By Fionnuala Boyle

Copyright dailyrecord

Entering into a romantic relationship with a partner who already has children can be a difficult situation to navigate. You don’t want to overstep the mark but you don’t want to be a pushover, either. Respect is earned between both parties – the step parent and the child – but there does need to be some give and take and compromise to make sure everyone is happy . However, it isn’t always that easy. One mother, who worries she is becoming a “wicked stepmother,” is having a tough time knowing what to do with her 17-year-old stepson, who she says does nothing about the house and has bad toilet habits . The woman, who has daughters aged 19, 15, and eight, makes clear that all kids are 50/50 parented by their respective co-parents, took to Mumsnet to ask users for advice. “I’m not sure if I’m being a wicked step mum/have unrealistic expectations and I just want to put it out there I like my step son… and understand my own kids aren’t perfect, either,” the woman began. “But I am just human.” “We all started living together 18 months ago. I do expect my kids to pitch in with things like laying the table, or if I’ve cooked a big meal we all clean up together… My kids are pretty good and will also clean their rooms. “But my partner’s son does literally nothing at all. He only speaks if he wants something, makes a mess around the place and if asked to clean it up will either claim incompetence (even when shown) or his dad steps in for him.” The woman conceded: “He’s a nice boy, plenty of positives going for him but it’s starting to really bug me that he isn’t encouraged to pitch in. If I ask him to do anything… he walks off. “He’s allowed to do essentially what he likes and I think at his age he could do more. He texts me with demands like ‘what time can you take me to…’ even though I had no idea I was taking anyone anywhere. “Other things really annoying me are him leaving the door wide open when he uses the loo and…when he spits really loudly after brushing his teeth.” She added: “I am not grumpy nor do I raise my voice in any way. I really struggle with knowing if I can stick up for myself and with boundaries because I had a really bad start in life with a very violent and frightening home life. “I’m doing my best.” Users rushed in to the comment section to air their views. “The dad is the problem,” one user asserted. “His son is a product of his upbringing and also of the fact that your husband continued not to make sure his son complies with reasonable requests and expectations on family life. “All children have to be treated the same (subject to age, needs etc) but what the expectations were needed to be discussed before moving in and blending families . Unless your husband steps up, I’d be re-thinking living together.” A second said: “You say you had a violent and frightening upbringing. I believe it’s likely that because of that, you like to maintain control over your home life now. In a positive way of course. “Because he is your step-son, you likely feel you have less control over him. And it likely stirs up negative emotions without you even realising.” A third added: “At 17 he should be doing more. A serious conversation with your husband is badly needed. I guess it wasn’t discussed before moving in as it’s such a basic thing!”