By Udo Maryanne Okonjo

Copyright businessday

Infidelity may capture gossip, but the deeper scandal is this: women are being erased from the wealth story. It doesn’t matter if you are a wife, a partner, or a breadwinner. The lesson remains the same: protect yourself.

When I wrote about Side Chick Economics in Part 1, the goal was not sensationalism. I wasn’t positioning myself as the moral police. My lens was, and remains, practical: helping women understand power, secure wealth, and prepare for legacy, whether in the home, the boardroom, or the marketplace.

Because here’s the hard truth no one wants to admit: you can be a wife, a side chick, or even the breadwinner and still lose.

The feedback I received:

The responses were explosive. Women nodded in agreement. Men argued fiercely. Some laughed and called me a troublemaker. A few warned that I might lose business because certain men felt attacked. Others admitted they were sharing the article in their WhatsApp groups.

Several men pushed back with conviction:

• “We have agency. As long as I provide for my family, I can choose how else I spend my money: philanthropy, alternative households, or otherwise.”

• “Some side chicks contribute more than wives, supporting ventures or taking risks wives might avoid.”

• “Why single-sided chicks out? Side chicks are women, too, right? And together with their children, form families. Perhaps not the traditional type, but no less deserving or valid in my opinion. So why is diverted wealth to them considered ‘lost’? Lost how? They are intelligent women, too.”

I don’t dismiss these perspectives. They reveal the complexity of how money moves and who benefits. Some see it as redistribution. Others see it as erosion. Both can be true.

Read also: Side-chick economics: The hidden billions of secrecy (Part 1)

Why this matters

Here’s the sharper lesson: if you don’t know where the wealth comes from and how it flows, you are already a side note in the story of your own family’s legacy.

Too many women are “wives” in title but “side chicks” in practice, shut out of the real financial structures of their own households. Assets are hidden. Wealth is syphoned. Inheritance is decided in secrecy.

And it isn’t only wives at risk. Many women who carry more than their fair share as breadwinners watch men quietly take liberties with the little they do earn, spending it elsewhere, often unaccounted for. This isn’t just unfair. It’s destabilising.

The wider circles of leakage

The leakage doesn’t always stop with a single relationship. Money often flows into extended circles. In some cases, side partners themselves become breadwinners, channeling resources to their own families and funding parents, siblings, or even spouses and children elsewhere.

In other words, secrecy creates hidden economies of obligation, ‘families within families’, syphoning resources away from the very structures meant to secure a family’s future.

And beneath it all lies the trap of complacency. Too many financially dependent women settle for surface comfort: school fees paid, fridge stocked, travel or shopping allowance here and there, without contributing or asking harder questions about where the real assets sit. Comfort isn’t the same as security. Complacency isn’t safe. It’s being quietly written out of the ledger.

The unspoken sacrifice

One story still lingers with me. At a gathering, a man propositioned a woman who would ordinarily have dismissed him. When she resisted, he replied chillingly, “Can’t you take a bullet for your family?”

That line captures the unspoken pressure many women live with: to accept indignities, compromises, or side roles in the name of survival. It may feel like a sacrifice. But in truth, it is surrender, and the cost is unbearable.

The Alpha Woman paradox

Even the strongest women are not immune. Some of the so-called “alpha women”, successful breadwinners carrying entire households, still find themselves exposed. Why? Because fragile egos often look elsewhere for affirmation. Outsiders feed needs that capable wives no longer indulge.

This is not a justification. It’s a paradox women must confront. Strength without strategy is vulnerability. Power must be paired with protection.

Acknowledging culture

We must also acknowledge the cultural and societal practices that shape these realities. In many African communities, polygamy remains a recognised structure. In others, “families accepted as families” exist outside formal marriage, particularly once children are involved.

This is not about judgement. These practices are woven into our history and, in some contexts, function as accepted social systems. But even here, the lesson is the same: clarity matters. Respect matters. Structures matter. Whether polygamous, blended, or single household, secrecy breeds confusion, while transparency protects posterity. The real victims aren’t just spouses. They are the children and generations left to fight inheritance wars.

Practical lessons

So, what do we take from all this? Whether you are a wife, partner, breadwinner, or even “the other woman”, this is not about morality but about power and protection:

1. Ownership matters. If your name isn’t on the title, don’t assume love will protect you. If you’re the breadwinner, don’t assume generosity alone secures you either. Document what you’ve built.

2. Transparency is protection. Asking about money isn’t nagging. It’s leadership.

3. Preparation isn’t paranoia. Death, divorce, and blended households aren’t always hypothetical. They are certainties you must plan for.

4. She-Money is non-negotiable. Keep funds and assets in your own name. Not hidden. Not secret. Just sovereign and safe.

5. Beyond low-hanging fruit. Don’t stop at trading, trips, or consumption. Build assets, equity, and strategy. Sustenance will not save you.

6. Knowledge is leverage. Complacency thrives in ignorance. Financial literacy, wealth circles, and trusted advisers are essential. The more you understand where the money comes from and where it goes, the harder it is for anyone to quietly write you out of the story.

A final word

This conversation is not about deriding wives, side chicks, or anyone else. It is not even about morality. It is about power, clarity, and preparation.

Because at the end of the day, the real scandal isn’t infidelity. The real scandal is when women, whether wives, partners, side chicks, or breadwinners, allow themselves to be written out of the wealth story.

The old days of relying fully on the breadwinner are gone. The new reality demands vigilance, strategy, and unapologetic involvement in financial decision-making.

Anything less is handing your legacy away.

Udo Maryanne Okonjo: Chairwoman, Fine & Country WA & Radiant Collective Capital. Author, The Women, Wealth & Power Column — Challenging Norms, Creating Wealth, Changing Futures