To the Editor:
Re “Being Polite Won’t Save Us,” by Roxane Gay (Opinion guest essay, Sept. 28):
The greatest danger in American politics is not incivility but unreasonableness — the refusal to listen, the denial of facts, the abandonment of deliberation.
Ms. Gay is right that calls for civility have too often been used as a weapon of control, especially against those demanding justice.
Civility isn’t politeness; its purpose is for everyone in public dialogue to emerge feeling connected, respected and heard. It rarely makes headlines, but in many local communities democracy still works. City councils and school boards show a core civic truth: Disagreement isn’t just natural, it’s necessary. We are meant to argue — and to make better decisions by working through those disagreements together.
Civility protects the processes that give everyone a voice and a chance to participate. Disagreement, even when passionate or angry, is not the enemy. Being unreasonable is what’s un-American.
Matt Lehrman
Scottsdale, Ariz.
To the Editor:
Roxane Gay rightly exposes the hypocrisy of the MAGA movement’s disingenuous calls for political civility, which are like punching your neighbor in the face and then insisting the two of you sit down like adults and talk out your differences.
The Trump administration latches on to values-laden language and phrases — whether it’s “law and order,” “fighting antisemitism” or “civility” — only as a springboard for its ambitions and pursuit of power.
Political civility isn’t a fantasy. The misuse of the term by the MAGA movement is just another tactic in the campaign to dismantle democracy in this country.
Mark Bayer
Falls Church, Va.
The writer is a former chief of staff for Senator Edward J. Markey of Massachusetts.
To the Editor:
Roxane Gay writes that civility is a “fantasy” — but it’s not. It is a real practice of engaging with others in ways that recognize their humanity. History’s most transformative leaders, from President Abraham Lincoln to the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., prove that civility and moral urgency can effectively coexist and amplify each other’s power. True civility is the disciplined refusal to abandon our humanity in the face of injustice.
The real danger lies in abandoning the belief that we can challenge wrongdoing and demand accountability while refusing to dehumanize those with whom we disagree — because once we surrender that belief, we surrender our capacity to persuade, to heal and ultimately to win.
Kathryne M. Morris
Dallas
To the Editor:
Roxane Gay is certainly correct in arguing that being polite, on its own, will not save us. She is also correct to observe that morally repugnant ideas expressed in a civil manner are still repugnant.
But she goes overboard when she argues that those who practice or call for civility believe that “the performance is the only thing that matters.” Many thoughtful people (I like to think I qualify) see the value of civility and yearn for it even though they recognize that the world is not a fair and just place. And contrary to Ms. Gay’s assertion, these people recognize that they have much at stake.
Norm Tabler
Carmel, Ind.
To the Editor:
If I were to make a list of the main problems in today’s political discourse, calls for more civility would not be among them. Of course it’s possible to misunderstand or misuse the concept. But as Gandhi said, the true meaning of civility is the inner desire to do good to your opponent. Given the dominance of brutality and indecency in today’s politics, isn’t that an idea worth considering, especially because it’s so rare?
David Blankenhorn
New York
The writer is the founder and president of the nonprofit organization Civic Life.
A Canadian’s Lament
To the Editor:
Dear Americans: I’m an old Canadian, born two days after Pearl Harbor in 1941. I have traveled extensively in your country; I’ve contemplated buying property there. In the last years of my career I was a partner in one of your most successful global consulting firms. I’ve always admired your spirit, your unfailing confidence, your sense of justice and fairness. I’ve long been a fan.
However, today I cannot believe what I’m hearing and seeing of the state of decline of your country. Your president seems to be determined to destroy everything that has made your country great. He has manipulated the Supreme Court, attacked the justice system, blackmailed the media, attacked health care and now coerced the military. He threatens your beautiful Constitution.
What I would like to know is: Where is your leadership? Is there no one left to lead the fight against the tyrant destroying America? The world is watching, and we are afraid.
Tony Grant
Toronto