The following satire is protected speech:
Beginning Sunday, weary defenders of the First Amendment will observe Banned Books Week, drawing attention to the thousands of book titles that have been challenged as offensive or vaguely “unfit” in the past year — mostly books on themes of race, gender, or sexuality. These days, book bans feel like the least of it, with President Trump and his acolytes on a cancel rampage through the culture, slashing billions from public broadcasting, purging Democratic appointees to the Kennedy Center, firing the Librarian of Congress, directing the Smithsonian Institution to root out “anti-American ideology,” and, of course, threatening television networks for airing comics who say things that offend MAGA-world.
Senator Ted Cruz responded properly to the (short-lived) suspension of Jimmy Kimmel’s late-night show by warning that government muzzling of the airwaves “will end up bad for conservatives” when the censorial shoe is on the other foot. That got me thinking: What if the tables were turned and liberal Democrats began targeting the books that conservatives revere? You know, the books that lift up representation for oppressed communities, such as, oh, straight white men? The ones that help them speak their truth?
In honor of Banned Books Week, then, I offer this completely subjective list of woke-right titles that patriotic Americans everywhere should rip from the shelves:
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“Atlas Shrugged,” by Ayn Rand. This book preaches a radical individualism, centering the ego over altruism and celebrating extreme laissez-faire economics. Its hero, John Galt, proselytizes that people should help others only if it advances their own self-interest. “The achievement of [man’s] own happiness is his highest moral purpose,” Rand wrote. This book is especially damaging and confusing to young children, who are usually told to play well with others.
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“The Sun Also Rises,” by Ernest Hemingway. Hemingway, a notorious male chauvinist, celebrates animal cruelty in this thinly veiled novel of dissolute Americans living in cheese-eating Paris in the 1920s. The savagery of the Pamplona bullfights is promoted as an example of beauty and purity, not the bloody slaughter that it is. Also, the main character, Jake Barnes, is terrified that a war wound has destroyed his masculinity, a reductive depiction of male identity as mere virility.
Did I say this is satire?
“Capitalism and Freedom,” by Milton Friedman. This seminal treatise by the godfather of free-market economics is just Ayn Rand with a Nobel Prize. Friedman pushes his tight-money theory to keep inflation low, shrugging off the millions of Americans who lose jobs as collateral damage. He was a constant thorn to our beloved Keynesians at Harvard and an associate of known plutocrats Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, and Barry Goldwater. Enough said.
The “Left Behind” series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. Lurid, apocalyptic novels prophesying the mass slaughter of non-Christians. LaHaye, a fundamentalist Christian leader, believed that former president Barack Obama’s election signaled the end times. He railed against the dangers of one-world government: In the books, an Antichrist is the head of the United Nations. So what if the series sold 65 million copies? That’s just more proof of how badly Americans have strayed and the urgent need to expunge all 16 titles.
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“The Art of the Deal,” by Donald J. Trump. Written (or ghost-written?) by a former TV celebrity, this treatise celebrates ruthless negotiation and promotes a worldview that all relationships are transactional. Especially problematic is the statement “a little hyperbole never hurts” — a principle that led to a $355 million civil conviction for exaggerating the value of his assets in fraudulent financial statements. Sure, an appeals court later threw out the fine as excessive, but the tome still belongs on the bonfire. (Remember, Mr. President, this is satire!)
Have I actually read all these books? Uh, I skimmed the nasty parts, just enough to know what a threat they are.
Now, I recognize that placing these disturbing titles on a banned books list might only enhance their popularity; that’s what’s happened to many of the actual challenged books, whose circulation and sales have increased. Indeed, that’s what happened to Jimmy Kimmel, whose return to (most) ABC stations last week garnered the largest live weekday audience (6.3 million) in the show’s history, plus another 26 million watching online. But hey, it’s the principle of the thing.
Of course, the whole premise of this column is absurd because, with the fewest of exceptions, liberals are not in the business of banning books. We actually believe that free expression is the oxygen of democracy. So put the torch away, everybody. I’ve made my point.
Renée Loth’s column appears regularly in the Globe.