The music industry is often quick to celebrate the highs and just as quick to ignore the aftermath. For iLoveMakonnen, the fallout has often included funerals, grief, and the heavy realization that the culture he once soundtracked was being swallowed by drugs. When “Tuesday” blew up, iLoveMakonnen’s sound was shaping a wave of younger artists. However, the party-life lyrics that once kept the club moving started to feel hollow when he saw peers cycling out of control. In recent years, he’s watched friends and collaborators like Lil Peep and Juice WRLD lose their lives to overdoses. In our exclusive interview with the Grammy-nominated hitmaker, Makonnen lamented over seeing people he’s inspired have their lives, and creativity, cut short.
“I can’t keep feeling comfortable up here pushing whatever onto these younger kids who look up to me, who gonna end up taking and doing, and then end up dying,” he told us. “Now, they family is crying to me, like, you were their favorite artist.”
The hits and the headlines were never the whole story. The same voice that once turned a weekday anthem into a global phenomenon is now reckoning with what those lyrics meant, and what came after. Loss has forced iLoveMakonnen to confront his reality, and to decide that survival mattered more than staying in character.
The interview has been edited for clarity.
HNHH: We talked about you releasing new music, but you felt like people were just gone. The connections you made, disappeared.
ILoveMakonnen: Yeah, at the end of the day, they don’t care no more about the music. See, it’s—you ain’t gonna beat me in this authentic making music sh*t, right? So, now y’all gonna have to beat me with these other silly sh*ts, and these little f*cking moments and this drama and these issues and artists getting shot and everybody dying, everybody criminal, and everybody just, ugggh. I want to be none of that. I already lived that life. No, I’m not gonna get paid up here to portray that image. I’m sorry. So yeah, I fell all the way the f*ck off.
Read More: ILoveMakonnen Opens Up About Drake, OVO, Regrets, & Kendrick Lamar
HNHH: I’ve had friends in the industry die from overdoses, overindulgence. I can’t imagine with what you’ve experienced, it couldn’t have been easy with people, at the same time, just telling you to get back to work. Get back to making music, get back on the road.
ILoveMakonnen: Mm hmm. All day. That’s all everybody wants. Even now, it’s like, my studio burned down. People are like, “Go make a song, bro.” It burned down. Can’t even do it. This is—that’s all I am. It’s just, go make a song, bro. Go make a song. Now the joke says, go flip burgers. Go flip fries. And like, yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir. I’m just here to serve.
I mean, like I said, I’ve, I’ve been dealing with a lot of things in front of the scenes, behind the scenes. One of my best friends who was like my assistant, who was one of my mentors, somebody I looked up to, they passed away in 2017 before I met Lil Peep. And then I meet Lil Peep, and then he ends up dying in the same year. Then, like a year or so after, I end up meeting Juice WRLD, and then he ends up dying shortly after. This is freshly after—it’s like, okay. The “Tuesday” stuff is coming down. I’m gonna take some time to get off tour from riding that wave, and let me get back out here to the people. See what’s going on, see newer artists, see what’s going on.
Read More: Lil Peep And ILOVEMAKONNEN Bring Their Talents Together To Make “DIAMONDS”
And as what I’m seeing what’s going on, it’s like, oh, sh*t. These drugs is taking over my whole community, and ain’t nobody saying nothing or nobody cares. Homie’s dying, boom, boom, boom. I’m just seeing all this. So, you know what I gotta do? I gotta save myself. Because, guess what, they don’t give a f*ck about me. Mr. Tuesday, who got you on the list and all that? Who got you going all day? Don’t give two f*cks about me. So, I was like, damn, I thought y’all was my friend, my homie. Everybody said they love me, all this, all that. Let me go get to myself.
While I’m mourning my friends and all this sh*t, mourning the old me and all this sh*t, me thinking that everybody out here got the same type of heart that I got, done been through the same thing. That they have the same type of feeling of wanting to see others grow. You know, I had to go and get to myself. I had to go through a lot of alone time. I’ve been in Portland, a long way from the cameras. If I’m talking to people, like regular people that got regular problems, that’s like, “We heard your music. I got aspirations, too,” but I got a real life. This is my real life.
Read More: Lil Peep Remembered By Family & Fans In Publicly Streamed Memorial
HNHH: Did you hear from anyone in the industry during that transition?
Do people call me? Not too much, but it’s like, I see y’all celebrating in a party that I helped pretty much build out. Of course, I’m not reaping the benefits from it, but y’all are killing it. Y’all are everywhere. Turn the f*ck up. I love that, but I’m like, I’m dealing with my real life. Anybody be checking on that? Not really. Soon as there’s some little drama and some sh*t around, it gets blown up out of porportion. Everybody wants to point and laugh, like, ha ha ha.
I don’t have no big artist calling me to say, write for me. Put me on a song. Let’s go on tour, any of that sh*t. So, it’s like, okay, I’m just back here by myself again. I’m a pioneer. People respect me as a legend, but people ain’t offering me opportunity. Phone ain’t ringing off the hook. I got the same two phones from when all this sh*t started, same two motherf*cking phones, as in, I got two lines where you can hit me anytime. And it’s like, yeah, that sh*t done died all the way down to where I’m like, yeah, I see how the world is. I’m not mad at that, because I’m somebody who creates these things.
Read More: Juice WRLD Tells iLoveMakonnen About How His Success Makes Him Anxious In HBO Doc Clip
I created “Tuesday” myself. I can go and create these moments. Where do I want to create these moments at? Who do I want to give these moments to? Who do I want to celebrate in these moments? And what am I manifesting and what am I inspiring with these next moments? Because I’ve seen the aftermath of those last moments that I did. I seen how everybody didn’t give a f*ck, they just ran all over it, and it’s like, whatever.
