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Key Points The risks of oversharing include lost trust, discomfort and misuse of personal information, say psychologists. There are deeper struggles linked to oversharing such as depression, low self-esteem and mental health issues. Experts suggest journaling, mindful conversation and counseling to prevent oversharing and repair relationships. In today’s day and age, it’s important to be vulnerable with people we trust whenever we can. Being vulnerable can help bring emotional walls down that we’ve built around ourselves, discover people who feel the same as us and ultimately improve our mental health. But there is such a thing as revealing too much. In fact, there are certain things that psychologists say that we should never reveal about ourselves, including personal financial details, intimate relationship issues, individuals you dislike and past trauma without a trigger warning, among others. “When people reveal information about themselves that goes beyond the typical topics of conversation, that is oversharing,” says licensed psychologist Dr. Natalie Bernstein. “It’s often unexpected and personal, and can be uncomfortable for the other person.” She goes on to say that there can be a risk to sharing too much with the wrong person. “The information can be used against you or memorialized for others to see,” she cautions. “You may no longer have control over the information you shared.” Licensed psychologist Dr. Kathy Wu, PhD, says that since oversharing is so subjective and context-dependent, it’s not always easy to recognize in yourself or others. “However, you might feel embarrassed or emotionally drained after a conversation,” she adds. “You might ruminate on whether the other person will judge you or use what you shared against you. You may notice your friendships or professional relationships tending to be short-lived, or that others seem uncomfortable—avoiding deeper conversation or cutting interactions short.” If this sounds like you or someone you know, the two psychologists share 7 deeper issues people who often overshare might struggle with. Plus, how to prevent yourself from oversharing in the future. Related: 11 Subtle Signs You’ve Been ‘Trauma Dumping’ Without Realizing It, According to Psychologists Psychologists Say People Who Overshare Often Have These 7 Deeper Struggles 1. You may experience guilt and shame Dr. Bernstein says that if you tend to overshare with others, you may end up experiencing guilt and shame, and regret that you shared so much. This may lead to you feeling lonely and misunderstood, and you may even lose trust in others. 2. You can’t identify healthy boundaries “Earlier experiences of frequent boundary violations can distort one’s understanding of what healthy boundaries look like,” Dr. Wu says. “If someone has learned that their limits are often ignored or disrespected, they may struggle to recognize when they are oversharing or crossing others’ boundaries, leading to relational strain or confusion.” 3. You may feel uncomfortable during silence “Discomfort with silence can push someone to fill conversational gaps, even with content that is unfiltered or unnecessary,” Dr. Wu says. “For individuals who associate silence with tension, disconnection or rejection, any pause may feel like a social emergency, prompting them to speak excessively or share too much just to avoid silence.” 4. Your self-esteem may suffer Dr. Bernstein says that oversharing may result in ruminating over “perceived rejection” when the other person doesn’t welcome the information you shared with open arms, and this may impact your self-esteem. And low self-esteem can cause you to overshare even more, making it a vicious cycle. “Low self-esteem or self-confidence can lead a person to reveal too much in hopes of being liked, accepted or understood,” Dr. Wu says. “Oversharing may feel like a strategy to gain sympathy or connection, but it often results in the opposite, creating discomfort for the listener and regret for the speaker.” Related: Psychologists Are Begging Women To Remove These 15 Phrases from Their Vocabulary 5. You might fear rejection or abandonment “Fear of rejection or abandonment may drive a person to overshare in an attempt to quickly establish closeness,” Dr. Wu remarks. “They may disclose personal information prematurely, believing that vulnerability will secure a deeper bond, when in reality it may overwhelm the other person and backfire emotionally.” Related: If You’ve Said Any of These 14 Phrases, You Probably Have a Fear of Abandonment, Psychologists Explain 6. You may have unresolved trauma Dr. Wu states that unresolved trauma or a strong longing for secure attachment may lead someone to share deeply personal stories as a way to seek validation, soothe internal distress or test whether someone is safe. “While this behavior often stems from a place of deep emotional need for acceptance, it can leave the person vulnerable to further hurt if the response they receive is misattuned, dismissive or harmful,” she observes. 7. You may experience mental health issues Oversharing can unfortunately lead to social anxiety in some cases, which Dr. Wu says can “interfere with someone’s ability to stay present in a conversation.” “When preoccupied with how they’re being perceived, a person may overexplain, offer unnecessary details or miss the natural rhythm of dialogue, making it harder to build a mutually comfortable connection,” she shares. And since you may be internalizing a lack of response from others, in addition to social anxiety, Dr. Bernstein says that oversharing may even lead to depression. Related: 9 Surprising Confessions Psychologists Say Can Backfire if Shared With the Wrong Person How To Prevent Oversharing Our experts share their top tips to override any urge to overshare, saying: Spend time journaling or preparing for social events ahead of time, especially if something is weighing on your mind. Take a few moments to pause before entering a social situation, especially if you will be using alcohol or are overly tired. Speak more slowly and take more time before responding to someone in a conversation. Listen mindfully and actively. Ask follow-up questions and lead with curiosity about what they have to say. Ask yourself if this is information you would share with anyone (your mom, your grandpa, your boss) in order to gauge its appropriateness. Repair ruptures when possible. If oversharing has made someone uncomfortable or disrupted a relationship, acknowledge it. If it becomes a pattern or an area of concern, seek counseling with a trained professional who will provide you a safe space and a validating response. Dr. Wu ends with these reassuring words: “You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Always go into new social situations believing that others like you already. This mindset will keep you from wanting to try so hard to convince them that you are worth getting to know or that you are valuable as a person.” Up Next: Sources:
