machine in their pocket, and the grownups who once watched out over our telephonic communications are now, themselves, deeply into a world of grandkid photos, Candy Crush and conspiracy theories.
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Between older folk who’ve had to learn how to use phones they couldn’t dial, to digital natives who set up their first TikTok accounts from their cribs, there’s emerged a significant divide about the right ways to set up a phone, use it properly and avoid being incredibly rude along the way.
How The Generations View Their Phones
When it comes to phones, which generation is the worst? For etiquette expert Jo Hayes, that’s easy: “I hate to be the one to say this, but older people, especially Boomers, have atrocious phone hygiene. As a general rule and observation, I see younger people doing much better.”
What’s the reason for this digital divide? “Older people see technology as separate from themselves,” said Jodi RR Smith, the author of “From Clueless to Class Act: Manners for the Modern Woman & Manners for the Modern Man.” “Once something is installed, they’ll rarely review or delete anything, if ever. Also, they’re from a generation that experienced entire documents disappearing from clunky computers, even when saved properly, and as a result they tend to have a healthy distrust of tech.”
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“For younger people, the same trepidation isn’t there,” Smith said. “They see technology as an extension of themselves, sort of a combination entertainer, constant friend and electronic security blanket. As soon as a new app or upgrade is released, they’re ready to swap it into their phones.”
How much do these different attitudes affect the way that phones are used? Quite a bit, it turns out. We highlighted the four top things that older people are doing with their phones that make the youngs raise their eyebrows.
1. Cold Calling
For those who grew up in Landlineland, a ringing phone was an imperative situation, a direct order from Grownup HQ to pick up that receiver, find out what the other person wanted and get it for them.
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On the other hand, it’s probably exaggerating only a little to state that young people believe the only good reason to make a call is when the world is ending, and even then, couldn’t you just send a quick text in the remaining seconds we have on the planet? For this generation of digital natives, cold calling (which is calling without a warning) is just downright rude.
“I’m 44, and I’m definitely the last ‘calling’ generation,” said Brittany Smith, a technology coach. “But even though I grew up happily talking on the phone with friends, I do understand the uncertainty and anxiety that an unexpected phone call can bring. We’re overloaded and overstimulated anyway, and that ring can make things feel very tense.”
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She said that concern doesn’t often exist for older people, citing the example of her dad, who believes it’s only polite to answer the phone when it’s ringing. He answers every call, even when, for example, it occurs when he’s spending time with his daughter. “He always picks up, no matter what, and he’ll dive right into a conversation with someone, no matter where he is,” she said. She remains good-natured about the phubs (phone snubs). “I just bring along my ear buds and listen to something until he gets done.”
2. Sending Long Text Messages
Diane Gottsman, owner of The Protocol School of Texas, is also the mother of Gen Z children who have given her plenty of feedback on how to improve her digital messaging. “They don’t like it when you leave a text like you’re sending a letter,” she said. “If it’s so long you have to break it up into multiple texts, avoid writing a novel and get to the point.”
When leaving a message, a sure sign of senior screen syndrome is announcing yourself in a voicemail (“This is Mom”) or signing a text with your name, she said.
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Gottsman also suggested aiming for more streamlined communications. “Don’t respond to group chats with unnecessary comments, and don’t forward annoying things like chain letters,” she said. “And whatever you do, please give yourself a quick tutorial on the meaning of emojis. Use them sparingly and accurately.” (Just because you like making your nonna’s eggplant parmesan recipe doesn’t mean you want to sprinkle every text with that particular vegetable emoji, for example.)
3. Not Locking The Phone Screen
“You need to lock your phone screen when you’re finished, but I’ve noticed that most older people will send a message, then put their phone straight in their pocket or handbag,” Hayes said. “I can’t count the number of pocket-dials I’ve had from my Boomer dad. Almost every time I’m with him, I have to remind him to just click the side button.”
Brittany Smith offered a simple solution: “Your autolock can be set to activate in anywhere from 30 seconds to five minutes. Set it up for the shortest possible time, so the phone will lock itself as quickly as possible.”
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4. Unknowingly Turning On The Flashlight
Chicago-based Catherine (not her real name), who works as a barista, has arrived at this conclusion: The older the customer, the more likely they are to unwittingly have their phone flashlight on. “Boomers out in the wild don’t seem to know it’s happening, but they’re shining it in the eyes of service workers while ordering coffee, for example. Honestly, sometimes it’s almost blinding.”
Brittany Smith likened this phenomenon to driving with your car’s turn signal on … for miles and miles. Here’s her quick fix: “You have a choice of which two buttons will display on your lock screen, so remove the flashlight and replace it with something less potentially intrusive.”
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Laugh now. You’ll be old someday.
Sure, you can try to clean up your phone hygiene right away, but you can also take these thoughts with a grain of salt. Jodi Smith, the etiquette expert, offered this observation: “One of the best things about getting older is simply having the depth of experience to know that those young people can have their fun snickering now, but they’ll eventually be snickered at by those in future generations.”
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