And I’m like, okay, I’ve seen lives get lost. You know, I’m seeing my elders who got way more money than me, not speaking on these issues that affected me and people younger than me. I can’t really suck up to you and think you the greatest thing ever no more, because I’ve got these younger people looking up to me, thinking I’m the greatest thing ever, right? And so, I have to sit up there and tell them what’s real and what’s truth, because you ain’t keeping it real with me, you know what I mean?
Read More: ILoveMakonnen Says People “Discredit” His “Talents” Since Coming Out As Gay
HNHH: Drug culture in Hip Hop seems to be constantly evolving. The drugs continuously change, and it seems like things are becoming more dangerous. It sings to a different culture. It raps to a different culture. But the aftermath seems to be, on to the next.
ILoveMakonnen: Yeah, it does. And a lot of times in these last years, I’ve been saving myself, healing myself, and dealing with the deaths of my friends in the music industry. It ain’t really just been on peaches and cream to where, yeah, I want to perform. I want to come up here, I want to do this. Like, I don’t want to do this sh*t. Look, my homies is dead. I was supposed to be celebrating their birthdays again. We’re supposed to be doing it up having—we were supposed to be doing so much. We had so many plans to be doing sh*t. And now they dead and gone.
And afterward it’s, oh, you want to put an album out and put this on it. Oh, now we want to do everything now that somebody dead, right? And y’all think that I’m just so shallow ass n*gga, to where I want all the fame. Put me up here! I don’t want this sh*t. Y’all can get out my f*cking face. I know who I am already. I already dealt with this before I even became a rapper. Now that I’m in fame and sh*t, I’m not trying to be a part of that. I don’t be on that.
Read More: Who Is ILoveMakonnen? All About The “Tuesday” Hitmaker
HNHH: People were trying to capitalize on the moment? Like, exploiting someone’s death for clout?
ILoveMakonnen: I’m not about being all after-somebody-dies, type sh*t. That ain’t where I get my life at. I knew these motherf*ckers while they was living. While they was alive. We got to talk and hang out while you living. Not, ‘I’m a fan after you died, and now I’m getting tats of you and chains’ and all this sh*t. No, it’s like, n*gga, I know you know me. When they was alive, I saw you in person. I got them memories, I don’t need to wear no jacket of yours, none of that sh*t. I know the real deal.
HNHH: Of course, your catalog has songs like “I Don’t Sell Molly No More” and other tracks that were all about partying. They became the soundtrack to that whole era. There was still major hype after “Tuesday.” Even in wanting to change directions in your music, did you feel pressure to keep the party going?
ILoveMakonnen: Well, see—so what happened after “Tuesday” is like, okay, it’s lit. I’m everywhere. and I’m inspiring a lot of artists, right? Some of the artists that I’m inspiring are Lil Peep and Juice WRLD and other younger people like this. Then they’re inspired, and now they’re kind of going three, four times harder into the drug thing, right? Yeah, I’m seeing this whole new generation pop up. I’m seeing, okay, guys, we kind of gotta be safe. But, I don’t want to be the buzz killer of the party. I’m supposed to be the man of the party. I’m all of that, but I’m trying to tell us be safe.
Read More: ILOVEMAKONNEN Drags Joe Budden Over Dissing Him During JID Conversation
So, as we keep going off, you start seeing tragedy. Lil Peep passes away from overdose. Juice WRLD passes away from overdose. Just responsibility on myself, as an elder artist, it’s like, I can’t keep feeling comfortable up here pushing whatever onto these younger kids who look up to me, who gonna end up taking and doing and then end up dying. Now, they family is crying to me, like, you were their favorite artist.
It becomes, all my biggest fans is dead. I’m starting to see just a lot. In Portland, one time I saw a younger, 20-something year old guy who was using real bad on the street and, like, trying to break into a building. He glanced over at the car, and he’s like, “Makonnen? ILoveMakonnen?” He’s like, “Bro, I love you your music.” I’m just like, yo, what? We pulled off and I’m just like, what? That’s my fans? Yeah, I gotta change something. I don’t want to see my fans coming out here looking like this, because they started to get lost into the drugs. The drugs are starting to beat them and starting to take their lives. And then, all these drugs ain’t clean and all this sh*t. Like I said, we influencing younger kids.
Read More: Who Is ILoveMakonnen? All About The “Tuesday” Hitmaker
HNHH: I get it, for sure.
ILoveMakonnen: And not to switch the subjects, but just speaking on the influences of younger kids, something right now with this whole D4VD thing. That’s a younger, little 13, 14 year old girl. And so then it’s like, “Okay, well, she don’t know no better? She should know better.” But at times, you gotta understand, these are kids. They don’t know no better. They listening to these older people who know better, influence them. So, then it goes back to on you as that older person. You should f*cking know.
I deal with the real after effects of this thing. My friends are dead. They artists, too. Do I want to take to a stage? Do I want to go on the memorial tour and be up here talking about my dead friend, my other dead friend, and playing all they songs? Man, I’mma get to myself for a minute.
So, when I could honor them the way I need to with, with doing my music or my art, which inspired them, I should be knowing how to do this in the proper way for myself, so I can feel comfortable coming out here to see my fans, to see who I’m influencing, and to be more of a healing, motivating force to them. More than, “Yeah, we went to the Makonnen show, and so and so OD’d after that, so turnt.” I don’t want to hear that no more.