By Gloria Adesanya

Copyright pulse

Every day, thousands of Nigerians juggle side hustles and full-time responsibilities, hoping the money adds up. But behind many successful dreams lies a harsh reality: familial expectations, pressure to support relatives, and unending financial demands.

A viral conversation on X (formerly Twitter), sparked by finance coach Tosin Olaseinde’s post, pulled back the curtain on the weight Nigerians carry when personal ambition collides with family responsibility.

They shared unfiltered, gut-wrenching stories ranging from missed opportunities to outright betrayal that reveal how deeply money influences family life.

As you read, you’d realise this isn’t just about financial illiteracy or selfish relatives. It’s a mix of cultural practices, governance failures, social pressures, and emotional traps that make financial stability elusive for millions.

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The Weight of Black Tax

All these threads point back to one silent reality: the black tax. It’s the unspoken expectation that your success belongs to everyone around you. Nobody in the conversation was against helping the family. What they resented was the imbalance, the endless cycle where giving is demanded, not appreciated, and where the giver’s own growth is stunted.

It’s a cultural bond, yes. But it can also be a financial shackle. From the moment you start earning, relatives line up with requests. School fees here, rent support there, and a “small contribution” for a cousin’s business idea.

One X user shared how her father prioritised giving to friends and relatives instead of investing in his own children.

Others recalled how salaries vanished into endless handouts. In Nigerian parlance, you stop being an employee or entrepreneur and you become the family’s ATM.

South Africans call it the black tax. Nigerians know the weight too well. The Yoruba even say, ẹniyan l’aso (“people are your clothing.”) It’s a beautiful proverb, but in practice it sometimes translates to financial suffocation.

READ ALSO: How to build wealth while sending black tax to your family.

Faith, Guilt, and the Heavy Hand of Religion

Religion, unsurprisingly, featured heavily in the thread. For many, faith magnified financial strain.

Some told stories of parents leaving stable jobs to serve full-time in the church without backup plans, plunging their families into poverty.

Others spoke of doctrines that discouraged certain trades.

One story stood out: a father refused to sell certain goods because his church discouraged them. His conviction may have been noble, but the ripple effect was hunger and lost opportunity for his children.

Imagine being a talented fashion influencer in a denomination that frowns upon make-up or jewellery. Your faith collides with your only viable source of income.

The Bible itself is often misapplied in these settings. Verses about sacrifice and giving, when twisted, can guilt followers into ruin. What should be a source of strength sometimes turns into manipulation, trapping hustlers between devotion and financial survival.

The irony? Faith that should uplift often adds to the struggle.

READ ALSO: 5 of the world’s most dangerous countries for Christians — Nigeria makes the list

Illness, Death, and Family Size

If faith doesn’t empty pockets, illness often does. A heartbreaking comment described a household that went from two incomes to one after the mother died, leaving three children with a struggling single parent.

Others spoke of catastrophic medical bills. In a country without functional national health insurance, one illness can wipe out years of savings.

Then there’s the unspoken elephant: family size. Parents who had more children than they could realistically raise ended up shifting responsibility onto the eldest ones as soon as they started working. For those breadwinners, dreams of independence are delayed indefinitely.

Governance: The Bigger Villain

Beyond culture and family choices lies the largest culprit: Nigeria’s broken systems. Many commenters pointed to failed policies and government neglect as the soil from which these struggles grow.

When salaries are withheld for months, how do civil servants survive? When inflation wipes out purchasing power, what happens to those already feeding entire households?

One respondent shared how government bans on commercial motorcycles (Okadas) destroyed his side hustle.

For some, every regime change feels like a slow dance from frying pan to fire, and survival depends on the whims of policies you can’t control.

This shows why Nigeria’s family money struggles are not purely cultural or extreme financial mistakes. They are also systemic. Without social protections like healthcare, unemployment benefits, or affordable housing, families suffer and dreams crumble under the weight.

Polygamy and Expanding Obligations

As if one household isn’t enough, some respondents highlighted the crushing weight of polygamous families. Multiple wives, dozens of children, all expecting financial support. For the eldest sons and daughters of such homes, escape feels impossible.

READ ALSO: 19 Wives & Counting: Is billionaire Jim Brown building Nigeria’s record-breaking family empire?

Insecurity: When Life Has a Price Tag

Robbery, police brutality, displacement, etc., insecurity was another recurring theme.

One man lost everything after armed robbers cleaned out his store multiple times.

Another revealed how he went from grace to grass after being robbed.

Someone else admitted to selling property just to bring a family member back home after being unlawfully arrested.

READ ALSO: Did you know Nigeria was once the country with the happiest people on earth?

Insecurity drains the emotional and financial reserves hustlers need to stay afloat.

Failed Investments and Broken Trust

For many, the deepest wounds came not from outsiders but from family itself.

Several told stories of pouring savings into family businesses that collapsed or were mismanaged.

Others spoke of being duped by trusted relatives. The sting of financial loss was made worse by betrayal, the realisation that blood ties don’t guarantee honesty.

The lesson repeated across testimonies is to never mix family and business without clear agreements. Document everything. Treat relatives as you would any business partner.

So, What’s the Way Forward?

The stories may be heavy, but they contain solid lessons. Across the thread, there was practical wisdom:

Boundaries matter. Learn to say “NO” early and firmly.Have separate accounts. Never mix business money with family expenses.Build an emergency fund before you start giving.Document agreements. Even with family, a loan should be treated like a loan.Grow quietly. Loud success attracts louder demands.

Final Word: Protecting Yourself (and Dependents) First

The viral thread was raw, sometimes bitter, and often painful. But its underlying message was clear: if you want to help others, you must first protect yourself.

Your hustle shouldn’t just keep everyone else afloat while you drown. Build systems, create boundaries, and give deliberately. Because when your light stays on, you don’t just shine for yourself, you illuminate a path for everyone around you.